10/11/2023 07:53 PM  October 11th 2023 Today was a calm day.  Since I didn't have to go to work, due to sickness, I stayed at home for the majority of the day.  I got to wake up late this morning, albeit late meaning seven in the morning.  I had some boiled egg whites for breakfast and watched youtube for a bit.   Around eight I got dressed and started putting chords to lyrics of a new song that I'm working on.  Afterwards I went out to Barnes and Nobles to pick up a book about guitar and ended up walking out with a beginner guitar set, the last unicorn, and we have always lived in the castle.  I've seen the last unicorn movie and heard good reviews about the other book so I bought them while I was there.  While I was out I picked up my medication from Rite-Aid.   When I got back home I brought in the thrifting finds that I bought yesterday.  Below is a picture of a pair of shoes that I found and the last unicorn book. I filmed a new youtube video of the rough draft of my song Reflections.  I'm pretty proud of it, now to be able to translate it to guitar would be great.  Below is the link to my youtube video. Reflections Song For lunch I had some potato skins and a dragonfruit mango refresher from Starbucks.  I decided that It would probably be a good idea to wash my bedding since I haven't done it in a while and the family dog pissed on it.  Only problem was that after It was done in the washer I found that the comforter had been torn in multiple places also because of the family dog.  I threw it away and now have one blanket on my bed. This evening I had oatmeal and chocolate almond butter for dinner.  After dinner I found that where I was hurting I had bruises and got really worried that I was bleeding somewhere in my body.  My mom came home and told me it was most likely an infection since I had to wear the same pair of underwear for four days during my camping trip this past weekend.  Anyways, now I am headed to bed as I do have work tomorrow, goodnight and sweet dreams. 0 Comments

10/10/2023 09:42 PM  October 10th 2023 Current mood:  tired This past weekend I went on a camping trip with my lover and his family.  I was quite excited to go but everything changed when we arrived in Shenandoah.   Firstly, his father's girlfriend forgot to mention that her entire family would be there.  I barely knew her and her kids but adding on another fifteen people I did not know in a place I have never been to before made me upset.  After that, my lover's little brother (who is fourteen and has been on many camping trips before) put on a show of not knowing how to pitch his tent so I had to pitch it.  I got so tired of it that my lover finished it before I tore it a new one.   The worst part was during the night.  It was freezing, but I was expecting that in the mountains.  What I was not expecting was the rain, which would have been fine if we brought tarps to put the tents on.  We did not.  All of my clothes got soaked which meant that I had to wear my lover's sweatpants and the same shirt for four days straight. In the morning, his father's girlfriend decided she was tired of it as well and that we all were going to go home.  My lover and I already had plans to stay as he was going to meet some of his Xbox friends.  The problem was that since his father did not pack anything up and instead opted to throw it all in his truck, meant that my lover's younger brother had to ride with us.  Which he threw a hissy-fit over and tried to get us to drop him off at home first, which was a five hour drive just to get there.   In the end, at least I got some pretty pictures, but I do not think I will go camping with his family again. 0 Comments

02/19/2023 06:05 PM  February 19th 2023 Today was the day! The day I finished cleaning my room and finally picked up my new bookcase! It took a whole weekend but now my room is finally clean.  I don't think I've ever seen it this clean before.  I'll put some photos below of my favorite parts. The first photo is the wall by my bed.  I have a quilt hanging up to cover past wall damage and a lamp I made out of a baby doll head.  The second photo is of my new vanity.  I really like the three mirrors design it has.  The third photo is of my nightstand and bookcase.  I love that the bookcase looks like a dollhouse.  The last photo is of my dresser.  She looks a bit cluttered but once I figure out where to put some of this stuff she'll look a lot better. I've completely redecorated my room but she's still not done.  I'd like to get more shelves to display my dolls on as well as find a Disney princess TV set.  I'll look for them more later tonight; As a reward for finishing my room I'm going to buy Disney Dreamlight Valley for my switch.  Super excited!! 0 Comments

