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09/19/2022 01:32 AM  a fork to the light socket never liked, never loved, never known an unmarked grave and an empty funeral what does everyone have that i don't? what knowledge was born into everyone else's head but omitted from mine? every new chapter the same old story always reduced to the smallest i can be, always hollow at the centre of the tootsie pop must i go through life begging for scraps and clinging onto what little i can get? the end is the beginning is the end and when it's over, who can say it ever existed at all? never liked, never loved, never known was i anything? am i anything?  did i matter? desperate acts for desperate results just proving that i took up any space  by leaving a void in my place abby. that's me.  1 Comments

09/02/2022 03:14 PM  .̵̡̨̙̂́̉.̶̠̘̇͗͒ͅ.̶̫̅̉̅.̷̯̿̒.̸̛̣̅̈́.̸̡̟͔̑.̷̗̠͚̾̔.̶̛̰̑͆.̴͕̮̓ͅ.̷̼̐̄.̸̨̧͌̈́.̶̞̈́̍,̵̪͑̚,̸̡̲̙̏̍,̸̜̮̖͐̕,̷ i am nothing, and i have always been nothing. my raw hot-to-the-touch heart tells me i have either seen the creation of the earth or i was born with brand new eyes. there is no in-between. have i always been this nothing? was i never the faint, intangible shape of a person that filled up the empty space? the barely-there figure of something that you could almost make out if you squinted your eyes and turned your head just right? was i nothing, or was i everything— a mass of dark matter doomed to overtake all it came in contact with, leaving only a void in its wake. something all will miss but none will realise is gone. i was loved, but was i ever known? 2 Comments

07/02/2022 02:52 PM  my own creation with ivory lips and marble hair what are you but a mess of words i strung together when i was inconsolably lonely memories and fantasies pieced together as if they were one in the same sound bites playing again and again in my head, changing slightly each time i need something more i can make you say anything. i can make you say "i'm sorry," i can make you say "i love you." your lips mouth along to the dialogue i write for you and with a pull of the strings your body moves the way i want it to in my mind you take on whatever role the scene calls for muse. god. lover. executioner. each and every performance ends the same way—(onmyknees)—with an audience on their feet the eternal part that i am cursed to play. 4 Comments

12/28/2021 06:35 PM  miss aurelia calls for me when i die i want you to read these words and weep like a little fairy who's got clipped wings i've put the scissors away but if you flutter out of turn you can watch as the dual blades glint in the vivarium lighting pulling apart butterflies and leaving the remains on your doorstep serves as a warning and a promise the pin twists and twists right through the thorax and i can display you on my wall like all the good little lepidopterists do "yes, well, i caught this one in pennsylvania, you see..." but why boast about my accolades? the submisson of a creature so danity and petite is hardly a difficult feat. i pressed my shoe against the pavement and crushed you between the heel and the asphalt. scraping the remnants off the sole posed more of a challenge. "...at one point in my career, this particular speciman meant a lot to me." abby 4 Comments

08/23/2021 06:11 PM  undefined you make me think of all sorts of dangerous things like how i want to stay here forever "in between these sheets?" no, with you. wherever you go. to the ends of the earth. to our very demise. a hail of bullets, baby. why, you can have it all. 4 Comments

07/27/2021 07:42 PM  missing persons report "sometimes it feels like nobody knows me at all."   "except me?" "especially you." 1 Comments

07/25/2021 01:41 PM  mood swing so i was in love. whatever. so more than half of everything i've ever written was with your hand guiding my pen. what does that have to do with anything? you don't love (me) the way that i love (you). nothing that is said can be said with a shout even whispers are too loud i have to close curtains and lock doors before i can dare to dream of you the truth is whoever i meet i measure them with the ruler of you because you are the gold standard actually, i have a bat i'm hitting and hitting and hitting but you lost all your blood a long time ago and the carpet is brown now you've been lying here or what is left of you has been lying here and housekeeping is banging at the door but i slipped the receptionist a twenty so they let me keep this room for as long as i want you haven't moved in weeks but i swear i see your body twitch out of the corner of my eye and i start hitting again you, of course, were not twitching. because you haven't moved in weeks. sometimes i wrap my hands around my neck to see what it feels like to be you other times i wrap them around your neck to show you what it feels like to be me i oscillate between begging you to wake up and smothering the pillow over your face none of it matters, of course, because you haven't moved in weeks. but the actions help me to make up my mind whenever i do that, i'll let you know abby 6 Comments

05/19/2021 04:38 PM  the ravings of a madman sometimes i feel like my life would be better without you in it like everything up to this point has been made worse by me knowing you i just want to run away and start over i don't want to know anyone i know now but please go ahead follow me around like the plague cant you tell i want to be as far away from you as possible? isnt it funny that you hardly know anything about me at all god i want so badly to see you kneeling on a bed of nails i really don't think i'll ever be happy with what i have i want everything, i want it all i want the best and im pissed that apparently i'm undeserving of it i want to be free but everything feels like a ball and chain i need the eyes on me, following my every move. i am a performer. i am truman. can never tell when my thoughts are my own or if i just need to take my medication please let me get better i can and will delude myself into believing i am loved i am loved. i am loved. if i say it enough maybe it'll come true 2 Comments

05/10/2021 06:08 PM  absence and the heart or whatever the only way i can imagine someone showing care for me is by wailing so loudly inside of st. patrick's cathedral that the angels look down at them from the ceiling mural in pity in my nature i am god but mostly because i want to see the people i love suffer for i am never convinced my devotion is reciprocated until you are begging at my feet and kissing the soles of my sandals like mother teresa you will never know my place in your heart until i have abandoned you cry and cry my little bride of christ your holy spouse has left you empty and alone and everyday your prayers will reach my ears but you look much prettier when i let the devils tear you from the inside out and gnaw on your bones this is the cost of salvation sweetheart now smile for the camera maybe maybe maybe one day you won't need to feel my wrath to feel my love 'cause i'm in an old testament kinda mood, baby if i love my enemies but hate my friends do you think i'll still get into heaven? st. abby 4 Comments

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