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maggie went for a walk this morning. they had a good time, but they went a little too hard so they were super tired and their lungs hurt(apparently when maggies lungs have to work super hard she does that like wheezy noise). maggie took a really nice picture:) later we played some random games together. it was fun, but we didnt play for too long cus the games were kinda lame after a little. after that, we talked about the sandman show, and who we thought would make good cast members. they had some really good ideas(Unlike me lol) then we talked about out(mostly my) diets, and healthiness. and maggies teeth :))there were protesters and sh*t a little ways from their house last night. ngl i was a lil worried. then we were gonna play cod but they fell asleep lol 

(listening to: Shadow Moses by Bring Me The Horizon)Still waiting on election results (like everyone else) but my dad has been threatening suicide if Trump doesn't win. I know he's not being serious (he does sound very broken and dead inside every time I've talked to him though, so that's suspicious) but it's still frustrating to hear him walk around talking about how "there's no point in living" if Biden wins. He threatened suicide again when my mom came home for her lunch break and she asked if she needed to call someone. He said "no, whatever I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do no matter who you call." I don't think my mom believes him (I don't really either) but she still told me to get ready to leave in case anything bad happened. I think she's worried he may try to hurt us too.(listening to: It Never Ends by Bring Me The Horizon)I've been listening to a lot of BMTH today. It makes me feel like I did in 7th/8th grade. I was so miserable in those grades, but I feel a strange sense of tranquility remembering it. It makes me feel like I did at the end of 8th grade, when it was almost summer, where I thought I'd finally figured things out enough for them to get better. I also remember being completely depressed and suicidal in 7th grade, specifically during the winter. Why do I have some strange nostalgia for both of those times? Once where I was feeling the worst depression I'd experienced thus far and once where I was happy, but probably experiencing the first bout of early hypomania. I've been at my grandmother's for a few hours and I feel like I can't fully relax here. I feel like I did in 9th grade when my mom and I were staying here for a few months (to get away from my dad once again), where I could be mostly calm staying here, but couldn't fully relax because it didn't feel like home. I would rather focus on the present than stay trapped in feelings of the past, but the present is so painful that my mind is giving me nostalgia that I shouldn't have.(listening to: Crucify Me by Bring Me The Horizon)I don't want to go back home until my mom is home from work. But I don't think she wants to go home either, so she'll probably be here at my grandmother's soon and stay here for a few hours. If my dad's going to keep being weird, I don't think she wants me home alone with him. I hope to the god I don't believe in that he goes into work tomorrow. He's been home from work for two days now and it only gets more tense the longer he's there. I hope he never finds out that my mom and I voted for Biden, we'd never hear the end of it from him.Anyway, I think I need to stop listening to BMTH for now. Not because I'm not enjoying the music (I love it) but I don't want to keep thinking about the past. I don't want to keep thinking about the present either, though, so I better find something to occupy myself with. I'd love to go hang out with my grandmother, but she has a friend over and I feel kinda weird spending time with her friends, like I'm not supposed to be here.Fingers crossed Biden wins, even if it means my dad is going to get worse.

ig; motelhottietwitter; motelhottietumblr; m0telh0ttie☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠

feeling ninja AF

Life sucks and then you die.I always knew this, but lately I'm feeling it more than ever. I am busy juggling long hours, low pay, demanding customers, a sh*tty work environment, and a boss from hell. Why do I stay? I don't know. I guess because I;m afraid.I'm afraid of going through the whole sh*tty job search process, starting again from the bottom, possibly ending up somewhere worse than where I am now, or not being able to find anything and ending up on the streets.The fear of what could happen if I leave is what keeps me from telling the boss to take his job and shove it up his ass.It would bad enough in ordinary times, but with this whole Covid pandemic still going, I think it would be reckless to quit now.I think I just need to hang on until 2021 and see how things look from there.

Man, it's annoying and upsetting when you have a nosey person going through your stuff, esoecially your text messages!!!!!! Come on momma, I'm 21! PLEASE STOP GOING THROUGH MY PHONE AND READING EVERYTHING :(

holaa gente :D

maggie was busy today, like usual on mondays recently. we talked for a little while while they were waiting for their mom so they could go shopping. we didnt really talk til like 4:30, and we talked for like 2 hours and i helped maggie look for stuff for their delirium cosplay. i did my best:) and they liked some of the stuff i picked out! that made me really happy. we talked about anime and stuff for a little. maggies rewatching attack on titan rn. we talked for a bit after they ate, and then once they got home at like 10:30 we hung out, talked about anime a little more, and then we played cod. we switched and started playing random games after a bit and that was ok. they passed out before we could play though lol

