02/05/2023 08:42 PM  February 5th 2023 Apologies for not writing but these past few days have been hectic. On the second I debated putting in my one-week notice. On the third I cancelled all of my interviews and decided to stay where I was. On the third my lover was in an accident. On the fourth my mother needed help moving everything around in the house. Today I became very sick. I knew I was sick since the second.  I could feel the sniffles and the sore throat, but I didn't really do anything about it; I just pushed my way through the workday.  Yesterday was the first day it hit.  It wasn't much more than a stuffy nose and dry throat, since I had to sleep with my mouth open to breathe.  Today was when it took a turn for the worse. Not only is it a stuffy nose and dry throat, but it's also clogged sinuses to the point of my ears popping, not wanting to sleep but my eyes being too heavy, green mucus everywhere, and coughing like never before. I took three covid test within the last week and they all came back negative but, at this point, I wish it was covid as even that didn't feel this bad. I don't think it's the flu as I've had my flu shot and I don't feel like I'm running a fever.  We don't have a thermostat, so my father put his hand against my head and said I'm fine.  I just hope it's not the RSV that's been going around. Other than the sickness, I've been rearranging my room this past weekend.  I took out my dresser and replaced it with a shorter one.  I bought some plastic storage bins and put them in my closet.  My new vanity just came in today which means I have to empty out my current one, and I'm getting my mother's old nightstand.  I haven't ordered a new bookcase yet as the ones I'm looking at are a bit on the higher end and I want to wait until my next paycheck to order one.   The work was mostly done yesterday since today I slept a lot.  I have half of the day off tomorrow since I had an interview, but I might call in tomorrow and call out for the whole day, depends on how I'm feeling when I wake up.  I'm going to try to make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow so that I can be given more than Dayquil to make me feel better quicker, plus I'll have a sick note for work. Since my vanity came in earlier than expected, I'm hoping that the guitar I ordered does too.  I tried playing guitar in the past but switched to the ukulele after seeing the differences between the "C" chords.  I want to try out guitar again as there are only so many notes that can make a song sound sad on the ukulele and I primarily make sad songs.   I hope one day I can write more upbeat songs but for the moment I'm comfortable with writing about my trauma and darker feelings. 0 Comments

