family is so far from what i am
Current mood:  loved

so that was friends wise now lets goo to my family stuff
as a child i always had a close relationship with my uncle he was like the perfect man for me (nothing weird lmaoo) 
there's no trauma related to that i just wanted to give him some appreaciation cause he is the very best
I have no actual memory of my early childhood like until i was 6 
but my parents relationship has never been that good 
my dad used to abuse my mom, i somehow always knew it was wrong 
with my mom we are close but i still dont tell her everything that happens in my life, i would really like to have that kind of relationship but my mom is definetely bipolar.... she has times where she flips me off.... 
with my dad i never felt close, he was just my father. we never talked more than that until like 4 years ago. Our relationship grew and now we even have debates, he finally stopped his abuse after a visit from the police (that was traumatizinggg hihi) it definitely left marks in our family.
with my sister weve always been close so much love to her shes the only one that matters 
with my brother its like distant we are just related... not that close we wold rather be with other people ig 
i still love him a lot tho
With the rest of my family..(uncles,cousins) i am not close to them in groups i can talk openly but privately im just like not very social even with my family goddam
with my grandparents i had a very close relationship when i was younger but sadly they replaced me with my sister when i had my downfall... i dont blame them i also grew as a person
with my cousins my older cousins have never liked me...my oldest cousin was so beautiful i used to look up to her and like one day she looked at me dead in the eye and told me that i was ugly. we were never that close because i used to play by myself since i was an only child 
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahhahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahhahahhhahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahhaahha
my younger cousins are like my own babies theyre twins i love them.
and thats basically it... the rest of the family doesnt really even know me or cares..
xoxo
ps: little note to my aunt cause i lover her even if we arent that close its just my fault

yeah because i feel guilty for not feeling close to such close family 
i see them every week but i cant hold a long conversation because i feel like im not interesting to them (many triess failes)

so yeah does this mean anything idk but it definetely explains how open i can be to strangers since i have such a hard time opening up to people im supposed to be comfortable with