02/18/2023 11:13 PM  February 18th 2023 Apologies for not writing yesterday.  I was very busy and got home very late.   Today was sadly another very busy day.   This entire weekend has been planned to be a cleaning, rearranging, and decorating weekend.  My mother decided this since her and father needed a new bed.  Though I wasn't excited for a weekend full of cleaning the room I've been neglecting, I took the chance to replace some furniture and redecorate my room. I ordered a new vanity as mine was too big for what I needed and put it together with my lover today.  Together we removed my old art desk as I didn't ever use it.  My lover left after my mother volunteered him too much.   During that time, I tried to finish my room.  So far I have my bed and the floor cleaned.  Tomorrow me and my lover are going to pick up my new bookshelf.  After he drops me and the bookshelf off I'm going to go through my current books and remove my current bookshelf.  Once the bookshelf is in there, I'll move my decor shelf to the other end of my bed and replace it with a nightstand. I'm excited for my room to be finished tomorrow!  Hopefully everything goes to plan and the seller doesn't cancel again. 0 Comments

02/16/2023 08:50 PM  February 16th 2023 The weather was so nice today!  The temperature was in the seventies!  The weather made me really happy; I can't wait for summer. Work went by alright.  We had contractors come in to replace our old ovens and fryers.  For some reason, they didn't bring their own tools so they had to borrow my entire box.  It was so messy by the end of the day!   After work I went to my lover's house.  We were supposed to pick up a bookshelf today, but the lady had plans so we're picking it up tomorrow.   We cuddled and went out to Panera for dinner.  I wanted Chik-Fil-A but his father was adamant on paying for all of us so I went wherever he chose.  I got the spicy chicken sandwich, which I realized later was very high calorie. Speaking of calories and such, I reached my first goal weight!  I weigh two-hundred and nine pounds as of this morning.  For celebration I ordered myself a new bag.  I have a list on Amazon for all my weight goals.  If I can get through this diet successfully, which I will since tomorrow is the last day of it, I'm going to buy myself a new phone case. Tomorrow at work we have to start moving the library.  It's supposed to be packed up, but people there never want to do anything to help maintenance.  I wish I could call out, but I can't because I need to pick up that bookshelf tomorrow.  Hopefully one of the places I applied to reaches out to me. I applied to more places today that I'll call into tomorrow.  With summer coming up I really want a job that my parents won't be pissed about me spending nights somewhere else during workdays.  It would also be nice to be able to lie about going to work and instead going out again. I'm young and in my early twenties!  Let me make mistakes and live my life as a twenty-one-year-old! 0 Comments

02/15/2023 09:56 PM  February 15th 2023 I wasn't let go today.  I told the truth about every single thing during the exam and still wasn't let go.  The second part of the exam is with a psychiatrist, but I don't want to wait until the end of March!  I hate this job so much. Other than the exam, today went pretty well.  Work wasn't busy at all, I practically watched YouTube all day!  Theo was upset with that as he believes that with any downtime we have should be spent finding something else to do but he was sent home early. After work I went to my lover's house.  I hadn't eaten anything yet, so I stopped at Dollar Genral before arriving at his home.  I bought mini cucumbers and Thai tuna salad.  I made little boats out of the cucumber and stuffed them with the tuna, it was delicious. Tomorrow me and my lover are taking an hour-long drive to pick up a bookcase off of Facebook marketplace.  I wanted him to come with me since the drive is about forty minutes out and I didn't want to go alone, I'm not that stupid. Eventually I had to leave my lover and go to my class.  The instructor is nice but he goes into detail about every little thing and it annoys me so much.  Was also told the news that even though I have work off Monday, classes are still going on.  Why even bother to have a national holiday when most schools aren't closed for it?  I know I sound like a thirteen-year-old saying that but it's just how I feel right now. Not excited for work tomorrow, hopefully Theo calls out since he was sent home.  I can't call out or else my parents won't let me go pick up the bookcase.   I applied to more places today though!  I applied to Victoria Secret, Hollister, and as a receptionist for a local State Farm agent.  One of the past places I applied to rejected my application.  I'm glad that they told me though.  Tomorrow I'll be sure to call the places I applied to check on my application. 0 Comments