02/01/2023 08:10 PM  February 1st 2023 Yesterday and today were pretty slow. Yesterday at work, me and my coworker (Andrew) had to replace an entire rooms worth of fiberglass ceiling tiles.  I think anyone who has dealt with fiberglass before can tell you this but, I. Hate. Fiberglass. It's itchy, it gets stuck to everything, it burns, it's flaky, and for some reason it will be the strongest thing when you don't want it to be and yet the weakest thing when you want it to be strong.   After replacing all the ceiling tiles, we split up as we were sent on small trivial tasks. Once I clocked out I headed straight to Walmart.  My mother is planning on re-decorating the entire house and I took the oppurtuntiy to change up my room as well.  One of the things I'm changing is getting rid of my bulky dresser and instead putting small plastic ones in my closet.  I bought two plastic dressers at Walmart and then made my way home. Once I was home, I immediately took a shower and changed my clothes to get rid of the fiberglass.  Thankfully it worked and I was able to go to dinner comfortably. For dinner I took me and my lover to Red Lobster since during my last paycheck I was extrememly tight on cash and my lover ended up paying for when we ate out.  All in all it was a delicious meal.  The only thing I would change would maybe be the waitress we had. I don't want to sound like a Karen, but she was pretty rude.  I ordered a pretty big meal so when asked what two sides I wanted I just asked for two orders of fries.  My lover ordered no fries for his sides. When the waitress delivered our food I had one order of fries on my plate and another plate with fries on it.  She put the other plate by my lover.  No big deal, it was a lot of food so I reached over for them and she told me as if I was a child, "YOUR fries are on YOUR plate." That pissed me off to the point of debating whether or not to purge on her shoes right in front of her.  Obviously I didn't but the thought was most certainly there. By the time we both got home we were ready to pass out into a food coma, in other words, I slept amazingly. Today at work we didn't do much, in fact, we did even less than yesterday.   The day started off with having to replace a drain in a hallway.  After a bit of fussing with the screws we were finally able to secure the drain plate.  Afterwards we had to redo one of the ceiling tiles in the conference room we replaced yesterday.  They didn't like how the emergency sprinkler head showed through the tile so we had to fix it. After that we didn't really do anything besides replace a phone. During my last entry I mentioned my father giving me unsolicited advice about work and saying that I was going to take it.  Well, I changed my mind.  I just don't feel like having a job that makes me think, "what if I just killed myself right here right now" constantly is healthy.  I've been applying to more places. I thought I had some luck when I was mesaged on my phone for an interview with an insurance firm through Zoom.  I gave the number the email to my Zoom account and was immediately asked if I was ready.   This interview was supposed to be a messaging interview, not a video call.  I told them the hours of my lunch break and an hour after I got off from work were the best times for me.  Well, they completely ignored what I said and asked almost every ten minutes if I was ready for an interview.  Eventually I caved in as, the work day was slow.  They asked if I've ever worked remotely and I said, "No." Apparantly, answering with a simple yes or no to a simple yes or no question wasn't the correct answer and in response, the interviewer decided to explain how an interview works to me.  I told them that I understand and half an hour later is when we finally start the interview back up.   At one point they asked to see my driver's license along with a selfie of me for verification.  Keep in mind that I already told them I am at work, they know I can't go get my license.  I told them again the hours I was available and why.  They didn't respond. Since I didn't receive a reply, I asked why they needed my license in the first place since this was just an interview.  All the responded with was that they needed it for a background check and that I needed to send a photo. The part that really messed me up was how they decided to end the response, "Understand?" It pissed me off that this recruiter was this f***ed up.  I told them,  "No, I do not understand why you are talking to me like I'm a child.  I wish to withdrawal my application if this is the way you speak to your employees or coworkers.  Thank you and have a nice day. Once I got home, I changed and immediately called my lover.  I decided to go to his house and we enjoyed the other's company. 0 Comments

01/30/2023 08:20 PM  January 30th 2023 Today could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse.   Today was Monday which meant going back to work.  If it hasn't been made apparent already, I hate my job.  For the past month I've been applying to other places with no luck.   Anyways, today was a slow day.  Slow days are usually my favorite kind of days.  The only things I can remember doing today were,   removing broken microwaves replacing torn blinds cleaning cameras getting ceiling tiles out of the Conex running errands for my supervisor and fixing locks Since today was such a slow day that meant I had enough energy when I got home to clean my room a bit more.  I've cleaned up around my vanity and put more clothes away.  Now I can actually sleep in my bed!  My lover came over, sat down in my vanity chair and talked to me while I cleaned.  I asked him to as, for some reason, someone sitting and just talking to me while I work makes it seem like I'm not working. After a few hours I got tired, we went out to the living room for a break.  For some reason my parents thought that then would be the perfect time to talk to me about my job search.  My dream job is to be a singer.  I know that that job is pretty much unachievable for me so my second dream job is to be an art teacher. I have talked to my mother about going back to school for teaching before.  She told me that with the children today she'd be more scared for me as a teacher than she would for me if I worked at a prison.  Yet, she has still given me advice on different schools and different ways to achieve my degree.   Tonight was the first time I brought it up with my father.  I've been hesitant to tell my father about what I actually want to do with my life since he helped me get the job I have now.  I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciate him putting his name on the line for me or that I was slandering his name.  He believes that I should stay where I am for at least two years.  That would mean working where I am for at least another year and five months.   He doesn't want to stop me from achieving my dream of being a teacher but, as he put it, he doesn't want me to shoot myself in the foot trying to achieve it.   Basically, he doesn't want me to leave my current job and try to go to school when my current job is giving me nearly forty thousand a year, retirement, insurance, paid time off, sick leave, and maternity leave.  He said that I should also take the classes that the company pays for me to take as credits are credits.  I can see where he's coming from, and I think I can push through another seventeen months where I am if it means achieving my goals. This weekend my mother is going to help me fill out the FAFSA and apply for fall night courses to knock out my general studies.  I'm excited and nervous about following my dream.  I hope everything somehow falls into place in the end. 0 Comments

