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01/20/2004 01:42 PM 

Current mood:  anxious

I am in fact, incredibly late on this. I know. Im currently in a class and remembered this site and how i never said happy new NEW YEAR!!! I hope everyones having a good time and the years treating you well, it's been a relatively crappy start for me with grades and family life but its getting there.If anyone sees this leave ur new years resolutions down please! mine are as follows:-Get enough money to afford a switch OLED and a couple games-get my grades up, like actually.-learn how to shade a lil better (i do digital art.)Thats all i wanted to say, have a good day/night everyone!  


01/19/2023 08:08 PM 

January 19th 2023

Today was okay, for the most part.  Work only consisted of moving an office into a new room and some small trivial tasks, so it was pretty calming. After work was when the storm hit. I got home a few minutes before my father but when he walked in, the news was dropped.   The building manager, our family friend, the woman I owed my job to, was terminated. Tomorrow is going to be a mess as, nobody knows what's going to happen. This is the first time in a long time of the building's history to have the manager fired instead of them stepping down. My father and I are scared for our jobs. If this new manager doesn't like the way things are now they could potentially have us both fired. After this news I went to DnD night with my lover. It was already planned ahead, and they couldn't really play without me, so I went. When the game finally started my lover's stepsiblings started fighting. The older brother pushed the younger brother into the counter, and it set his stepmother off. "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your f***ing hands off your sister!" "I'm going to f***ing hit you." Were among some of the things she said. I could feel the tears coming so I stepped outside for a bit. She reminds me so much of my own mother and it scared me. The older brother shoving around his little sister also scared me; my younger brother has choked me out to the point of having bruises on my neck. I got scared. My lover came outside and helped calm me down. During the process his father came outside. Apparently, the older brother pushed his younger sister down to the floor earlier and that's why his mom blew up. Needless to say, we didn't continue playing DnD. The incident made me think if I really do have trauma with my family. I've always said I have trauma, but I always feel bad for saying it because I always believed that I was faking it. Maybe I'm not.

diary, journal, life updates, family trauma

Dominic Anthony

01/19/2023 11:17 PM 

To Amy Dumas Lita The Straight River Ram Warrior

to amydumas  Poetry 2023 The dna strands of me is bigger than any band they're the past they're legacy maybe lets play patty cake with our handsDon't let romance affection be bland clear wrap your clap i hope love isnt a trap sort ofim not trapped inside this has been my life

Dominic Anthony

01/19/2023 11:14 PM 

Poetry by Dominic Engbersen Homan Did Friendproject blogs input caharacters get shorter???

to trishstratuscom Clear wrap the satisfaction rapping putting me on the twitter mapping unless they arent updating search tweets our love wasn't a trap I've had love want it again maybe a private marriage im on disability I had agility 2012 2013 2017 my house isn't a trap fapit DominicBLUTENGEL DARK HISTORY, TEIF DEEP DominicA4TS · 3m to amydumas Poetry 2023 The dna strands of me is bigger than any band they're the past they're legacy maybe lets play patty cake with our hands Don't let romance affection be bland clear wrap your clap i hope love isnt a trap sort of im not trapped inside this has been my life


01/18/2023 10:14 PM 

Current mood:  blessed

hello everyone!!!!! it's been another 5-6 months...LOL but I decided to log in today because I was worried that my acc would b gone. but I'm here!!!! so far I have a gf (WOOOO) & started college yesterday. everythin is cool. OH & I got promoted at work around october of last rlly has been a yr. hopefully I can come back often & report on my life or some sh*t. OH!!! also, I finally changed my room & it has this cyber theme. kinda like hatsune miku theme...idk if that makes sense..anyway, I have been lookin at miku figures jus cos & now I want 7 of them. I never rlly listen 2 her & only know a few songs...but she's cool & everyone loves her so why not buy her figures? THEYU';RE SO P[RETTY LIKE OMFG. I casn't wait to collect the figures I want. rn, the racing miku sepang ver. on mercari was bra. I was gonna buy it but the seller never msgd me back when I asked about the offers he was receiving from other ppl....everyone will die.ok that's what I have to say so far. I'm pretty sure I'm missin more stuff but that's all I can rhink of rn. I LOVE my gf (caps lock was on) oh & hello future me if u're readin this...I hope. I'm 20 rn....I'ma b sad readin this in 20 yrs like damn...I hope life is good by then. time rlly passes by & I hope I enjoy most of what I can. I hope I have a good job aka my passion & I own dogz & other petz w/ aj. idk if we're still together but I hope. if not, sorry future me. I hope u two r in good terms & best friends still. but for now...AJ IS MY GF!!! I hope I have a cool house w/ my design (& aj if she lives w/ me,,,I hope)I also got 2 know vee & danna thru the family gc & I hope in the future we're still friends. I HOPE WE GET 2 SEE THE WORLD CUP TOGETHER!!! we're gonna go 2 orlando this yr 2 meet up & have fun. I'm excited rlly. they're cool 2 hang out w/ & we created many funny memories on roro. okok. that's enough bc I have college work 2 do LOL. ok byeeee see u next time


