FriendProject.net

sKILL MEthod is an experimental music project by yours truly.Genre: Experimental, noise, drone, ambient. A few tracks use MIDI.sKILL MEthod can be found on Facebook.sKILL MEthodBandcamp.https://skillmethod.bandcamp.com/Soundcloud.https://soundcloud.com/skill-method/tracksAnd Youtube.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USikujMpY0o&list=PL1CsECV-3jHDZlBjxs5cY-XnW_q1lLUX5

For some reason I'm stuck on song names for blog post subjects. Okie. So anyway, today hasn't been anything special. Trying to hunt down an interweb side hustle lol. It's actually a pretty slow moving day, and I'm thankful for it. Getting a new bunny today, so that's good. The rescue is basically full at this point so it's time to either expand or start advertising so I can get some of these animals into good homes. I hate advertising though, because then I get more folks I have to properly vet and vetting sometimes takes forever. I also end up with influx of more animals and when I have no more space that's a problem. Also it requires talking to people, and I suck at that. Oui.Too many people around the last few days for me to dive into more indepth things that I want to write about. It puts me in a mood. Things to do. Animals and children to feed. Maybe later tonight. See ya

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I don't think I ever imagined that I would be quoting Blink 182 via blog, while speaking of life in my thirties. My early twenties maybe, but I'm definitely not 22 anymore, although nobody likes me now either. Okay, ran that joke into the ground.Weekends at work don't suck too bad, theres multiple people to talk sh*t to, and for some reason when certain coworkers work with me, we get into discussions about our existential crises. It still sorta unnerves me, because these are people that I don't even get to hang out with outside of work usually, but yet it's comforting because it's people that I thought had things together much more than they actually do. eh. Anyway. That's about it, until I get home from the local wrestling show I'm about to attend. I don't think I've actually watched wrestling since the early 2000's lol Go figure. aloha.

I write to relieve stress. Sometimes I write constantly. There isn't an empty scrap of paper to be found anywhere in sight. There sometimes is fifty different projects open on my laptop that I have started, but not finished. I'll start on one story, and end up side routed and diverting my attention to a minute detail of the story, so much that I realize it's a story in and of itself that I have to re-write as a standalone. Usually half way through, it's gone. Most recently it seems most of my writing focuses on trauma processing. I've used writing so long to escape reality that now I'm using it to process unwelcome parts of reality that my mind has a hard time dealing with. In all honesty, it's kind of a nifty concept to grasp for me. No, I'm not going to go into specific detail of the trauma I'm dealing with, for now. One day I'm sure I'll spill gut and come out with all the gory details that have made me the .... individual.... that I am, but right now I'm going to give the very shorthand version.I'm in my thirties. I have four kids. I suffer from PTSD, BPD, and Bipolar. These things aside, I've mellowed in my old age. I used to go on these wild adventures, before the therapy, and the medication. I  absolutely detested the medication, so here I am, non medicated for the last eight years, and actually doing... somewhat well, for me anyway. I work a full time job, oftentimes working two jobs plus whatever side hustles I can get my hands on. I raise my children, one of which has autism and another has diabetes. One of my kids is actually my step daughter, so occasionally there's a little drama with that, but generally not so much. My husband is actually my second husband, He's a few years younger than me, but is definitely my fp, although I split on him occasionally (google bpd splitting, because I don't have the spoons to explain that tonight.... and now that I think about it, I don't think I have the spoons to explain what I mean by 'Spoons' tonight either. ) I've survived my own brain this long, which is oftentimes a nightmare in and of itself, but I've also survived domestic abuse, both physical and emotional. I've survived being poor for... well basically my entire life, and survived child abuse, abandonment, and neglect. I'm not going to pretend that this is going to be some sort of inspiration porn, it's not. It's probably going to be absolutely and downright depressing on a fairly regular basis.I'm not really even expecting anyone to read it. I might make a few connections to people of interest here, but who knows. Unfortunately it's time for me to crash out, Work in the morning. Adios 

Okay, So I'm part of a  ridiculous f***ton of groups on Facebook. One of them is this group called 'It's 2005 and this is cool as hell' . Someone mentioned this site there, and I decided to check it out. Not a huge issue, not a big story or anything weird. Then my brain hit this weird time warp and I went and checked my old myspace.So. Many. Pictures.  Pictures of my children as babies, except I was off myspace before my son was born. Pictures of my siblings, God I missed those pictures. Then there it was. Pictures of my abuser. I can't go back to my myspace, although I'm sure I could probably create another one. But the format is like 120% different then when I originally was super active there.I can't share things on Facebook, My family would be less than enthused to read what I have to say about... well...... anything. So... yeah. I'm fairly certain I will be keeping this mainly for the blogging aspect. Seems legit. Probably going to go delete actual photographs of myself though. Seems the safest way to keep myself half-assed anon. Yep. Toodles. 