01/29/2023 08:30 PM  Performance at The Well This past Saturday I felt honored for being able to perform at "The Well" during their open mic night.  I performed one of the first songs I've ever written.  I don't have this song available on my SoundCloud so if you'd like to hear the not even two minute song the YouTube link to the video of my performance is below: https://youtu.be/ZRIn6-JKDcE 0 Comments

01/29/2023 08:02 PM  January 29th 2023 These past few days have been very busy. Friday, I had the day off.  I requested the day off as I had a job interview that day.  The interview was at eleven and I woke up at eight.  I had a few hours to kill before needing to get ready and so I called an old friend.  We talked about new relationships, jokes, videos, and music.  Turns out, he really likes my music!  We talked on the phone until an hour before my interview. After our call, I started getting ready for my interview.  The business had emailed me before-hand and told me that I needed to dress in business attire.  Luckily, I had a woman's business suit from thrifting with my mother that has been begging to be worn.   The interview wasn't exactly what I expected.  I expected an actual interview; people asking me questions and me asking questions in return.  Instead, this was part one of a two-part interview.  Part one was just listening to the manager of the office I was applying for explaining the history of the business and how my first year would look. After finishing the "interview", I called my friend again and started reworking my song "Self Crucifixion."  I finally finished the song and it's now able to stream!  I'll leave a link below: Self Crucifixion on SoundCloud Later I went to Dungeons and Dragons night with my lover and his family.  It was a fun night, I learned that I have a secret love for Pedialyte apple juice. Saturday was nerve-wracking.  My lover and I spent the whole day at his home.  I drew a bit and watched him play Red Dead Redemption II.  Later that night was when the nerves upped a notch.  My lover, a friend, the friend's girlfriend, and I went to a local open mic night at a church called, "The Well." I was one of the last people to go up on stage because I signed up last but I was still super nervous.  Here's a photo of what I looked like on stage: The song I decided to play was an original song called, "Yet."  I haven't uploaded it to SoundCloud yet so if you want to listen to it the link to the YouTube video of my performance is below: Yet at The Well Today was a calming day.  I woke up at my lover's house and we went to McDonald's for breakfast.  Not the healthiest choice but it was so good.  After watching him play RDRII for a few more hours it was time for me to go home.   When I arrived home my mother told me that my room wasn't clean enough for us to move around furniture.  I spent all afternoon and half of the evening cleaning my room and only being able to get the closet clean.  I'm so tired of cleaning that I pushed the mess on my bed to one side of my bed.  Tomorrow I will clean around my vanity and my bed so I can sleep better tomorrow night.  0 Comments

01/26/2023 04:46 PM  January 26th 2023 Today was absolutely dreadful.   My day started off with moving an office back to its home for, hopefully, the final time.  Theo told the employees in that office to empty out their fridge before we move it.  They didn't.  As me and Theo moved the fridge it left a trail of snacks and the sealing broke.  I was pretty pissed as I knew that that office would complain that we broke their fridge.  On my way back to their temporary office one of the employees asked me, "What's wrong with your face?" In response I told her, "The seal is broken on your fridge since y'all can't even empty a damn fridge." I didn't hear her response, but I know she was taken aback since I usually just stay quiet.  Turns out she told the supervisors which meant my father found out what I said.  He called the woman into his office and made me apologize to her, as well as her supervisor.  Apparently, they must have dyslexia of the ears as they claim that I said, "Your fridge is broken since y'all can't even empty a f***ing fridge." That made me even more pissed!  I said an apology, cried in my father's office for a bit, then went back to work. For a good while work went well afterwards.  That was until the temporary building manager told us that we had to replace all the televisions in an office.  Theo went headless chicken mode which ensued the rest of the day to be a panic.  The same office that I apparently cursed out an employee decided that the desk they had wasn't good enough, so we had to go over to the sister company, pick up an old desk of theirs, drop off our old desk at the dump, and bring in the used desk.   Finally, it seemed like the day was calming down.  Theo told me to put together the two new carts that were delivered.  I wasn't really upset about it; it was only attaching the wheels and the handle.  Easy right? Wrong.  The bolts that were issued for the carts had heads that were too big.  This meant that every time I tried to tighten a bolt, the wheel got in the way from it fully securing. After half an hour of struggling I was finally able to get the first cart together.  This was when my coworker finally came out of the shop to help me build the other one.  I didn't find it fair that this certain coworker does next to nothing, so I just left them there with the tools and instructions to build the second one. By the time I got back to the shop it was ten minutes 'til clock out time.   Now that I've been home and calmed down a bit, I realize that what I did was pretty mean to my coworker.  Even though he doesn't do a lot he is always trying to keep a positive mood in the shop.  I've since apologized to him as he is technically my cousin.   At least today was my Friday.  I took the day off tomorrow for my job interview with a phone company.  I hope everything goes well and I'll be able to put my two weeks in on Monday. 0 Comments

