 |
therapist (finale) (6/29/20)
talked to my therapist 2day. probably for the last time for a while. we talked about how i always need a number of people I'm talking to (like, a minimum or three people DMing me and 3 active servers) and she said to ponder that. I just want to fix my obsession with people remembering me (that likely stems from my mother and childhood bullies megakek) and not care. i want to fully embrace absurdism/egoism/positive nihilism and not care about anything but myself and my long term happiness.
but i care too much about how people view me. and i need lots of people adoring me, loving me, something that will never happen. I'm not memorable, or lovable, or adore-able. .... i just am. O made a hobby out of talking to people online, and i almost admire it. i want that. but i shouldn't have it, I'll get sick.
the therapist thing makes me feel horrid. i feel weak, pathetic, and like a needy attention-whore. i just feel bad. i always just feel bad, unless someone is talking to me.
I betrayed someone i really liked, and was snaked out by someone i called a friend. I don't know how to fix it so i ignore it. i cant just ignore it. i will talk to him and update later. f*** f*** f***ity f***. !!!!!!!! dinner now.
0 Comments
|
