blog post 09/03/23
Category: Blogging
Current mood:  accomplished

My room hasn't been completely cleaned in years and has gotten increasingly bad the past year or so. Without going into too much detail I ended up going to the psychward (not gonna get into this now) in February 2022. In March 2022 my senior cat, Eric, passed away. My parents had had him since before I was born so up until his death I had never lived a day without him. I took that pretty hard. Unfortuneatly, that same week my ex broke up with me. It was my first real breakup and my first love so it took a huge toll on me. This lead to my worst depressive episode which lasted for months. I also was really sick for three months, had a concussion and had to speed run grade 11 academic math in two weeks because my teacher basically thought I was skipping and that I was a hooligan??? ToT. So as you can imagine I didn't have time to clean my room and had honestly given up on it. This leads me to the point of making this post; It's finally getting done. 

I didn't want my mom going in my room to get rid of stuff because she has a bit of a track record of snooping. She's been threatening to go in and throw everything in the trash and I managed to stop her by telling her I was going to get it done on my own. But things have been building up and the other day I just broke down. I cried about how awful it is and how miserable it makes me feel. It's embaressing. My mom kind of triggered this by saying how bad my room had gotten. I said no matter how hard I tried it always got worse and I just gave up on myself. I told her I didn't want her to help me with my room because of the comments she has already made and what happened last time I asked her to help me with part of my room; and over all that I honestly didn't know what we'd find in here and how embaressing it is. She apologized and promised me it wouldn't be like that this time. 

Today we started on my room, I didn't do much other then sort some things and rinse bottles and cans that were in my room. I wasn't able to help with much anyway because of how weak I am from not being able to eat for the past 2 weeks :/. Yesterday my mom got all my laundry washed and dryed and today we got most of my floor done. There's still stuff on my floor but in behind and under all of my furniture is done so that's still impressive. I stripped my bed and I had my brother help me put the spare sheets on my bed. 

I still feel really sick but so far today I haven't had to take extra stomach medication. 
XOXO, gossip girl 
ps. look how cute depressed L is (,: