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Big ups to all of you... music family! Since I've last stopped by, your support pushed my debut EP release to #21 on beatport Top 100 Chart. With the track 'Good Life' leading the way to make its mark on the charts with the likes of David Guetta and cardi b. Feeling inspired I've dropped a few tracks for you on Soundcloud you can download for free at this link on Soundcloud. Cheers! https://soundcloud.com/janice-frisch 

I keep the photo of us at the beachon the top shelf of my bookshelf and mum has that photo of you on her wallso I guess we’re both hanging onto something long gone.she keeps telling me about the youthat bought her lemonade and walked her down the beachi’d like to imagine that that you still exists somewhere out therebut I don’t think I can,because I miss the days we smiled together,rather than one of us being absent,vacant.and I don’t think things will ever be the same again.I’m hurt,and you can’t feel.I’ve spent so long just trying to forget.

At hyggjandi sinniskylit maðr hrœsinn veraheldr gætinn at geðiþá er horskr ok þögullkømr heimisgarða tilsjaldan verðr viti vörumþví at óbrigðra vinfær maðr aldregien manvit mikitA man must not be boastfulin his mind,but wary in disposition;when he, wise and silent,comes to the homestead,misfortune rarely befalls the wary,because man can never have a more reliable guidethan great common sense.

hey guys, I exist, ummmm... so this is my first post, I'm stuck in English class and I honestly kinda want to throw myself out the window, y'know?

Life is cum and then you die

When I figure out how to use this site its over for yall

Ever since my uncle's death, a lot of stuff in my life has been uprooted. Lot's of old trauma and things to reflect on and it isnt fun. I have been having weird C-PTSD flashbacks for the past week. And when I go through these things I do not talk to people as much. The only person I stay in contact with is Tristan cause he's my boyfriend and he is a huge part of my life, and I never hide things from him. I've cut contact with a lot of close people for a while because I have been in such a weird limbo lately. I see my mother in a different light after my father sent me the last message she ever sent to him before she died ten years ago. She was calling my brother and I spoiled rotten and blaming my father for my misbehavior. And to be real that is perplexing. Cause a lot of my behavior was influenced by her isolating me from the family and also abandoning my brother and I without notice or contact whatsoever for years. I always heard she was a good person from everyone who knew her. But were they just saying those things to comfort me? I was just a child at the time. It looked like she was emotionally abusive to my father. I mean, she DID cheat on him with a 17 year old...I'm embarrassed to have half of her genetics in me. I almost became a carbon copy of her, but I caught myself before I dug myself too deep. I know my dad should have not showed me that screenshot. Im pretty sure that he had no one else to turn to and he is in a lot of pain right now. He misses and still loves my mother and is married to a narcissist. My dad seems to have a rough time finding decent women. And his flaw is that he is a little TOO loyal. I dont think he has any boundaries. Why is this 46 year old man coming to his 23 year old son for advice? He's a good man, but that only put me in a weird spot as well. I feel like everything I was told was a lie. Im trying so hard to recapture that feeling of youth again. I miss being a teenager sometimes. Not all the time though, let's leave out the puberty and abuse from my step mom. There was just something so weird about those years. I get such odd nostalgia even though those years were some of the worst in my life. I dont talk to anyone I went to high school with anymore. I havent been to my home town in over a year and I only went once last year. I dont talk to my family much other than my brother and my dad. Everyone is growing up. Everyone is getting old. And some days I feel like I havent aged at all since I was 14. Sometimes I dissociate to this weird zone where I feel like it's 2011 again. Like its a hot summer day and I am relaxing in my bedroom with the windows open, the foliage was a vibrant green, I would either be playing my piano, or blasting my music through my television for the entire neighborhood to hear just to piss them off. I would listen to music and draw all day. I was wearing royal bones Tripp skinny jeans, rubber wristband merch all the way up my arms, studded belts, fingerless gloves, leather jackets, bandanas tied in my belt loop, studded rocker boots, converse, colorful hair....I didnt have many friends. And despite being a scene kid I never really even fit in with the other scene/emo kids at my school. I was called creepy, spastic , weird...I was awkward. I wasnt necessarily bullied, everyone just avoided me. I honestly cant remember most of my high school teacher's names because I was dissociated most of the time. This was only five years ago and I forgot most of my high school experiences. The things that stood out to me the most was my internet escapades. My first online boyfriend, an FTM dude named Devin that lived in Georgia, and was three years older than me. He has a daughter now...I remember constantly checking my MySpace for notifications, hoping one of my favorite bands responded to my messages. I remember the whole 2012 sh*t. Or taking dumb quizzes and writing poetry on the now defunct website quizilla. Those really seemed to be the only good memories. Those and the concerts I went to. I went to my first concert at the age of 15, and I saw Falling In Reverse just after their "The Drug in Me Is You" album released. It was actually for my birthday not that I think back on it all. When I hear bands like Black Veil Brides, Escape the Fate, Falling in Reverse, Vampires Everywhere, Alesana, etc...I feel this strange emotion as if I was that young boy again. It's so hard to describe what that is like, especially to younger kids cause theyre not quite old enough to know exactly what I am talking about. Life changes so much when you're in you early 20's. Nothing is the same anymore. I remember borrowing my friend's phone or computer to talk to my online friends or watch band interviews all night. Or do my hair and makeup cause in the early years my parents were very reluctant on me dressing the style. I feel like my youth is just...dying. My mom and my uncle are both dead. This the realization that started it all. I dont know how to move on right now. I dont know what to do.

