i dont feel real like im just a ghost living out my day to day. every day is exactly the same and its driving me crazy my mum is forcing me into a routine and i hate it. i wake up roll around in bed i get up wash my face clean my piercing get dressed do my makeup eeaatt sit at my computer for hours cry about doing work maybe leave the house have dinner play on the switch take my melatonin wash my face clean my piercing go to bed get me out get me out get me out get me out i want to feel real but i dont know how i dont want to hurt myself but i dont know anymore
heres some vent art i found in my DS case from the paper and art style it looks about a couple months or a year old? you can read the text if you want but you dont have to
i was doing so well today all i had was a liqurd breakfast thing (180cals) and 19 potato chips (132cals) but my f***ing mum ordered pizza and i ate the entire pepperoni pizza im never going to reach my goals :(
i should start staving again ive been binging for so long i cant even remember i ruined all my progress i wanted to get to 94lbs before my bday but thats not going to f***ing happening stopped exercising because i always feel like sh*t ive stopped counting calories because its hard to keep up with all the food i was shoving in my face i miss only eating 500cals a day i felt so good
seeing all these people struggling with staying clean makes me feel terrible like im not sick enough i can stay clean (from cutting) for ages and it makes me think im not good enough my life isnt hard enough i should cut more maybe people would take me seriously if i have scars all over me or maybe ill just get sent to the mental hospital but that doesnt sound too bad honestly maybe if i was dead my mum would finally feel bad for all the sh*t she did to me i want to throw up idk i neep help