02/14/2023 09:50 PM  Valentines Day 2023 Happy Valentines Day!   I know I haven't been updating recently and that's my fault.  I've been busy but then again I'm the one making plans.  Since it's been so long since I last updated I'm just going to list some more major things rather than give detailed accounts of each day. -Had my nine-month anniversary with my lover -My lover has a new truck -My lover accidentally elbowed me so hard in the nose that my piercing scratched it and I started bleeding -I lost more weight -I still hate my job and am applying to new places -Tax returns came back and I'm using them to go to school -I have a psychological evaluation tomorrow that I hope I fail so they let me go On to today. Today I did not want to go to work, but I got ready and went anyways.  Pay day was today and I feel rude not going into work the day I get paid. My workday started off with Theo telling me and one of my coworkers to remove the metal detectors from the front office since we didn't use them anymore.  It was supposed to be a simple and easy task but the nuts securing the bolts wouldn't come up; they just kept spinning.  After about ten minutes of trying to fight with them, another coworker came in with the saw-zaw and cut them from the floor instead. After we removed the detectors, we went on a "smoke break."  The new building manager should be in any time soon and one of the rules of the company is that we can't have our phones in the building because of client information, even though we work maintenance.   Theo and a few other of my coworkers are smokers so when they take smoke breaks the rest of us do too just to sit on our phones in our cars. I used my time wisely and called a few offices I applied to check on my applications.  I've heard some people say they don't call places they've applied to because it makes them look desperate, but I think it makes you look like you're actually interested in the job and not just applying to anything you see. After our break we had to help Theo get rid of old files and put in new ones.  We threw away all files from twenty fifteen and before.  The new files to be placed in storage were from twenty twenty.   While my coworker was driving to the dump to get rid of the files, I was tasked with putting two partition walls in pieces by myself.  It took me over an hour and really pissed me off that no one helped me.  Once I got everything into the connex I had to stand outside another half an hour calling any of my workers to help me close it since the door was being a brat. Once everything was handled, I started making my way back to the shop to sit down for a bit but Theo called me on the radio before I could even get through the door.  He wanted me to go grab something while he was sitting on his ass in the shop.  I was pissed but I grabbed it, brought it back, and said I was heading out for lunch. I was really angry and went to Moe's just to get a diet root beer as they are the only place that has it.  I ended up walking out with a diet root beer and a tofu homewrecker bowl.  After I arrived back in the shop and ate lunch, I wasn't angry anymore, just disappointed in myself for eating so much. The rest of the workday went by pretty nicely.  I mainly watched YouTube for the rest of the day.  Once I clocked out I made a beeline to my lover's house.  By the time I got there he was sitting in bed eating his dinner.  I laid down next to him and promptly passed out.   We slept for a while and then left to go get his younger brother dinner.  When we got back though, we were welcomed by one of his old dogs leaving a watery sh*t for us to clean up.  He was not happy about this and started yelling before realizing that he was talking to a dog more than a decade old.  We left again for cleaning supplies and Febreze. After we got back the second time the dog had ran away.  We found him walking down the road towards the house.  A car was pulled over and an elderly lady was looking at the tag on his collar.  We thanked her for stopping for him and took him back home. Now I'm home and actually looking forward to work tomorrow.  I don't think I'm going to pass this evaluation and can only hope that they are forced to let me go because of it. 0 Comments

02/09/2023 04:59 PM  February 9th 2023 Yesterday was, hard. I didn't expect yesterday to be a struggle for me, yet it was.   A couple years ago, my grandmother on my father's side passed due to Covid.  I loved her very much and frankly; I'm still grieving over her death.  She had pre-existing health conditions which made her vulnerable to the virus.  My grandfather had the virus at the same time she did.  He was there holding her hand in the same hospital room; he was there with her until he had to use the bathroom.  While he was gone, she left our world, she was tired of fighting.  He was the last person to ever speak to her or hear her voice. Which is why seeing him get remarried less than two years later was so hard for me. I know I'm selfish and that I should be happy that he's happy, but I can't be.   These past few years since her passing have been the hardest for me.  Her passing opened my eyes to how my family really felt about me.  All the birthday cards she used to send me I would take for granted.  Since her passing I haven't received one card from any of the family that lived with her.  Not my grandfather, not my aunt, and certainly not my cousins. I witnessed him throw away the one woman on my father's side of the family that truly loved me for a woman who can pay for his cancer bills. I don't think I'll ever get over her death, and I don't think I'll ever approve of my grandfather's new marriage.  Yes, his new wife is kind, but she is not my grandmother. She will never be Nanan to me.   Below are a couple photos from the church they were married at.  The same church he'd preach at after Nanan proofread his sermons.  No, I will never get over this. 0 Comments