01/25/2023 09:50 PM  January 25th 2023 Today was absolutely magnificent.  It started off slow and not quite the best.  This morning me and Theo had to go outside on the scissor lift to replace a broken window.  The ground outside wasn't level and so we had problems with the lift not going up high enough. After our window endeavor, we went back to the shop.  While in there I checked my phone to find out that one of the new jobs I applied for wanted to interview me!  Immediately I tried calling back, but the business was closed so instead I sent an email.  Right away they called me back and we scheduled a mini-interview during my lunch break.  When my lunch break came around, I called the business back and we set up a full interview for Friday!  The only problem was that the interview was supposed to take place at eleven a.m. Luckily, I had enough vacation time to take off Friday and tell my boss so that he could approve my request.  I'm very excited and hope that I get the position. Later during the workday, me and my coworkers found out that Theo applied to a different place as well out of fear of being terminated. All in all, today was a great workday. Once I arrived at home I took the family dog out for a walk; or at least I tried to.  It was pouring and she doesn't very much like the rain, so it was a struggle just to get her in the grass.  Eventually she peed a bit but then she ran back inside. Afterwards I took a shower and got changed before heading to my lover's house.  There we cuddled and watched a movie together before going through the drive-thru for dinner.  Not long after getting back to his house and finishing my meal I had to go home.  It was still pouring so I was a bit nervous about driving my tiny car home, but I made it! I'm absolutely ecstatic for Friday.  Wish me good luck! 0 Comments

01/24/2023 07:52 PM  January 24th 2023 Apologies for not writing yesterday, I've been busy making music and spending time with my lover.  Nothing interesting happened yesterday. The day was spent moving offices, once again, for new flooring.   Once I got home, I had to turn around and take off once again. I had to return a package from StitchFix which meant I had to go to the post office. After that chore was finished I checked on my screen-printing stencil to see if the modpodge had dried. It finally had and so I grabbed an old white shirt and started painting. To my surprise, It turned out to work perfectly! The only thing I'm worried about is the paint chipping off in the washer, even though I mixed it with fabric softener. Here's a picture of the shirt;   Today at work wasn't much different, other than Theo thoroughly pissing everyone off. I had the honor this morning of playing errand boy. I had to grab a drill bit from the shop and bring it to Tyler, then Theo wanted his driver set. Tyler didn't want Theo to use his driver set which meant I had to go back to the shop to retrieve Theo's. I brought him his set and then he tells me that he wanted me to fix the charging stations and replace all the screws so that they matched the phones.   After I went back to the shop to retrieve my tools, I came to the realization that the phone screws and the charging screws were already the same. I tried to tell Theo this but he was too stubborn to even listen. I ended up replacing the screws with full knowledge that I'll be back there next week to replace them again when he finally realizes. Once I got home, I took the family dog out and followed up with nothing. I did nothing for a few hours before dinner. After dinner, I started the final editing on "Queen of the Hill". I've been going back and forth about how I wanted this song to sound but I think that I finally found a sound I'm happy with. I'll put a link to the song below; Queen of the Hill 0 Comments