01/18/2023 08:22 PM 

An aunt passed.
Current mood:  thoughtful

We lost an aunt today. The feelings are mixed


01/18/2023 06:42 PM 

January 18th 2023

I had a nightmare last night that almost made me cry.  I've since forgotten the details, but I remember that it was about my father.  He died, and all I was left with was his little newsboy cap he wears every day. I suppose that was my hint to today not being a good day. After waking up and coming to, I stepped on the scale and saw that I've lost five pounds in two days!  I knew that the way I achieved it wasn't healthy, I took laxatives without needing them the day before, yet I wanted the same results again, so I took some again this morning. Obviously, that wasn't a good idea. I felt fine until I clocked in; then my stomach started cannibalizing itself, at least that's what it felt like.  Today I was supposed to do my coworker's job since he had to be with the pest control guys.  I felt so bad this morning, as soon as I walked into the shop, I made a bee line for the bathroom.  I sat there for at least half an hour not able to make a bowel movement but in some of the worst pain I've ever been in. I was sweating so much I had sweat through my undershirt.  The pain was so bad that I ended up sitting straight with my arms on my head, that was until I fell back and nearly passed out.  After feeling a bit better, I got to work with the janitorial duties.  I went down to the janitor's office but then the pain hit again; at least this time I was able to poop.   After some more stomach pain I finally caved in and asked my supervisor if I could leave early to go to the doctor.  I really do think the only reason he let me leave was because of how long I worked last Friday. I knew what was wrong with me, it was clearly the laxatives, but I needed a doctor's note to be excused from work, so I went to a local twenty-four-hour clinic.   They believe that it might be some colon infection, but I really know what it is.  They made me take home a kit to collect four stool samples and to turn them into the local test lab as well as gave me medication to help solidify my bowel movements.  I'll put a picture of the kit below. After I got home, I went to the bathroom and just sat there with a bottle of water and sunflower seeds for a while.  During this time, I was scrolling on my phone out of boredom when I came across a listing on eBay of a doll that I've been looking for forever. It's an old porcelain doll that has one head with three faces.  It was made before baby dolls could close their eyes.  You would put a bonnet over the two faces you didn't want to show and if you wanted to change it, there would be a knob on the top of the head for you to turn the head around.  One face would usually be a neutral babydoll face, another a crying face, and the last a sleeping face.   The doll I ordered doesn't have any arms, but I find the doll more endearing that way.  Now I can make custom clothing for them when they arrive.  I'm very excited if you couldn't tell.  There will be a picture of the doll I ordered below.  If you're reading this, give me some name options for the sweetie! After a few hours of being home I collected the stool samples and turned them into the lab for testing.  Following that, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medications, and then Walmart to make a deposit at the bank. I'm not going to lie; I am not excited for work tomorrow.  I enjoyed having the day off but at least I won't have to play janitor tomorrow.

tw ed

lily ☆ flower

01/18/2023 01:11 PM 

History Fact Update
Current mood:  disappointed

Hey y'all, my history facts will not be daily, but twice a week. I'm kinda busy.