           Guess who tf got COVID-19. ME BITCHES, can't smell or taste a THING, and I feel like absolute ass. Anyways since i'm quarantined I decided to start posting here. Now I know this entire website is probably dead AS F***, but I think it would be genuienly cool to make friends on here so umm lemme know if you wanna be friends ^-^.       Now to the regularly scheduled teen angst, but teen angst from me is oddly political... before I ramble anymore WEAR A F***ING MASK. The amount of people of ALL ages I saw go out this last weekend without a mask on is terrifying. There are SOOO many ways you can incorporate masks into your halloween costumes, plus you had ALL year to realize that so um, don't be a dumbass just wear a goddamn mask. I didn't even get to have a proper halloween because I got covid last sunday. Ugh. I had to sit in bed watching horror movies all day, which don't get me wrong, totally a blast for me, but I had premade plans so it sucked that I couldn't participate :/ But once again PEOPLE ARE DYING BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO WEAR A MASK.                         Have a non-melacholic day unless you don't wear a mask ♥                                                                                       love, Jacq 

f*** yall lol

Hey world! Its me again, coming at you with a pretty uneventful day. Whatever, atleast i get to just talk about whatever i want now teehee :D. Im sitting at my desk rn, just vibing on this beautiful Tuesday morning, listening to Mother Mother my literal saviour. I stg this music makes me feel some type of WAY, man.Anyway like i said im my last post, i have been making a lot of friends at school that are pretty relavent in social status. These two girls came over to my house for Halloween on Saturday and theyre like my best friends now so thats awesome! But there was a lot of sh*t going on that night. So there's this one girl, at my school named Olivia. And girl, she is like the it girl of the freshman class, its nuts. She has this bleached blonde hair, and this model-like figure. And when i say everything i mean EVERYTHING she owns is pink. like dead ass. Like okay Legally BLonde, we love the vibes. And we arent really friends, but we are friendLY. She actually complimented my jeans the other day, i felt super confident lmfao. Anyway she threw this MASSIVE party on Halloween, and i decided to not go and just hang with my other friends (by which i mean i wasnt invited dont judge i was already sad OKAY) . But my one friend that came over actually stopped by the party before coming over, and she left cuz it was getting way to crazy. And then-.......oh gosh......Mr. Loverman just came on my playlist....lemme go cry real quick. Okay im good now! anyway yeah like it was nuts. She was saying that therer was ike a bunch of kids like makiing out, and they were all doing weed, and she said she was pretty sure the punch bowl was spiked. ming you, this is the FRESHMAN CLASS LIKE- ugh anyway, yeah. And like im honestly not suprised. Olivia is known for skipping class to sell weed in the bathrooms sooo 0-o.Anyway i have to do like a sh*t load of homework today, cuz i have school tomorrow and i cant do it on my day off on Thursday cuz one of my friends invited me to go thrift shopping with her!!! So yeah, signing off for now, ill post again if anything nuts happens.cya never!- Hanna ♥ 

Dear Diary,Today I was a total fatass since my parents are out of state I came home to commandeer their house and gods I've never felt fuller. I really should do more on my days off but I always end up gaming and watching shows (Dawson's Creek is on Netflix now btw.) Thinking about going for another IT job but also I really don't want to stop smoking just yet because I haven't felt happier in years. Pretty sure *********** got fired from work, wouldn't be shocked. Also, definitely not dealing with political stuff this year, seems like every year it gets worse. Thinking about going to a nature trail sometime soon and doing some Tarot readings if it's nice enough out. Side note, dreading Native American Suffering Day because for the first time, the rest of my family will see me as a woman and I can just see how that'll go. Who knows, maybe they'll ignore me.

hey hey it has been a while now hasnt it? lots of crazy things happening in life tbh. i dont think i could tell you all of it, as much as i would like to i am afraid this post would be a bible length long. Halloween was ok. it is my favorite holiday :) i am very excited for cold weather. it doesnt get very cold down here in texas very often but when it does i love it. i cannot believe it is november already. ya girl needs a job but i am so terrified of driving and working. it is so scary and drives me insane to think about it. i feel quite pathetic about that but yikes dood do i hate the thought of getting out into the real world.i have found myself really lonely lately :/ it is kinda sad. being single is nice but it gets old very veryfast. i need someone here who will love me unconditionally, even though i am a deeply flawed empty shell of a girl. someone real, not the ones i imagine in my brain. someone here. ugh, this is begining to sound a lil sad so i will end it here. i hope you all have been well ♥ stay safe

hiii i dont blog a lot but i think i might start xp im rlly nervous abt tomorrow since it's election day and if the lesser of two evils doesn't win then idk whats gonna happen :( but i'm trying 2 keep my calm and focus on other things. those other things being getting paidddd. yeah i opened a depop and a lot of ppl want my old prep clothes? v confused but oh well lol i've made like 30 bucks so i'm not judging lolll. therewas a lot of stress last night bcuz i forgot to link my bank account to my paypal so i couldn't get the labels butttt i got them so i'm sending them out tomorrow. i wanna buy some cd's or records or maybe band merch idk lol. im also gonna learn 2 drive soon which i'm vvv excited abt. it would make things like. ten times more easy. plus i could drive 2 my friends house more often and study with ppl or stuff. i'm soooo tired but i might watch jennifers body b4 i fall asleep. i need 2 catch up on my school work too im SRSLY lacking its crazy. ily guyz sm :)

Dear blog, I know I haven't written in a while, truth be told, I got bored with this site but im back on. Someone may or may not see this post.I don't know,i'll see if I want to make it private or not when I'm done typing. I've been feeling kinda dead inside. Like full on experiecing depression.This is because I recently lost my mom and It's the worst lost I've ever had to deal with. Why? Well of course shes my mom but I had been living with her for the past two years and I got more close to her than I ever have before. Yes I lived with her before (You know like she helped raised me). Living with her as a adult was different than living with her as a kid. I can't really explain why but I got Closer to her the last two years since I moved back in with her. Anyways, This had a big impact on me and i'm fighting everyday to mke myself feel better but it's hard... It's only been a little over a week so I don't know,maybe i'll get better in time. Hopefully.