Last Login:
January 29th, 2023

Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 21
Country: United States

Signup Date:
August 23, 2022



01/29/2023 08:30 PM 

Performance at The Well

This past Saturday I felt honored for being able to perform at "The Well" during their open mic night.  I performed one of the first songs I've ever written.  I don't have this song available on my SoundCloud so if you'd like to hear the not even two minute song the YouTube link to the video of my performance is below:

01/29/2023 08:02 PM 

January 29th 2023

These past few days have been very busy.

Friday, I had the day off.  I requested the day off as I had a job interview that day.  The interview was at eleven and I woke up at eight.  I had a few hours to kill before needing to get ready and so I called an old friend.  We talked about new relationships, jokes, videos, and music.  Turns out, he really likes my music!  We talked on the phone until an hour before my interview.

After our call, I started getting ready for my interview.  The business had emailed me before-hand and told me that I needed to dress in business attire.  Luckily, I had a woman's business suit from thrifting with my mother that has been begging to be worn.  

The interview wasn't exactly what I expected.  I expected an actual interview; people asking me questions and me asking questions in return.  Instead, this was part one of a two-part interview.  Part one was just listening to the manager of the office I was applying for explaining the history of the business and how my first year would look.

After finishing the "interview", I called my friend again and started reworking my song "Self Crucifixion."  I finally finished the song and it's now able to stream!  I'll leave a link below:

Self Crucifixion on SoundCloud

Later I went to Dungeons and Dragons night with my lover and his family.  It was a fun night, I learned that I have a secret love for Pedialyte apple juice.

Saturday was nerve-wracking.  My lover and I spent the whole day at his home.  I drew a bit and watched him play Red Dead Redemption II.  Later that night was when the nerves upped a notch.  My lover, a friend, the friend's girlfriend, and I went to a local open mic night at a church called, "The Well."

I was one of the last people to go up on stage because I signed up last but I was still super nervous.  Here's a photo of what I looked like on stage:

The song I decided to play was an original song called, "Yet."  I haven't uploaded it to SoundCloud yet so if you want to listen to it the link to the YouTube video of my performance is below:

Yet at The Well

Today was a calming day.  I woke up at my lover's house and we went to McDonald's for breakfast.  Not the healthiest choice but it was so good.  After watching him play RDRII for a few more hours it was time for me to go home.  

When I arrived home my mother told me that my room wasn't clean enough for us to move around furniture.  I spent all afternoon and half of the evening cleaning my room and only being able to get the closet clean.  I'm so tired of cleaning that I pushed the mess on my bed to one side of my bed.  Tomorrow I will clean around my vanity and my bed so I can sleep better tomorrow night. 

01/26/2023 04:46 PM 

January 26th 2023

Today was absolutely dreadful.  

My day started off with moving an office back to its home for, hopefully, the final time.  Theo told the employees in that office to empty out their fridge before we move it.  They didn't.  As me and Theo moved the fridge it left a trail of snacks and the sealing broke.  I was pretty pissed as I knew that that office would complain that we broke their fridge.  On my way back to their temporary office one of the employees asked me, "What's wrong with your face?"

In response I told her, "The seal is broken on your fridge since y'all can't even empty a damn fridge."

I didn't hear her response, but I know she was taken aback since I usually just stay quiet.  Turns out she told the supervisors which meant my father found out what I said.  He called the woman into his office and made me apologize to her, as well as her supervisor.  Apparently, they must have dyslexia of the ears as they claim that I said, "Your fridge is broken since y'all can't even empty a f***ing fridge."

That made me even more pissed!  I said an apology, cried in my father's office for a bit, then went back to work.

For a good while work went well afterwards.  That was until the temporary building manager told us that we had to replace all the televisions in an office.  Theo went headless chicken mode which ensued the rest of the day to be a panic.  The same office that I apparently cursed out an employee decided that the desk they had wasn't good enough, so we had to go over to the sister company, pick up an old desk of theirs, drop off our old desk at the dump, and bring in the used desk.  

Finally, it seemed like the day was calming down.  Theo told me to put together the two new carts that were delivered.  I wasn't really upset about it; it was only attaching the wheels and the handle.  Easy right? Wrong.  The bolts that were issued for the carts had heads that were too big.  This meant that every time I tried to tighten a bolt, the wheel got in the way from it fully securing.