yothis weekend is my yearly pilgrimage to my local anime convention aaa. Well it's a general nerd convention but over the years it's become very anime orientated. It's Armageddon expo in Wellington. I'm super excited. This year I'll be wearing a mahou kei outfit, as mahou kei is my favorite jfashion style. It literally just means "dressing like a magical girl" whichis what I strive to always do :'DI'm hoping to get some good merch but I'm also gonna be meeting up with some friends which is super cool. I'm just super excited. I'm gonna be packing my bag tomorrow so that on Saturday I'm all ready to leave.Maybe I should use this blog more often. It's nice to just blab on about stuff and I'm sure my twitter followers would much appreciate that I did it here and not in horribly unorganized, fragmented twitter threads :')oki well that's me for the momentRATTO-CHAN OUT*static*

Hello there buddies. I'm back with an actual blog post now and not just get-to-know-me questions. There's nothing going on at work. I'm just listening to the radio and reading one of Richard Ayoade's books. I'm feeling very odd, like I might cry. Which is weird because I woke up feeling pretty decent. I might just be PMSing. Or just having a mood swing. That's not out of the ordinary. I've got about an hour before I go home. I think it'll go quickly. Yesterday I felt like absolute crap physically. My punk ass pain condition decided to really let me have it (I'm in the process of weening off a medication that my body grew to rely on). I was not feeling confident that it would get any better, but when I woke up this morning I was pleased to discover that it had. Nothing too major, but slight improvements. However, just the diseases presence causes me anxiety. Knowing that at any moment it could spring up and attack me makes me never able to fully relax. Within the last hour or so I've started feeling a burning sensation on my face, particularly around my eyes. This has happened before. But it immediately started upsetting me. The more I panic the worse it gets, but I don't know how to just fully let go and chill. Guess I have to start practicing. Not having control of something is not something I generally like. This is just a problem I've always had. But I really need to start working on it. I need to convince myself that not knowing what's going to happen is not bad. Not everything unknown is dangerous. Ugh, I'm just getting more nervous as the time goes on. I think I'm gonna stop here. I'm sorry. I just don't wanna keep talking at the moment.

63 Annoying Questions Survey 1. Song that always makes you sad? Pieces of You by Epik High. Also, When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne and Desert Island Questionnaire by Conor Oberst. 2. Last thing you bought? With my own money, gas haha3. Last person you argued with? My brother4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on? Ew no why 5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? Panda-E!6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd? Lol nope, never was my thing7. Favorite day of the week? I'm gonna be basic and say Friday8. Favorite Sundae topping? Peanut Butter!9. Did you take Piano lessons? Yup, as a young child10. Most frequent song played? Oh god I dunno lemme check Spotify, please hold. Okay so looks like it's either Choke by IDKHBTFM or Dig Up Her Bones by the Misfits11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? House Hunters, hehe12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Hockey all the way13. Date someone older or younger? I always dated people who were older14. One place you could travel right now? I'd go to the mountains, I miss it up there. 15. Do you use umbrellas? Sometimes! If I remember one haha 16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? Not at all haha 17. Favorite Cheese? Good ol' Vermont sharp cheddar 18. The Smith's or the Cure? Ooh that's rough, it really depends what mood I'm in. I like both bands, but I possibly like The Cure just a tad bit more19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? No preference really20. Best job you ever had? I'd say it was my first job working at a grocery store when I was 16. I made so many friends there and had so many great times21. did you go to your high school prom? Yeah, and it was alright, but I liked going to the beach and getting drunk afterwards with my buddies much more haha22. perfect time to wake up? Like 9:30am23. perfect time to go to bed? 10:30-11:00pm24. do you use your queen right away in chess? Not usually25. Ever been in a car accident? Only once, we didn't get hurt but the car was totaled 26. closer to mom or dad...or neither? I'm close to both of them equally, but in very different ways.27. what age is this exciting life over for you? The excitement is never over, friend.28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? 80's probably29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? Oh god this is hard... I had these bright red sandals for a while that I loved. My current favorite shoes are my red Chelsea boots.30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? Oh yeah, many. I didn't grow much 31. Were you in track and field? Lol oh no way 32. Were you ever in a school talent show? Yes, in junior high and I played flute 33. Have you ever written in a library book? I'm sure I have at some point34. Allergic to? Just one thing in the entire world, and for some strange reason I'm allergic to guinea pigs35. Favorite fruit? Apples36. Have you watched sex and the city? Nope, never really had any interest37. Baseball hat or toque? Toques more often38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? Shampoo first 39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? You gotta wet it!40. Pen or pencil? Pen41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Gambling ain't my thing but I've been to casinos 42. Have you thrown up on a plane? No, thank god43. Have you thrown up in a car? When I was very young 44. Have you thrown up at work? Nope45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Haha sometimes!46. Who was your first prom date? Junior prom with my boyfriend at the time47. Who was your first roommate? This girl who probably now hates my guts lmao48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Oh god I can't remember49. What was your first job? At a grocery store!50. What was your first car? A Jeep 51. When did you go to your first funeral? Oh I dunno maybe I was like 852. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 1853. Who was your first grade teacher? I won't say his name but he was a very nice guy54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Jamaica 55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never did56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? This girl Melissa, and we still keep in touch!57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? In a dorm at my first college, a nine hour drive away from home58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Probably my boyfriend59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Hasn't happened yet!60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Pee probably haha61. What was the first concert you attended? Aaron Carter baybeeeeee62. First tattoo or piercing? First piercing were my ears when I was younger and first tattoo I got when I was 18 and it's on my ribs63. First celebrity crush? Aaron Carter lol

