My struggles with connection

I used to always be a daddy's girl when I was little. I loved my dad so much and felt such a strong connection to his paternal nature. Later in life, my mental illness took me down.. i guess you could say "the wrong path". My addictions and rebellious nature put a strain on our relationship for sure.. But now. I'm a newly graduated 18 year old who can't stand her father. His actions are always political (they always have been I just couldn't realize it). He is mysoginistic, inherently racist, and a raging alcoholic. Sometimes I wish I was still wearing the rose colored glasses of ignorance and still saw him as my hero. I wish he was the first person I could go to when i'm sad. I wish there was some kind of healthy relationship between us. I know he loves me and I love him, I just hope I never end up like him. I trust no one these days.. especially him.