02/07/2023 05:11 PM  February 7th 2023 Today could have been better. My day started off with me waking up later than usual.  I forgot to set my alarm for this morning.  Luckily my father woke me up around the time I usually get dressed.   When I wake up late my entire morning routine is messed up.  Usually my routine goes:   Wake up at ten of five in the morning. Use the bathroom and weigh myself. Make breakfast and pack my lunch. Watch YouTube until my father gets out of the bathroom. Watch news with my father until five thirty. Get dressed for work. Start car if it's cold outside. Fill up my water bottle. Leave for work. I like to do my routine every day during the work week.  If I don't, it seems that my entire day goes wrong. Anyways, once I arrived at work I learned that there was only two things known that needed to be done.  I thought today was going to be an easy day. Sadly, Theo forgot to mention all the contractors we had coming in today.  We had four separate contractors come in today.  People working on the floor, the washing machines, the soap lines for the washing machines, and the security gate.  I'm just happy that I was able to get off on time.   After work I was looking forward to my lover coming over to my house.  He asked me to call him as soon as I got off and I did.  Turned out he wanted to go to the Dunkin down the street from my work.  We went together and ate, as well as talked about our day.  Sadly, he wanted to go to Dunkin with me because he promised his great-grandmother to help out with her television.  She lives over half an hour away from me so he wasn't going to have enough energy to drive back to my home once he was done. I informed him that we wouldn't really be able to hang out tomorrow either as I have a wedding to attend.  He wasn't invited because it was strictly family only.  We have both agreed on Thursday being the day we hang out, as well as out nine month anniversary on Saturday. Once I arrived home I saw that I had a package.  My guitar came in today!  It was bigger than I thought but the only other guitars I've played were the little ones made for kids.  I immediately opened her up and she was beautiful!  I downloaded yousician for the free tuner and then flew to YouTube as that's how I learned ukulele. I really hope I wasn't scammed out of two hundred dollars as the chords don't exactly sound right to me.  I hope it's just because I have a larger guitar than what I'm used to. After dinner I'm going to walk around a bit and do some exercise as well as shower.  Once I'm done with those things, I'm going to work on my guitar playing some more. Unlike when I was learning the ukulele, I don't have an abundance of free time on my hands.  When I first started playing the ukulele I was in a program called home hospital.  It was a home schooling program for students in the middle of a medical crisis.  I was bouncing in and out of mental hospitals so my parents enrolled me in the program to keep me on track.  I ended up having a lot of free time on my hands so I picked up the ukulele. I hope I can get the hang of playing the guitar as fast as I did the ukulele. 0 Comments

02/06/2023 10:44 PM  February 6th 2023 I finally did it.  I finally told my father how I really feel about my job. I told him, "In all seriousness, I'd rather kill myself then continue to work there." He told me that he was a bit sad that I wouldn't be working with him anymore but he wouldn't stop me from leaving.  The only catch was that he wanted me to have a job set up first.  I started applying to more places; some part time some full time.  If I'm going to be going back to school I need to be able to have time for school. Other than telling my father how I really felt, today was a bit of a let down.   I had half the day off as I had an interview scheduled but cancelled it in an episode of fear.  I still took the time off since I didn't feel the best.   My day started with Theo calling me because our boss forgot to tell him I had half the day off.  He must've been annoyed with me since he didn't really talk to me for the rest of the day. Before I had to get ready for work, I finished the lyrics and ukulele chords for a new song.  I know I said that I would be focusing on bettering my older songs but the idea just came to me and I had to write it down.  I showed my friend the song after I got back from work and he said that he really liked it.  Together we named it Violeta, which is Latin for violence.  It's named that after the seventh layer of hell in Dante's Inferno.   I wasn't home for long as I had to go to my electrician's class.  I was hoping to be able to spend some time with my lover but he got off from work later than usual and we were only able to spend maybe ten minutes together. The class was long and boring.  I spent most of the class doodling on my folder as I didn't really care.  The professor just wouldn't shut up about his own life.  I hate it when teachers are chatty and don't keep track of time. Hopefully one of the places I applied to will contact me tomorrow; if not I'll call them on Wednesday to check in on my application. 0 Comments

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