2 wish impossible things
Current mood:  disappointed

    It's so hard to feel like you deserve nice and beautiful things; that you deserve to be treated well and you deserve that soft tenderness that comes with requited love either from yourself or someone else. I think when you've been hurt or rejected so many times it's easy to think of yourself as something small and unworthy, so you end up with people that treat you like something disposable. They keep you around as the understudy to a real girlfriend, playing the part of a relationship while being kept at arms length, a partner in everything but name until they find the person they really wanted all along and then you're just cast aside. And it hurts, it hurts really bad, it hurts to know that the awful bad feelings you had about yourself, about never being good enough for anybody were reflected to you in someone you wanted. It makes you feel like things will always be this way, like the people you care about will never see you as you are but rather as some bootleg replacement for someone better, there to use and discard at their discretion.