After half an hour of struggling I was finally able to get the first cart together.  This was when my coworker finally came out of the shop to help me build the other one.  I didn't find it fair that this certain coworker does next to nothing, so I just left them there with the tools and instructions to build the second one.

By the time I got back to the shop it was ten minutes 'til clock out time.  

Now that I've been home and calmed down a bit, I realize that what I did was pretty mean to my coworker.  Even though he doesn't do a lot he is always trying to keep a positive mood in the shop.  I've since apologized to him as he is technically my cousin.  

At least today was my Friday.  I took the day off tomorrow for my job interview with a phone company.  I hope everything goes well and I'll be able to put my two weeks in on Monday.

01/25/2023 09:50 PM 

January 25th 2023

Today was absolutely magnificent.  It started off slow and not quite the best.  This morning me and Theo had to go outside on the scissor lift to replace a broken window.  The ground outside wasn't level and so we had problems with the lift not going up high enough.

After our window endeavor, we went back to the shop.  While in there I checked my phone to find out that one of the new jobs I applied for wanted to interview me!  Immediately I tried calling back, but the business was closed so instead I sent an email.  Right away they called me back and we scheduled a mini-interview during my lunch break.  When my lunch break came around, I called the business back and we set up a full interview for Friday!  The only problem was that the interview was supposed to take place at eleven a.m.

Luckily, I had enough vacation time to take off Friday and tell my boss so that he could approve my request.  I'm very excited and hope that I get the position.

Later during the workday, me and my coworkers found out that Theo applied to a different place as well out of fear of being terminated.

All in all, today was a great workday.

Once I arrived at home I took the family dog out for a walk; or at least I tried to.  It was pouring and she doesn't very much like the rain, so it was a struggle just to get her in the grass.  Eventually she peed a bit but then she ran back inside.

Afterwards I took a shower and got changed before heading to my lover's house.  There we cuddled and watched a movie together before going through the drive-thru for dinner.  Not long after getting back to his house and finishing my meal I had to go home.  It was still pouring so I was a bit nervous about driving my tiny car home, but I made it!

I'm absolutely ecstatic for Friday.  Wish me good luck!

01/24/2023 07:52 PM 

January 24th 2023

Apologies for not writing yesterday, I've been busy making music and spending time with my lover.  Nothing interesting happened yesterday. The day was spent moving offices, once again, for new flooring.  

Once I got home, I had to turn around and take off once again. I had to return a package from StitchFix which meant I had to go to the post office. After that chore was finished I checked on my screen-printing stencil to see if the modpodge had dried. It finally had and so I grabbed an old white shirt and started painting. To my surprise, It turned out to work perfectly! The only thing I'm worried about is the paint chipping off in the washer, even though I mixed it with fabric softener.

Here's a picture of the shirt;


Today at work wasn't much different, other than Theo thoroughly pissing everyone off. I had the honor this morning of playing errand boy. I had to grab a drill bit from the shop and bring it to Tyler, then Theo wanted his driver set. Tyler didn't want Theo to use his driver set which meant I had to go back to the shop to retrieve Theo's. I brought him his set and then he tells me that he wanted me to fix the charging stations and replace all the screws so that they matched the phones.  

After I went back to the shop to retrieve my tools, I came to the realization that the phone screws and the charging screws were already the same. I tried to tell Theo this but he was too stubborn to even listen. I ended up replacing the screws with full knowledge that I'll be back there next week to replace them again when he finally realizes.

Once I got home, I took the family dog out and followed up with nothing. I did nothing for a few hours before dinner. After dinner, I started the final editing on "Queen of the Hill". I've been going back and forth about how I wanted this song to sound but I think that I finally found a sound I'm happy with.

I'll put a link to the song below;

Queen of the Hill

01/22/2023 08:39 PM 

January 22nd 2023

Let's start with yesterday.

Yesterday was Saturday so I didn't have work.  I decided that I hated the way my new song sounded so I deleted it, apologies if you did like it.  I've been reworking and editing it to try and find a sound that I like.

I ended up waking up really early yesterday.  I woke up at seven a.m. due to my lover calling me.  Nothing dreadful happened, he just wanted to tell me that he loved me.  I rose from my bed and made myself breakfast, a plate with different fruits and vegetables on it, and sat in the living room watching YouTube.

After a couple of hours my father woke up and stole the remote from me.  The day seemed like a good day until my mother woke up.

She had planned a last-minute chore for my father and so he was pissed off.  Since my father was pissed off, my mother was pissed off.  

