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there's footprints in my yard. my mom seems a little disconcerted by this. the thing is, i do remember hearing voices outside late tuesday night. i didn't know they were outside my house, i just knew they were outside and i figured someone's just getting home or something. i didn't see anything. the voices, if i remember correctly, sounded a little older, like someone in the 17 - 20 something age range? im somewhat sure i remember the voices being male, but i think they had a girl with them too. i don't believe theyve been back, and it couldve just been some kids on a walk or something. i'll have to do something if they come back though, because i don't trust anything in this neighborhood and i really can't be cool with that. if i actually catch someone outside my house, i'll need to do something. i might end up getting in a fight, which is a thought that sort of. is not pleasant to me because of my less than desirable height???? and also the fact that i don't have any real weapons. idk this just makes me T_T i do have a hammer and a spare bottle, ill make do with that if need be, but man, idkkk

Dude, my meds have been making me rlly tired!!!! all the time!!! it's annoying honestly. I sleep p early but I wake up a lot ever since I've been on prozacI feel like a f8ckin8g zombie and its like bruh, bc im always HYPERRR and this sh*t just like ahahah noo

apologies ive been all absent and sh*t im back nowi found a CD at the pawn shop for 3 dollars (buckcherry - confessions) and got kind of excited but then almost submitted to urges to mutilate something when it turned out to be some of the worst sh*t that ive ever listened to. really disappointed but i guess i got my money's worthi also got a new clown! wait idk if ive talked about the clowns here yet. i like clowns, thats kind of my thing. ive cognized a penchant for collecting clown dolls. i have about 3 now, plus some other not particularly notable clown-related items. im wondering what to name this one. ive been going with an alliteration theme here, like, my first one was lester, then my second was lemmy... ive been thinking about naming the new one lux, because i like the name and also its sort of a reference to lux interior of the cramps, who is probably one of the closest things i have to an actual idol. idk though, i feel like that would be kind of really creepy. of course, its my project, and i have no obligation to continue with the theme- i just think it would probably be kind of cute if i did. also it doesnt need to be a guy, all clowns are pretty androgynous. should i post pix?thats all i have 4 now blegh

There's a guy in my neighborhood that runs a kind of thrift shop out of his front yard on weekends. I stopped by recently and got this killer centipede. 

Lately (like the last week or two), I`ve been in the mood to reread fifty shades of grey. But it seems I cant find  my copy anywhere. I guess I gotta tear through my room again.

i had a dream about robots last night. wouldnt it be f***ed up if robots with "sentience" were real and were peacefully assimilated and accepted into society but were literally just government wiretaps? i think that would be pretty crazy lol

wow i really went into this thinking i knew what i wanted to talk about LOL just forgotanyway im still hereim thinking about abandoning tunglr and just moving here or somewhere similar tumblr makes me huge f***ing zzz to be on its one of those sites where i feel like i literally cant find a clique i feel like i fit into ppl r liek ohhh you shouldnt be on it anyway because f***ing band member discourse or some dum sh*t like that nah theyre just annoying thats it reallyon tumbly i feel more like im entertaining an audience than making friends and im fine with having an audience but the audience is also like consisting entirely of drug test monkeys with knives and im wearing a gross wife beater exposing my hairy fat white man tummy and theres a dotted line directly over where my entrails should be and theyre eyeing it at all timesim over-dramatic i guess but itz kinda hard to keep e-relationships strong i dropped my main social media and im scavenging for somewhere i can stay the only contact i have with my friends is thru discord and some of them have like, my handle on some obscure clown fetish sites or something like thati do have a lot of friends irl i guess but they dont want to do the same sort of things that i feel comfy doing with my e-pals and ok i sound like Im Not Like Ohter Girls so im just gonna stop talkingaghghhg why does my anxiety have to ruin all the time i get to myself! i have this week off and i just want to get comf and have fun but i cant help but just fear for having to not be on vacation anymore its f***ed upidk thats abt it

you know i guess theres a point where you have to realize youre being f***ing stupid and you cant keep going thru life with these stupid dumb ass sh*thead ideas youve been carrying around like little mental tapeworms all up in this unpleasant female of a brainyou know me im always f***ing back and forth with myself my skulls like a steel cage and my brains like two methed up chimpanzees fighting for dominanceand ive realized thats bad and i should stopim just saying im gonna stop being f***ing stupid thats it really

my saccharine sweetness gives every tooth in your mouth a cavitybut that's just the way i like iti want you to know my affection but if this all you can offerthen i'm sold, sweetheartI think Mr. McCartney said it best"she thinks of him and so she dresses in black"not out of causality, but of simple coincidence quite simply, i think of youquite simply, i dress in blackquite simply, i love youand thanks about the hairi know it's pretty radicalabby x

