from my head to my middle finger, i think i really like you.
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  depressed

real cool. i'm having an episode again so. right now im off my meds so its really tough for me. (the doctors havent called us, it's been f***ing months.) 

i just wanna cry. crying helps, cutting helps, i dont know. 
ive been over a month clean but is that really something good? is it? im just gonna go right back to it. i feel so sick and dis-f***ing-gusted with myself and the sh*t i did and i miss so many toxic people, i need f***ing help im so tired of being so f***ing alone all the god-f***ing-damn time.

love is unbearable, never lasts for me, and just overall sucks in general. you fall head over heels with someone who doesn't like you a single f***ing bit. how do you feel? thats what i feel right now. i've felt that way since a while back. the first time i really fell in love with someone who f***ing degrades me everyday. who hurts me on purpose, who just, who is just someone i still love with all my heart, but someone who doesn't deserve it. i love too hard, i talk too much, i feel too hard, i feel too much, i hate this sh*t.

all i want IS SOMETHING LIKE THAT
ALL I WANT IS THE SAME FEELING I GOT WITH THEM
ALL I WANT IS THE SAME FEELING I GOT WITH HER
ALL I WANT IS THE SSAME F***ING FEELING I HAD WITH EITHER OF THEM. the two people who broke my heart for their own benefit.

i love you, still.
but should i?