He was pissed to the point of as soon as the dryer went off, he was yelling at me to come fold the laundry.  I did as I was told, changed my attire, and left to my lover's house.

My parents already knew I was going to spend the night there, so I wasn't concerned about angering them more.

My lover hadn't been feeling the best since Friday.  His symptoms have pretty much cleared up by Saturday, but he still had a terrible migraine.  It was his first time having a migraine which caused him not to know what to do about it.

I took care of him.  I placed him in a cold room, with no lights on and the windows shut.  I gave him a damp towel for his forehead and made him take some Excedrin for his pain.  After a few hours of cuddling in this situation he felt better.

We were planning on going to a rodeo, but he was scared of his migraine coming back so we didn't.  Instead, we met up with an old friend and talked a bit before heading back home.  Like I stated before, I spent the night at his house.

This morning we cuddled for a couple of hours and then left to get Dunkin.  By the time we arrived back at his house it was time for me to go home.

When I arrived, there were packages waiting for me.  One of them was from Victoria's Secret for valentine's day, and the other was the three-faced-doll I ordered a few days ago.  The doll is a bit smaller than I expected but I still love him.  Turns out, Victoria's Secret sent me an extra item of what I ordered from them last time for free.  I'll use it as a back-up in case my other one breaks.

I started a new project today.  I was scrolling through Pinterest when I found a video detailing how to screen-print your own clothing.  I wanted to try it right away, so I went to the store and bought the materials needed.

-A picture frame




-Fabric softener

-And paintbrushes

By the time I arrived home from Walmart I had to leave for a family friend's house.  Today we were having a little late Christmas where we would exchange gifts.  She loves my art and has it hanging all around her little apartment, I decided to draw a scene from her favorite movie this year.  Her favorite movie is, "The Abominable Dr. Phibes".  It's a Vincent Price movie.  I'll leave a photo of my art down below.

My lover beat me and my family home for dinner.  Tonight, my mother made filet mignon.  It was delicious.  After dinner we all played Uno together.

Once my dad defeated everyone in Uno my lover had to leave.  I kissed him goodbye and have been working on my screen-printing since then.  I'm only writing this now as I'm waiting for the Modpodge to dry.

01/20/2023 05:51 PM 

January 20th 2023
Current mood:  angsty

Today was very bittersweet.  The workday went by peacefully and slowly.  We only had a few things people had put work orders in for.  The boss ordered pizza for everybody today as it was Friday.  It would have been a perfect workday if the old building manager was still there.

News spread pretty quickly of her termination and people began showing their true colors.  Our medical department was practically jumping for glee, which I don't understand why since our old building manager did everything for them.

Another department manager couldn't wipe the stupid grin off his face.  This isn't what she deserved.

My father is going to visit her tonight to give her his condolences and sympathy.  

When I got home today, I completed my new song, "Self-Crucifixion."  It's a song about harming yourself as a punishment in different ways.  I played around with a few different things, and I keep going back and forth between liking it and not so please give me ideas on how to make it better.

I found out that my lover didn't go to work because he was ill.  He had a fever of over one hundred degrees and couldn't stop sweating along with feeling cold.

He says that he feels a bit better now, I just hope feels a lot better by tomorrow.  I don't really have much more to say today, sorry I don't have as many stories or details to add like I did before.

01/19/2023 08:08 PM 

January 19th 2023

Today was okay, for the most part.  Work only consisted of moving an office into a new room and some small trivial tasks, so it was pretty calming. 
After work was when the storm hit.

I got home a few minutes before my father but when he walked in, the news was dropped.


The building manager, our family friend, the woman I owed my job to, was terminated.

Tomorrow is going to be a mess as, nobody knows what's going to happen.

This is the first time in a long time of the building's history to have the manager fired instead of them stepping down.

My father and I are scared for our jobs. If this new manager doesn't like the way things are now they could potentially have us both fired.

After this news I went to DnD night with my lover. It was already planned ahead, and they couldn't really play without me, so I went.

When the game finally started my lover's stepsiblings started fighting. The older brother pushed the younger brother into the counter, and it set his stepmother off.

"How many times do I have to tell you to keep your f***ing hands off your sister!"

"I'm going to f***ing hit you."

Were among some of the things she said.

