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6/28/20
accidentally ghosting again lol. poor N. I feel bad but idk, I'm also just so tired. Currently have like ehh,, I want to say 5 unopened? basically:
B I haven't opened in like a month and he just messaged me again. I checked and then marked unread. It was after that breakdown and I left the AG, so it's one of those "I'm sorry you feel this way, let's talk more often :)". I really should respond as we're in the same servers, so he knows when I'm online (and has confronted me, politely, about ghosting him oops), but for some reason, I can't. I am pathetic and retarded yet I refuse to do anything about it. MEGA KEK AM I RIGHT?!
N probably a bunch of memes/vids. I'm just tired, even if I'm crushing. (unrelated but: I've heard if you're more mysterious your crush is more likely to be interested in you? idk if that's true, but I always am too interested in my crushes, and it turns them away from me lmao.)
K i checked and its memes. I'll reply eventually i promise i promise i promise. We didn't do our movie night yesterday (which i used as an excuse to get out of hanging with my mom, so now my mom thinks I'm lying to her) but i don't think he noticed lol.
G. I asked for an honest opinion of me then logged off, when I checked the next morning she had said nice things. I don't know how to respond. I kind of wanted her to tell me she thinks I'm stupid, hypocritical, a narcissist, etc etc? I don't know.
U is a co-mod for a thing with me, and we're working on setting up a Telegram server, but uhhhh I should do that now lol. I'm gonna do that. (update from twenty minutes later: I did it. He always makes me feel very embarrassed of myself, but in a way I like his brutal honesty. We're setting up a telegram chat (well, I am) and he's marketing it rn. Exciting but also a bit scary. I don't know what to think, and I'm kind of afraid its going to flop.)
i wonder if.... i wonder. f***. head empty no thoughts!
.....
I'm very worried for my friend F. Whenever she vents she gets talked over, and she says some pretty awful stuff. I haven't DM'd her because I don't know what to say. Does that make me sh*tty? I think a bit. I promised to watch SP with her, but I've been so busy with my new job and she's 9 hours ahead of me- idk. It's difficult.
Anyway, friends from camp are on our camp server. want to join but.... idk. idk what stops me. but something always stops me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQlTesaKJr4 this is nice. gets better the longer you listen.
cya x
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