Gender: Female
Age: 19
Sign:
Gemini
Country: Canada
Signup Date:
February 19, 2024
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03/19/2024 12:54 AM
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im a creep im a weirdo what the hell am i doing heeere
Current mood:
 bummed
Things currently happening: Olive Garden interview in 15 hours, reject earnest emotions/sentiments, embrace the Super Salad.
I had a great weekend, I saw my great friends, and visited my hometown, which I have returned to once again to visit my mom temporarily because I am afraid at my city apartment. We went the restaurant in my town, and then to the park. I had a lot of fun swinging on the swings and shouting emo music with my friend, then spinning around on this really weird... thing? like, you sit on it, in these weird spots, and someone spins it, and there's not much barrier to prevent you from falling so you kinda just have to ball. 
Next day, I feel bad I don't remember it all, ohhh yeah I went and quickly visited some1 else- that was alright, then we got some food at the curling rink in the town over. Burger and a beer cuz im #BASED but i felt bad cuz it was the last burger so my friend had to get something else cringe even tho they were hungry. I feel bad. I'm gonna make it up to everyone. We all roughly come from the same place, just a group of small towns, it is all familiar. So it was good for all of us (one friend still lives around there rn actually AHHHH) We went swimming later that day and it was CRAYZ cuz i havent swam in sooo long. Lowkey the pool itself sucked sm but I still had fun. I can't swim well. And I embarrassed myself a lot.  MANY SUCH CASES!!!!!!! Sleepover after and I played M.A.S.H. w friend and lowkey my result was so lame which is sad cuz it couldve been so funny.
And last day... ohohoh..... SAINT PATRICKS DAY YUP!  Got ready all day, thrifted a bit, we stopped at the organic food store for friend's (BECK REFERENCE) protein bars~ . then we went to a pub. I REALLY liked it in there. It was awesome. 10/10 would go back, maybe sometime soon. It's hard cuz only 1 friend lives in the city and the rest are 1hr away in said hometowns. So making plans is KINDA hard, but they go to university nearby so it works out like that sometimes. I enjoy sneaking into their classes HEHEHEehehhehhehee................... After the pub endeavours I was pretty drunk cuz i had quite a lot of alcohol, BUT i wasnt sick or unable to stand or anything, i was chillin. When I get drunk I just listen to music and sing and be a bit silly. It's pretty annoying but at least i don't get angry or super sad or something. I'm just silly. I value this because I hate sad and angry drunk ppl. Why cant we just sing along to the music bruh. but thankfully my friends r pretty epic. 2 of em left so early which was SOOOOO SAD and unplanned and random so then just me and Beck were there, felt bad cuz I was #drunk and he was sober. this is so unfortunate.... shoutout beck though thank you for everythin!
I have an interview at OLIVE GARDEN tomorrow (today) at 3:15pm, that's SCARY but I kinda am not nervous at all so I think it'll be good. I'm chillin. But I need to read up fr. Idk anything abt Olive Garden besides i LUV pasta. I hope I can get hired because I REALLY need a job. My life is so boring and unending. And Im BROKE. Like actually.
Hopefully I'll be able to move in w my friend sooner than later. I'll have to break my lease but that's ok. No dollar amount is worth more than the debilitating anxiety and fear I feel in there. Many such cases.
I've been a little bit sad in the meantimes: I'm a pro fumbler and I think I will just DIE about it. It's not a secret, everyone knows.; I'm a creep im a weirdo what the hell am i doi
I'm an idiot and it doesn't help that my friends keep giving me confusing information.. how do I recover and be normal when I am told to hold out? be for real..... im dying IT SUUUUUUUCKS! i wish i could say anything about it but I already messed up. the futile efforts of a crush THE GREAT ROMANCES OF THE 20TH CENTURY AHHH SEPTEMBER NEVER GETS THIS COLD WHERE I COME FROM AND YOU KNOWWW IM NOT ONE FOR COMPLAININGGGGGG and he could read this... whats up chat. Im a freak im a weirdo please let me have this outlet here cuz I am too afraid of anywhere else. Notes app is NOT a safe space last time I checked . coughing. wheezing and dry heaving
Olive Garden tmrw.......... After the interview I'm just gonna sit down and start ordering everything like YuUP I look forward to getting to know yall over the course of this evening... Waiter.. that tablet you're taking my order on... Can I play with it?
Do you guys think that's a good idea!?!?!?!?
:3
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03/12/2024 02:33 AM
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Pillars / home (writing)
Current mood:
 gloomy
I'm leaving now
Please, drive a pillar into the ground so there is at least something to return to
For as long as I call it home,
Its roots will always call me back
Even if not all roads lead West,
the most important of them is one
One in which she could not pass -- darker than storm clouds,
blacker than a thousand nights,
but More alive than all living things, and full of anger.
The hope that did not come true
Remained a caustic muddy puddle in the desert of expectations
Time passed through our fingers like water,
leaving only scars and sand in dry cuts.
You're used to burying your face in empty palms: look what happened to them
The opportunities you missed
The words that had to be exchanged for the silence of a stone
which is now quietly drowning in your sleepy
grey harbour that anchors the end.
"if it's not about You, let it be broken on the inside
and crushed on the outside.
All I need to know is that you won't let me down or follow me into any bottom
with no hope of returning.
There are things that are better left unexplained
And there are rapids that won't turn you over. For those who left home so young, leaving notes in the windows
It will be easier to understand all of this. We're all crashing
and time is running out. The stone pillars are just crosses at our doorsteps.
What remains, is the desire to merge into the family we tore ourselves from... and under the soft leaves of November,
in these Godforsaken places,
remains the desire to become earth, and the wind that, in rage, tears apart the clouds
The tops of the trees torn to shreds."
As if she wants to return to her very youth
and relive those years
with teeth, claws
Sobbing so as to not let go of what will come off at the roots.
Hammering nails into your ears
so that at least now they will hear the sound of your heart.
Only words can remain, only memories can remain
And missed calls
mark the stories of mistakes in youth .
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02/28/2024 04:43 PM
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On handling the Silly emotion (this post is undecipherable)
Current mood:
 stressed
I'm beginning to think 1) I'm poor at doing this, 2) I am foolish for expressing myself. lol "beginning" IT'S been a while. I need to get hobbies, or employment, anything from this current lyfe of unending thoughts I endure ... .. . . .. Lol, I am not against vulnerability or honesty, however I will probably never partake in these again. LOol ok getting kinda incelly with it... NOT like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But there is a crushing embarrassment of having misunderstood a situation, assuming it to be shared, in reality it is one-sided. I'm fine and all is well, but I do feel this strange pit in my stomach/chest, and I think about it often. My silly emotion (crush) got the best of me guyz and I had too many thoughts, now I must experience the consequences. All is well I am good. We r ballin. I don't see myself having these feelings/thoughts again for a long while though. Not only am I suffering the embarrassment (normal feeling but still) but also I just don't think it is my thing. NOT ON PURPOSE this is nawt an incel rant guys AAAAAAAUUUUU((((( ... It was just sort of an exception and now I am back to the general rule (I just don't think I am interested in such.) I did my thing now I am chilling™
Surely every1 in the world has had this experience and in no way am I, like, super sad or shutting myself down, TRULY i am chilling, but I still feel like some sort of evil freak that was super weird and unusual for being upfront and silly.
This post makes no sense but it is about having a crush that you thought was shared but it is actually not and now you just process that and go on. I'm certain this is Normal. NOTHING IS EVEN WRONG i just think about it.
and ontop of this,
NEVERMIND i need to go to sleep right NEOW this is unnatural (03:8s)
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02/28/2024 04:30 PM
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testing
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