10/01/2020 10:33 PM  going through it Current mood:  miserable man i feel like all i do is make my friends mad at me!!! this is the only website where they won't see me talk about them and that's rlly frustrating! i got into an argument with one of my friends bc she was talking about how she misses being on campus and i started talking about how yeah, im lonely too, and like. trying to comiserate with her. and she starts saying about how i do that too much!! and ive been trying to not do that because we've gone through this like three times!!! but like!!! is it anything at all?! is that too much for her?! any upsetness at all?!?!?!?! and then this morning i try to be sad with my other friend and he's like "i can't do this right now" and its like!!! i dont know i GET THAT ITS IMPORTANT to know your boundaries but itsl ike i dont know how to stop crossing peoples!!! i dont know what the boundary is!!! im just too much all the time i guess!!! and i feel like im not being too much because i only show these people a sliver of how upset i am! bc i only have like four people i can talk to when im upset and one of them is my MOM!!! i dont want to miserable!!! im trying so hard to not be miserable!!! and i think the worst part is like i know they're right because like i know it's important to set boundaries and you can't just take someone's pain all the time and i know that i'm too much it just sucks i dunno how to not be too much 0 Comments

08/10/2020 12:43 PM  bad day and its not even 1 pm Current mood:  miserable uurgh so i got up fiine and my class started out fiiine but everyone wrote these like, flowery things for the quick writers, and its like, i have no idea how they did that in 5 minutes? and like i barely got like two sentences down! and they werent even good! and then someone i felt like was kind of talking down to me and it was really frustrating... like just because i used the phrase "good person" in a quick example doesn't mean i don't understand how complicated that idea is, i just used it as a f***ing quick example!!!! like dude this isnt a philosophical discussion, this is an 8 minute group exercise on the first day of class. im not here for u to project some god complex onto me! and then, like, i had to go on a walk and do observations for class, which i thought would be really fun! so i go down this little forest path into this cool little empty parking lot, and it's kinda hot and there are a lot of bugss but its like hey thats nature! and then this old shirtless dude starts walking in my direction and so i leave and go somewhere else and im just starting to write good stuff agian when he shows up again! so i had to leave! and its not like i couldve called security bc idk he might NOT be a creepy old guy, he might just be a regular old guy, and idk if he was even following me bc he showed up from a different path than i took both times that he showed up. and like wtf what if hes just literally some guy! what if he works here and hes just on a break or smthn idk! idk why hed be shirtless but its hot outside and if ur working out it kinda makes sense i guess? idk maybe im just paranoid! so anyways i like get back to my dorm and i get inside and thats cool and all but THEN! my door wont open! and i tried like a billion times and it just wouldnt unlock! so i had to call security and there goes my one free lockout! and then! then! the contact tracing team calls me and they cant hear me bc my phone mic is broken!!! and it was super stressful and i started crying and it wasnt like super bad but i feel like such a friggin loser!!! they're gonna call me back at like 4:30 and i hope everything will be fine then... i wish i could go outside and talk bc my dorm is so noisy w/ the air conditioner and stuff and i dont wanna disturb my neighbor! itll probably be fine cuz i think the walls are kinda thick but im still like, not very happy at all. also the contact team asked to talk to my parents, but like, im in college? lol? im in a dorm? like what do u expect me to do lol i really hope the next zoom meeting goes better! ive been trying hard to remain positive but its really hard... today been so sh*tty. 0 Comments

08/09/2020 08:37 PM  class tmrrw Current mood:  nervous im starting my first real day college tmrrw n im rlly nervous! im vibing thoo! but im nervous! its all on zoom which kind of sucks :P im wanted to get some drawings done today but i never did anything!!! （>﹏<）there's also a zoom meeting tonight that ends at 10 but i just wanna sleeep! ill probably doodle during it tho (*・∀-)☆ 0 Comments

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