Hey Guys! 

Life has been pretty chaotic lately. I can never seem to capture a break here and to be honest, there has only been very few times in my life I have had any sort of stability. There's always something.

I guess I can start with the good stuff first. I went over to Tristan's house to spend Valentine's Day week with him. We celebrated of course. I still feel the same way towards him since day one and I don't plan on changing this anytime soon.  He is my best friend and we are a team. We plan on accommodating everything and communicating so our relationship stays strong and healthy for hopefully the rest of our lives. This celebration also encompassed our 8 month anniversary. He gave me his old laptop and showed me how to mod our favorite digital RPG 'The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim'. I have been having a blast with that since. I also cut, styled, and dyed Tristan's hair in a style inspired by Yo-ka of Visual Kei J-Rock band Diaura and Ryan Oliviera from Death in December. He loved it and I feel really proud of it. Here are the results below:

Last Saturday, we went out for dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant and closed the night off at Emo Nite LA in St Louis. There we got to meet and party with my buddy Austin who organizes and hosts the Midwest division for the event, William Beckett of The Academy Is... and Mason Musso from Metro Station. It was a great night watching these talented vocalists perform their hits songs of the 2000's. While that night was more pop-punk than emo, Tristan and I had a blast. It was his first ever Emo Nite and I hope the next one will be better. Next show is in June! 

But on the darker side of things, the same day I was doing Tristan's hair, I got the horrible news that my late mother's only sibling, my uncle Craig died in his sleep the night before. It hit our family pretty hard and brought up some unsolved trauma from my own mother's death ten years ago. It has been affecting my father more than anyone. He shared some stuff with me that he probably shouldn't have as his son. It was out of character for him but it definitely signified that he was in a lot of pain and I don't think he has anyone to go to so he can vent about these things. His current wife would flip her sh*t if she ever found out my dad still loves my mom even though she is dead. His wife is a raging narcissist. But at the same time I learned the darker side of my mother, as my father sent a screenshot of the last message she ever sent him before she died. Calling me and my brother spoiled and calling out our dad over it. But how does maternal neglect become the definition of a spoiled child? My mom seemed emotionally abusive towards my father before her death. Perhaps it was the skewed psychiatric state she was in since she was very suicidal. But I think it wasn't so much of being spoiled but a lack of structure and love given to us from her for so many years. I don't think she was prepared to feel the consequences of her actions and how it affected me and my brother. ESPECIALLY ME. It all raised many questions in regards to both my mother and my uncle. And I may request and autopsy report of my uncle from the medical examiner in his home county. I was a mess when I found out though, cause my mom's side of the family are all dying off. All I have left is my mom's cousin Mary Jo, but she lives in The Netherlands. 

Next month, Tristan and I plan on going to visit my family in Wisconsin. This will be his first time up there and there are so many things I want to show him during our short visit. I will be there for my nieces first birthday so he gets to meet my brother's family too. I hope to take him to see Lake Michigan for the first time ever and to show him the town I grew up in. It's all such a big part of my life and I cant wait to share all of my childhood memories with him. 

I guess that ties up the news for now. I will try to blog much more often. I've grown accustomed to the stream page but sometimes the character limit is just too low and I dont want to spam the hell out of the feed. Anyways, I hope everyone has a good night and I will log back in tomorrow!

~XxDespairFactionAshtonxX