01/22/2023 08:39 PM  January 22nd 2023 Let's start with yesterday. Yesterday was Saturday so I didn't have work.  I decided that I hated the way my new song sounded so I deleted it, apologies if you did like it.  I've been reworking and editing it to try and find a sound that I like. I ended up waking up really early yesterday.  I woke up at seven a.m. due to my lover calling me.  Nothing dreadful happened, he just wanted to tell me that he loved me.  I rose from my bed and made myself breakfast, a plate with different fruits and vegetables on it, and sat in the living room watching YouTube. After a couple of hours my father woke up and stole the remote from me.  The day seemed like a good day until my mother woke up. She had planned a last-minute chore for my father and so he was pissed off.  Since my father was pissed off, my mother was pissed off.   He was pissed to the point of as soon as the dryer went off, he was yelling at me to come fold the laundry.  I did as I was told, changed my attire, and left to my lover's house. My parents already knew I was going to spend the night there, so I wasn't concerned about angering them more. My lover hadn't been feeling the best since Friday.  His symptoms have pretty much cleared up by Saturday, but he still had a terrible migraine.  It was his first time having a migraine which caused him not to know what to do about it. I took care of him.  I placed him in a cold room, with no lights on and the windows shut.  I gave him a damp towel for his forehead and made him take some Excedrin for his pain.  After a few hours of cuddling in this situation he felt better. We were planning on going to a rodeo, but he was scared of his migraine coming back so we didn't.  Instead, we met up with an old friend and talked a bit before heading back home.  Like I stated before, I spent the night at his house. This morning we cuddled for a couple of hours and then left to get Dunkin.  By the time we arrived back at his house it was time for me to go home. When I arrived, there were packages waiting for me.  One of them was from Victoria's Secret for valentine's day, and the other was the three-faced-doll I ordered a few days ago.  The doll is a bit smaller than I expected but I still love him.  Turns out, Victoria's Secret sent me an extra item of what I ordered from them last time for free.  I'll use it as a back-up in case my other one breaks. I started a new project today.  I was scrolling through Pinterest when I found a video detailing how to screen-print your own clothing.  I wanted to try it right away, so I went to the store and bought the materials needed. -A picture frame -Tights -Modpodge -Paint -Fabric softener -And paintbrushes By the time I arrived home from Walmart I had to leave for a family friend's house.  Today we were having a little late Christmas where we would exchange gifts.  She loves my art and has it hanging all around her little apartment, I decided to draw a scene from her favorite movie this year.  Her favorite movie is, "The Abominable Dr. Phibes".  It's a Vincent Price movie.  I'll leave a photo of my art down below. My lover beat me and my family home for dinner.  Tonight, my mother made filet mignon.  It was delicious.  After dinner we all played Uno together. Once my dad defeated everyone in Uno my lover had to leave.  I kissed him goodbye and have been working on my screen-printing since then.  I'm only writing this now as I'm waiting for the Modpodge to dry. 0 Comments

01/20/2023 05:51 PM  January 20th 2023 Current mood:  angsty Today was very bittersweet.  The workday went by peacefully and slowly.  We only had a few things people had put work orders in for.  The boss ordered pizza for everybody today as it was Friday.  It would have been a perfect workday if the old building manager was still there. News spread pretty quickly of her termination and people began showing their true colors.  Our medical department was practically jumping for glee, which I don't understand why since our old building manager did everything for them. Another department manager couldn't wipe the stupid grin off his face.  This isn't what she deserved. My father is going to visit her tonight to give her his condolences and sympathy.   When I got home today, I completed my new song, "Self-Crucifixion."  It's a song about harming yourself as a punishment in different ways.  I played around with a few different things, and I keep going back and forth between liking it and not so please give me ideas on how to make it better. I found out that my lover didn't go to work because he was ill.  He had a fever of over one hundred degrees and couldn't stop sweating along with feeling cold. He says that he feels a bit better now, I just hope feels a lot better by tomorrow.  I don't really have much more to say today, sorry I don't have as many stories or details to add like I did before. 0 Comments

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