01/18/2023 08:37 AM 

Life stuff
Current mood:  weird

I'm gonna try to get used to writing actual life updates here instead of dreams only. I'll do both. I'm too aware that anyone can see this so I am hesitant to be completely open, however I highly doubt anyone will be reading this besides me. I still don't have my license because I have a large amount of autism and I'm scared. (That wasn't a joke) I'll be going to classes soon to finally learn how, and hopefully after that I will start my career in tattoo. Tattoo is probably a terrible choice for me because of the part where I'm gonna have to touch a bunch of people which is my least favorite activity but what other option is there as an artist? Probably a few but I'm kinda looking foward to being able to call myself a tattoo artist because how cool is that?As a hobby, I'm gonna join a band. I originally wanted to start a band but I'm afraid of confrontation, don't have the guts to kick someone out. But I've been sitting in my room doing nothing but art and guitar for almost a decade, and I'm dying to actually do something with it. I don't really desire to be around other people but I don't want to get old and be mad that I was never in a band. I mean, my mom is in a band. How can I let my mom be cooler than me. I'm joining a freakin band. I've been locked away in my room since I left public school in 9th grade and I'm just a bit spooked to start living normal life. I have forgotten how to do it.  I never knew how to do it in the first place, but now I have to be an adult on top of all of it. I think most of my generation feels like they're behind though so I'm not too scared for myself. I'll be alright. I've been drawing a lot so I can send mail to my childhood best friend. We used to live right next to eachother and would just walk down the road and stuff things in eachother's mailboxes so this will be fun for the both of us. I wish I could go back in time so much. I was watching hannah montana last night and I started freaking out about how long ago 2006 was. Time is terrifying. People always say it's not real but it definitely is. Also, Hannah montana is just as corny as I remember it being, but the aesthetic is unmatched. The outfits are wonderfully disgusting and I must recreate them. I've been slowly building up a hannah montana wardrobe for the last three years and I can't wait to scare the public by wearing a sequined scarf in the summer. Heres a dream I had: My legs were replaced with my brother's legs, and he's like a foot taller than me. So I had my body but these long scary man legs. Also, I had a giant growth on my back that was shaped like a cowboy hat. I was staring in the mirror at myself wondering why the hell I looked like that. Instead of freaking out and crying, I started doing the griddy. I woke up in a sweat.bye

dream, tattoo, weird,


01/18/2023 06:02 PM 


i feel like all the fun has just been sucked out of me like am still having hope for my friend on my birthday which iis not to far away just 2 days away but my mom's freind is being "protective" of her like saying i can't be around her all because of a card like she wants to use it and we did't let use it and we have to use it and let alone it doesn't work right now so she says i have to stay away i can't talk to her and am hoping that i can see my freind she is my only freind that i have like for real (tragic ik)but i feel tried i had plans and felt so excited but then that happend and said am a "bad influnece" on her just all the energy just left i hope to meet some people here that like to watch metalocalypse and crustbag and like to hang out and talk damn this just vsound like rambling now ugh well probably go now 


01/18/2023 12:30 AM 

Take Classes for It, Not Pills
Current mood:  apathetic

  my black corduroy jacket your backseat promise You say “it's not that serious”I’m on the edge of “I love you” we smell like cigarettes  but we don't smoke its second hand like my clothes like your heart You're puppeteering my thoughtsI thought this was “no strings attached”?"if i lie my way out of this,what are my chances - (of still needing you)?”If i could cover all my cornersKeep my defenses upI have my suspensions Id still claw back to you You'd say its "pathetic"but im hanging to the hopeyou'll come around to theidea of loving metell me that im stupidso i can know for sureplace your lips on minei need nothing moretell me that im stupid so i know for sure tell me that im stupid so i can know for sure place your hand in minei need nothing moretell me im stupid for the bottles on the floor!  


01/17/2023 05:38 PM 

January 17th 2023

Today was a pretty mediocre day to say the least.  Work wasn't hectic, my lover didn't come over, I didn't go to my lover's house, it was a slow day. Work started with replacing one of the phones in an office.  It's a pretty easy process; remove phone, put up new phone, take old phone back to shop, replace the broken pieces in the phone, check if it works, put on shelf when working. That's really all I did today at work.  Theo tried to chew me out for working so late last Friday but I didn't know that the company had a sixteen-hour policy on work hours.  Oh well, as long as they pay me what I'm due. When I got home, I had a few packages arrive.  One was an art piece that I bought on Esty, the other was from my aunt.  My Nana died back in twenty-twenty, she passed from covid two days before they made a vaccine. Anyways, the package contained one of my Nanan's rings.  I'm wearing it now as I type, I'll put a picture of it down below.   I received some feedback and suggestions on my demo, "Mother".  They told me that I should add some distorted screaming and that the piano kind of ruins the feeling that I'm going for.  I took part of their advice and added some screaming to it.  I didn't remove the piano simply because I like it, think it adds an eerie feeling rather than just a mental breakdown feeling.

diary, journal, life updates


01/17/2023 04:29 PM 

losing it
Current mood:  distressed

went back to school. its second semester and just found out ive been dropped from my classes and i missed the appeal deadline to be added back. im broke. my cars broke and i think this is getting close to my tipping point. idk gonna stay cool and speak with my advisor to see what i can since its the first week but GAH

rant, college, stressed


01/17/2023 10:45 PM 

Current mood:  angsty

i have a clown theme on my blog bcuz im a joke


01/17/2023 10:40 PM 

Current mood:  jubilant


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