2018
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  melancholy

so it seems i finally have somewhere i can truly write where i feel, about wtvr the fck i want (: i know journaling is a thing, i did that while i was in a psych ward. 3 journals full! anyway, i have this aching feeling of missing the year 2018, not because of the global pandemic or simpler times.. cause they weren't. but because i did whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. and i had so much pain that i really didnt care who it would affect. nothing stood in the way of me trying to find happiness. i had all the fun in the f***ing world :/ and then i got bakeracted. and i spent an entire summer in and out of that hoe. shortly after one of my last times in the psych ward, i got admitted to a long-term hospital. i spent 7 months in there, and when i got out, it was like i completely lost my life, the person i was. some of that is for the better. bc like i said, i didnt care about anybody's feelings. i've learned to be better. but i don't remember the last time i felt so free. so happy. feeling like i was really living. i hate that. i lost all my friends that i ever had in those times, minus like one. getting drunk is the only thing that makes me feel anything close to that freedom/happiness. i hope i find that again someday.