Is it normal to want to make out with your friends? Cause like, if it’s not- hahahahaha, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just don’t want to get my heart broken. :,)

im pretty bored and i dont know whats interesting about me that like, happens in my life but i am pretty fond of these features theyre cute sexyi saw two deer in my yard the other day, like right outside my window so thats coolis this site run by catholics? not judging just curious

someone: are you hungry right now?me: nothem: *throws away the food i was planning on eating later*why is god cruel to me

so is this like facebook except less corporate information collect-y and centric on scene teens?i don't know whats happening how do i use this site 8(

     I did not sleep good last night. I couldn't sleep in and then when I tried to keep sleeping, I just couldn't sleep anymore. My boyfriend is currently taking a nap. I tried to take a nap with him, but yet again, I could not fall back asleep so f*** it! I'm going to go to my parents house after he wakes up and get those American Girl Doll books. I want to get some food too while I'm at it. We have like no food in the house right now. It really sucks ass. I am so hungry!        So I woke up this morning and checked my bank account to see if I had enough money for food and discovered that I have a random 100$ in my bank account. What the f***? How did that happen? It wasn't there a few days ago and I am not currently working....maybe one of my taxes came back? I have no idea but it's a blessing because I could really use that money right now. I just ran out of money a few days ago and I really needed more. I don't know yet what I am gong to use it for though. I mean defiantly stuff that I need. I've been wanting to get some books now though too.        I ended up getting those books from my parents house. I don't think that I got all of them though. I really want to go to the dollar tree and get more books. I have a whole bookshelf full of books, but I love to read. I can never have too many books. Books make me feel happy. I love to escape from reality into these awesome stories people write. Some books are better than others, but I will pretty much read anything. I won't read fiction books though. I don't like reading stuff that have facts and information in them. I tend to loose interest in books like that are informational. I would rather read a made up story than a text book. Depending on the story though, I will read books if they are true stories, but I only don't like them if they are in text book form. If it's a story that is based off of a real one, then that is different. I f***ing love reading books. When I am done reading a book I send it my moms way in case she want's to read the book or add it to her books for children in her class to read. Some of the books I give her she can't put in her classroom because they are inappropriate for children of that age, but a lot of the books that I choose to read, are books that are directed at younger ages. I like reading children chapter books because they are super easy reads and they are innocent stories. I really don't like reading books that involve sex or anything like that. When I was in middle school I liked to read books like that because I was curious about sex and was a virgin at the time, so back then I liked the dirty detailed sh*t. Now that I've had sex a million times, it's not as interesting to me anymore. Sex isn't that great. I mean it's great, but it's not THAT great. I mean, I could live without it for several months no problem. My sex drive isn't what it used to be. I like innocent stories and easy reads so children's chapter books are great books for me to read. I've been reading the American Girl Doll books recently. They are super easy reads and cute little stories about the dolls. I grew up with those dolls. My grandma used to work at American Girl so she won all these dolls by working there. I have a sh*t tone of them. I went online to see how much a doll costed and it was really expensive. She doesn't want me touching any of them yet. I understand that though. They are collectors items. They will be worth a lot of money in the future if they are not messed with. I messed with them a little bit back in the day, but that was a long time ago. They are all pretty much in good condition. The only ones that aren't are the ones that I had growing up which was Kit, Josefina, and bitty baby. I played with them a lot so their hair isn't all that great. I don't know why the use horse hair instead of just using real human hair. They might as well use real human hair for how expensive they are. Some of the dolls I have seen online sell for like 300$! That is a lot of money just for a doll. Esp a doll that's hair will get all ratty when it is played with a lot. Now that I am older, I really don't care for the dolls much. I mainly just care about the books on them. They all come with a book about them and explaining their life and their heritage. It's pretty interesting. Josefina is a Hispanic girl from mexico from many many years ago. Her story is rather interesting. I have the whole series on her, Kit, and Samantha. The other girls I only have the first book. That's ok though. I have so many American Girl books that it will keep me busy for awhile. I have 3 of the Hop Scotch girls too but I could only find the one book. I don't know what I did with the other 2 books. I wish I knew where they were or I would have grabbed them but I couldn't find them and I didn't want to mess up the basement. My mom would have gotten mad at me.       I've been drinking a lot lately. I was planning on getting sh*t faced tonight, but then I changed my mind. I just ain't really feeling it tonight. I just want to sit down and read my books. I love to get drunk, but I like to read even more. Sometimes I will drink and read at the same time, but the only problem with that is if I drink too much, I won't remember what I had just read. That has never happened to me before but still. I know when to cut myself off now. I really don't like getting hangovers so I only drink to a certain point. I drink to the point that I am super drunk, but not so drunk I will be hung over the next day. Being hung over sucks ass! I hate being hung over like that. As you get older you get more and more hung over. Its f***ing stupid but its true. 

What a beautiful collections of used cards I've become.The piles of hand written notes consume my mind constantly.Every waking hour is spent meticulously grieving over your hand.The words I heard you say, were not words of a lover, but a former one. and I remember our first night, out in the cold, full of life. full of love. now we're full of something else.