alzheimer's.

So, my 90-ish year old grandma has Alzheimer’s. She’s broken her leg multiple times and keeps forgetting that her leg is in shambles, which leads to her damaging it further. When I talked to her on the phone the other day, she asked me how the weather was a total of four times in seven minutes. I’d tell her then she’d almost immediately forget. I was trying not to cry the whole time. Last night my mom was talking to my dad about how my grandma is aware that she’s forgetting things and that she’s very unusually aggressive. I think she was crying.
My biggest fear is that happening to me. I hate the thought of forgetting everything and losing myself. What’s worse is the little moments of awareness, a clear sky peeking through the suffocating clouds only to be hidden once again. It's terrifying, knowing full well that you're quite literally losing your mind. This is why I want to die young. Sure, it’ll be tragic, but at least I’ll still be me.