I could feel the tears coming so I stepped outside for a bit. She reminds me so much of my own mother and it scared me. The older brother shoving around his little sister also scared me; my younger brother has choked me out to the point of having bruises on my neck. I got scared.

My lover came outside and helped calm me down. During the process his father came outside.

Apparently, the older brother pushed his younger sister down to the floor earlier and that's why his mom blew up.

Needless to say, we didn't continue playing DnD.

The incident made me think if I really do have trauma with my family. I've always said I have trauma, but I always feel bad for saying it because I always believed that I was faking it.

Maybe I'm not.

01/18/2023 06:42 PM 

January 18th 2023

I had a nightmare last night that almost made me cry.  I've since forgotten the details, but I remember that it was about my father.  He died, and all I was left with was his little newsboy cap he wears every day.

I suppose that was my hint to today not being a good day.

After waking up and coming to, I stepped on the scale and saw that I've lost five pounds in two days!  I knew that the way I achieved it wasn't healthy, I took laxatives without needing them the day before, yet I wanted the same results again, so I took some again this morning.

Obviously, that wasn't a good idea.

I felt fine until I clocked in; then my stomach started cannibalizing itself, at least that's what it felt like.  Today I was supposed to do my coworker's job since he had to be with the pest control guys.  I felt so bad this morning, as soon as I walked into the shop, I made a bee line for the bathroom.  I sat there for at least half an hour not able to make a bowel movement but in some of the worst pain I've ever been in.

I was sweating so much I had sweat through my undershirt.  The pain was so bad that I ended up sitting straight with my arms on my head, that was until I fell back and nearly passed out.  After feeling a bit better, I got to work with the janitorial duties.  I went down to the janitor's office but then the pain hit again; at least this time I was able to poop.  

After some more stomach pain I finally caved in and asked my supervisor if I could leave early to go to the doctor.  I really do think the only reason he let me leave was because of how long I worked last Friday.

I knew what was wrong with me, it was clearly the laxatives, but I needed a doctor's note to be excused from work, so I went to a local twenty-four-hour clinic.  

They believe that it might be some colon infection, but I really know what it is.  They made me take home a kit to collect four stool samples and to turn them into the local test lab as well as gave me medication to help solidify my bowel movements.  I'll put a picture of the kit below.

After I got home, I went to the bathroom and just sat there with a bottle of water and sunflower seeds for a while.  During this time, I was scrolling on my phone out of boredom when I came across a listing on eBay of a doll that I've been looking for forever.

It's an old porcelain doll that has one head with three faces.  It was made before baby dolls could close their eyes.  You would put a bonnet over the two faces you didn't want to show and if you wanted to change it, there would be a knob on the top of the head for you to turn the head around.  One face would usually be a neutral babydoll face, another a crying face, and the last a sleeping face.  

The doll I ordered doesn't have any arms, but I find the doll more endearing that way.  Now I can make custom clothing for them when they arrive.  I'm very excited if you couldn't tell.  There will be a picture of the doll I ordered below.  If you're reading this, give me some name options for the sweetie!

After a few hours of being home I collected the stool samples and turned them into the lab for testing.  Following that, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medications, and then Walmart to make a deposit at the bank.

I'm not going to lie; I am not excited for work tomorrow.  I enjoyed having the day off but at least I won't have to play janitor tomorrow.

01/17/2023 05:38 PM 

January 17th 2023

Today was a pretty mediocre day to say the least.  Work wasn't hectic, my lover didn't come over, I didn't go to my lover's house, it was a slow day.

Work started with replacing one of the phones in an office.  It's a pretty easy process; remove phone, put up new phone, take old phone back to shop, replace the broken pieces in the phone, check if it works, put on shelf when working.

That's really all I did today at work.  Theo tried to chew me out for working so late last Friday but I didn't know that the company had a sixteen-hour policy on work hours.  Oh well, as long as they pay me what I'm due.

When I got home, I had a few packages arrive.  One was an art piece that I bought on Esty, the other was from my aunt.  My Nana died back in twenty-twenty, she passed from covid two days before they made a vaccine.

Anyways, the package contained one of my Nanan's rings.  I'm wearing it now as I type, I'll put a picture of it down below.


I received some feedback and suggestions on my demo, "Mother".  They told me that I should add some distorted screaming and that the piano kind of ruins the feeling that I'm going for.  I took part of their advice and added some screaming to it.  I didn't remove the piano simply because I like it, think it adds an eerie feeling rather than just a mental breakdown feeling.


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