(this is gonna be in normal txt bc I don't have the energy to type how I normally do)Okay so time to make the internet my diaryI turned down my friend's invitation, and I feel really sh*tty.Like really sh*tty.The thing is, they weren't upset and said it was fine. I know they asked as a friend, but it felt kinda weird, y'know? Like if my best friend of 6 years would ask me, I'd say sure. But the thing is, I have major trust issues. I'm only just now, after six years, close to fully trusting my best friend. Someone I've been with from 4th grade to (current) freshmen year. This friend and I have only known each other for around a year. Another reason I declined was because I used to have a major crush on them, but it died down because I realized it would be unhappy due to the age gap. (They're a senior, 18, I'm a freshman, 14.). It just didn't feel right, and I feel like they would enjoy themselves better with someone more so in their age range/maturity level.I feel so bad for declining though. Like sick to your stomach, almost wanna cry, wanting to sleep so I don't wallow in feeling miserable, kinda guilt. I care about this friend a lot and I'm so upset at the possibility that I may have hurt them. I'm just so upset, I don't know what to do. And it doesn't help that everyone is making me feel bad about my decision.. Hell, even my mom has. "This is their last year!" and "When I was a freshman I dated a senior.", "You should have thought about it!!". The way they asked was their friend came over and was like "Go to prom with [name]". Not in a blunt way, just saying what my friend couldn't. I feel so bad, like I've let them and everyone else down.And another thing is that I'm always sad because I don't have a partner. I know they asked me out just as a friend, but I've always had the suspicion they might've had a crush on me, due to their own issues. But here I am, declining because of age/maturity levels. I feel so bad for letting them all down, not just my friend. F***.This sucks.

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i'm supposed to be in 7th grade... but i got held back in 5th grade so i had to repeat so that's how i'm in 6th grade. i love memes as you guys know. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and my trajectory throughout it. I have discovered that there are four life lessons I have (finally) learned. They are the most prolific discoveries I have ever made. And, I have begun to put them into practice. A. No response is a response. (Stop chasing/seeking attention/approval) B. Stop worrying about what other people think/say. (No more fretting about people who have no impact on my daily life) C. People are free to make their own choices. However, they are not free of the consequences of those choices. (Make one's own bed and one must lie in it) I am not responsible for their actions or the results of their actions. D. Don't look backwards. You're not going that way. (Stop living in the past. It cannot be changed. Live in the present and look to the future).

***Updated Dec 19 2019 to fix the dead TinyPic screenshots (RIP TinyPic ) and address issues when trying to run it on Windows 10.***Yo, if you don't know what AIM Phoenix is, it's a private AIM server. Works with the original AIM software, you just have to configure it to connect to the private server rather than AOL's dead ones.Check it out, make an account and drop your screen names! I wanna make a FriendProject chatroom! Mine's XxTrashDemonxX.Here's how to connect to the Phoenix server!1. Make an account on the AIM Phoenix website.2. Go to the AIM Phoenix Downloads page and download/install a version of AIM.I personally prefer 5.9 because I've had no issues with it across every OS I've tried (XP, 7 and 10 so far). However, the website says that 5.1 works best with the server. 5.1 seems to cause Windows 10 computers to lock up and crash, though, and 5.9 hasn't done that for me yet, even on Windows 10. So yeah try out different versions and see which one works out best for ya. But I prefer 5.9 for maximum 2000s nostalgia plus Windows 10 seems to like it.3. After install/download is finished, open AIM.  4. At the login screen, click "Setup."5. Go to the "Sign On/Off" category if it's not already selected and click "Connection"5. Change the Host to iwarg.ddns.net and the Port to 5190 (if it's not already that).5. Press "OK", and then "OK" again on the Setup screen.6. Log into your account and you're ready to go! :)**Windows 10 issues!**As you may see in the older comments on this post, running AIM on Windows 10 might cause it to freeze up, lock up, and/or crash. In my original version of this post, I told everyone to download version 5.1 of the AIM client, and that particular version seems to cause these things. The issue seems to come from trying to run old software on a new version of Windows. Running it in compatibility mode *might* fix the issue, but I can't say for certain. The Phoenix site also has an AIM Tamer program that may or may not help, but it didn't help for me.So instead, I'd just recommend getting 5.9. My screenshots were taken on a Windows 10 PC with 5.9 and everything worked smoothly. One of my friends said 5.0 works on Windows 10 too but you'll just have to take my word for it. You can mess around with various versions if you want  to see which work and which don't. But I can guarantee that any crashing/freezing/locking up is NOT caused by viruses or malware. These are official AIM clients that are exactly as AOL offered them back in the day.

who will win? moto moto or big chungus? send me your thoughts about who will win