It's been over a month since my dad died
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  melancholy

Well it's been over a month. Dealing with the sudden shock of m,y father passing away right in front of me while I was visiting him in hospital. Having to notify family. All of us crying together and talking about the old times. Organising a funeral. Attending the funeral. Talking with family and friends about our favorite memories of him, about hard times he went through and overcame, about how he had been such a smart, witty and intelligent man all his life until he suddenly developed dementia overnight and became delusional, childlike and dependent and needed me for everything. How he deserved so much better than the hand life dealt him.

In addition to all the above I have had to deal with my difficult and demanding boss at work. My job with long hours and low pay plus more and more demands being put on me by my money grubbing boss. Coming home at the end of the long day and dad not being there. Depression, anxiety, frustration, anger. I have had a whole range of emotions to deal with and I have not enjoyed it. I hate feeling. I prefer to feel nothing.

I don't really believe in an afterlife, but I can't help but wonder. Maybe dad is in a better place. Maybe he is concious and happy, but I doubt it. Either way he is definately no longer suffering, and I take some comfort in that.