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I've been super busy with school and college applications and everything, but I'm hoping to be more active soon! :)

  I envy the underground. I think of them from  my morning coffee to my last blink before sleep.   their cold hands hold onto  the remains of their memories under their own  engraved cement.   even the warmth of  my morning toast frightens me - let alone the warmth in my body   when the sun rises,  I leave my jacket behind - on purpose this time, and hope that it rains today   and I wonder where the train stops, or is it like me? the train is full of warm bodies yet I ask myself if I’m the only one.  

Hey Guys! Life has been pretty chaotic lately. I can never seem to capture a break here and to be honest, there has only been very few times in my life I have had any sort of stability. There's always something.I guess I can start with the good stuff first. I went over to Tristan's house to spend Valentine's Day week with him. We celebrated of course. I still feel the same way towards him since day one and I don't plan on changing this anytime soon.  He is my best friend and we are a team. We plan on accommodating everything and communicating so our relationship stays strong and healthy for hopefully the rest of our lives. This celebration also encompassed our 8 month anniversary. He gave me his old laptop and showed me how to mod our favorite digital RPG 'The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim'. I have been having a blast with that since. I also cut, styled, and dyed Tristan's hair in a style inspired by Yo-ka of Visual Kei J-Rock band Diaura and Ryan Oliviera from Death in December. He loved it and I feel really proud of it. Here are the results below:

been a month since i updated this woweeuh basically i just feel like sh*t a lot ! don’t know why! kinda hate how i look all the time . i cut my hair and i just....shouldn’t have done that at all and i miss my long hairi just feel rly bad all the time idk i wanna thknk i’m getting better but i don’t think soi’m hoping 2 get a therapist sooner or l8teruh anywayi’m in a band nowwoofirst practice is tomorrow(today?) and i’m really nervousalso we’re playing a show the 10th of march and i don’t know how to feel abt it because it’s uh . let’s just say people will be sitting down and the vibe won’t be right cause we wanna do mcr covers . ughanywayi cant get over my stupid hair and how stupid it looks :(might sleep earlyry

this is probably just gonna be a rant, but i hate how stuck-up people can be about music.today one of my friends was saying how i cant really get into heavy music, which is pretty true. shes a metalhead, but ive never really gotten into metal. she said the heaviest i could get was falling in reverse (not quite true, but that was middle school), but the way she phrased it made it seem like i thought falling in reverse was a super metal band. for the record i know that especially compared to the bands my friend and her group listen to, they really aren't very metal, nor are they very heavy. i said so, but this one girl insisted on arguing with me about how she listens to way heavier bands and fir isn't heavy compared to them.im so tired of these constant arguments with people like this girl who insist that any music that is not the one they identify with is bad. to them, no pop is ever good, every band that has gone from pop punk to pop is horrible, and if its not heavy its not worth listening to.i dont know, i just really wanted to get this off my chest because i think about it so much. maybe im the poser i guess.

owchie a purple lying rat ate my toes now i am unable to walk hnnnnggghhhh