Gabber
Last Login:
May 30th, 2023
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Gender: Male
Status:
Single
Age: 43
Country: Australia
Signup Date:
February 10, 2017
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01/02/2023 05:36 PM
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It's 2023
I had two options for new years eve, the event I wanted to go and the event my friend wnated to go to. Against my better judgement I went with my friend. It wasn't terrible, but I still kind of wished I went to the other event. Piling into the city just to watch a few minutes of fireworks amongst a huge crowd is really overrated.
I don't know what this yeat will be like but I am hoping 2023 will be better than the last couple of years. Let's achieve something positive this year.
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12/17/2022 08:57 PM
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The year is nearly over, thank God
I am glad that 2022 is nearly over, it's not been a very good year.
There have been some positives, I went to a few events, saw some ggood movies, met some people and made some new friends. But this was all few and far between a lot of aggravation and frustration brought on by long hours at work, a demanding boss, various health problems plus constant grief from obsessively thinking about my dead loved ones and their individual declines leading up to their deaths.
What can I say, I am happy to leave 2022 behind.
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11/06/2022 04:06 PM
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Nostalgia
Current mood:
 nostalgic
I can't stop thinking about my own past.
Simpler times, happier times, days when I looked forward to the future, not realising I was living in a much more pleasant existence than my eventual future would turn out to be.
When responsibility was a much smaller thing in my life and fun and relaxation much more prevalent.
I didn't realise it, but I was living in the good old days, but now that life is over.
What is there to look forward to now?
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03/21/2022 05:03 PM
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Rejection hitting harder
There is a girl who works in the same building that the company I work for is located. She works for a different company though, I asked her out and she said yes. I was actually surprised as I really didnt expect her to, we exchanged numbers and I felt like I was on top of the world.
Later that night she texted me saying she had thought more about it and that she is not up for dating anybody at the moment as she is working on herself and her own mental health. I respect that. I understand that she is probably not attracted to me and/or doesn't want to risk getting involved with someone who works in the same place as her, as that could make things really awkward, especially if things don't work out well. I totally understand she has the right to change her mind and that she does not owe me anything, but damn, the disappointment really hit me harder than I ever would have expected.
I suppose it's because I havent really 'liked' someone in a long time now, and when she initially said yes, I got my hopes up only to have them crushed. I don't understand how this has caused me to feel so depressed, I am used to rejection, I have experienced it often! But for some reason I cant get her out of my head and I feel a huge sense of depression knowing that each day at work she is somewhere in the building but I wont be talking to her, as I absolutely do not want to pester her. A no is a no, I get it. I respect it. But this particular 'no' has hit me harder than many others I have experienced over my life.
Oh well, this is my problem and I will work through it as best as I can.
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02/05/2022 05:26 PM
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Making the same mistakes over and over
Current mood:
 blah
I can't believe the guy I work for. The business has huge staff turnover because nobody can stand him, his micromanaging, insane demands and horrible personality. Every time we get new staff, they leave after a few weeks or few months at the most and he says "I don't understand, why do they keep leaving". I try to tell him everything that he does that causes them to burn out and leave and he still thinks he is not the problem. It makes me laugh.
Life is strange.
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12/24/2021 05:17 PM
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Christmas Time
Current mood:
 awake
Well, its Christmas time.
This will be my frst Christmas without my father.
It's been a sad year, a year I am glad is coming to an end.
The last few years seem to have been marked by loss, sadness regret for what might have been.
None the less, I am not going to let this dampen my spirit, not yet anyway.
Merry Christmas everybody
Magickal Graphics
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08/23/2021 06:34 PM
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My review of Black Goat of the Hundred Acre Wood by James Pratt
It is a mythos story I bought off Amazon Kindle and at first glance the concept seems ridiculous, the Cthulhu Mythos crossed with Winnie the Pooh, not written as a parody or tongue in cheek either, it is dead-pan serious and very grave and somber, yet it is fantastic. The characters are never referred to by name, but by descriptions that make them instantly recognizable, i.e. the curious tiger, the yellow bear, the clever rabbit, etc. I presume this was done due to copywrite laws but that is only my speculation. Anyway, it starts off with the beloved children's characters planning a picnic for their friend 'the fair haired boy' when a mysterious storm rolls in and they find a mysterious trap door they never noticed before. The story sees appearances from creatures that were featured in Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath and the story itself is even mentioned by the characters. I really liked the story and recommend it to all mythos fans Some of my favorite snippets from the story to give you an idea of it; "The Little Yellow Bear knew for a fact that dragons were real, as were brownies and bunyips and boggarts, though he didn’t call them by those names. But nothing could have prepared them for this. It was as if the world they knew was a tapestry, slowly unraveling in preparation to become something new." "The dog-faced thing removed its hand and faded back into the darkness. The Little Yellow Bear crept out of his bedroll and started to follow before he remembered the Gentle Pig and began crawling toward his makeshift spear. Weapon in hand, he slowly circled the fire, giving him a better view of the serpent-thing. It looked like a small sea-monster, with a sinewy reptilian body and an earless, bullet-shaped head at the end of a serpentine neck. Folded tight against its body was a pair of membranous wings. Teeth and claws glistening slick with gore, it was too absorbed in its meal to notice the small, quiet form creeping up on it." "The Gentle Pig moaned. No, the Little Yellow Bear thought. Nothing could have lived through that. The Gentle Pig was practically in two pieces. Then he moaned again and the Little Yellow Bear was at his side. “Please,” the Gentle Pig begged, “please.” He’s going to ask me to kill him, the Little Yellow Bear thought. Not that. Anything but that" "An odd thought occurred to the Little Yellow Bear. The fog blotted out the world, not by obscuring it but by eating it up. It was a malignant tumor spreading across the universe, feasting on space and time even as it excreted a strange new reality in its wake. Whatever it was, the ancient and wicked thing had come with the storm had already claimed the Wood. Soon, nothing would be left of the Little Yellow Bear’s world, save for the Little Yellow Bear himself."
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08/20/2021 11:20 PM
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Grieving
Current mood:
 melancholy
I still miss my dad. It has been about 8 months since he died, and I think of him every day. I often still dream about him. Mostly I dream about him as he was at the end. When he was frail and confused and suffering from dementia and was completely dependent on me. This is not how I want to remember him. I want to remember him as the way he was for most of his life; intelligent, strong, self-sufficient and always with a solution to any problem that presented itself. Sometimes I will still dream of him as he was when he was younger and then I feel happy and think life has gone back to the way it used to be, but then when I wake up and realize it was just a dream the reality that he is gone just hits even harder. Still, I would rather dream of him than forget him, no matter how much sadness the dreams may evoke.
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