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01/02/2018 05:43 PM 

I Miss You (poem)

You stayed over on New Year's Eve.It was really reassuring for me to wake up next to you, to feel your warmth emanating from the sheets, to feel warm breath on my neck as the sun came through the curtains.I get anxious when you leave the room to go the toilet. I get anxious when I can't see you in a room of people. I get anxious when you're more than an arm's reach from me.Imagine how I react every time you leave.I can't control it.I can't stop it.I miss you.I miss your lips on my forehead,I miss your hand holding mine,I miss your voice in my ear, whispering:telling me that it's going to be okay, that I'm going to get through it.I miss your arms- it seems cold without them.I miss your eyes, stars reflected in your irises, shining hazel just for me.I miss your freckles, stippled too closely to call them constellations, rather a galaxy of specks on your skin.I miss your laugh, warm and deep. I miss your jokes and how you repeat them until they're not funny anymore.And I can't distract myself, because when I try and think of something nice all that comes to mind is youAnd so I think of you- your skin, your lips, those scars that you promised me never to renew-It's Tuesday, and I miss you.

poem, poetry, sad


12/24/2017 07:06 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #4
Current mood:  angsty

1. A Decade Under the Influence- Taking Back Sunday2.  Back and to the Left- Texas is the Reason3. Stay Gone- The Get Up Kids4. 137- Brand New5. If I Could- Mineral6.  In Love With The Sound- The Saddest Landscape7. I'll Catch You- The Get Up Kids8. Never Meant- American Football9. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw10. I'm a Pepsi Guy- Everyone Everywhere

emo, emocore, playlist, emo


12/23/2017 06:38 PM 

”revenge”- a poem
Current mood:  used

my bloodgoes blackwhen you speakmy tongue shakes my hands shakemy eyes blinkendlessly.this smileis heart is seton revenge.


12/23/2017 05:04 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #3
Current mood:  blah

1. Sink Into Me- Taking Back Sunday2.  Aquasun- Basement3. Dont Wait- Dashboard Confessional4. This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)- Taking Back Sunday5. Money- Embrace6. The Leaving Song- AFI7. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw8. Silver and Cold- AFI9. Stood A Chance- Taking Back Sunday10. Invalid Litter Dept.- At the Drive In(There was a lot of TBS in this playlist wow)

emo, emocore, playlist, music


12/22/2017 10:54 PM 

Faltered (Poem)
Current mood:  numb

I'm crumblingMy life is just an illusion of my own sick perceptionI can try to convince myself I am altruisticDeception...No matter how many times I am one, I will never truly believe itI am a monsterI am the image of what I hate the mostPredatory eyes stare back piercing my soulBlack like charcoalBut this time they're in my reflectionI am the object of subjection, no protectionMisdirection of articulate misconceptionsPatronizing, demonizing, terrorizing obsessionTo kill my sensesForce me into regressionKill the fear, kill the atmospherePlease just let me dissapearThe dark (He) calls my namePlease just let me go\In this moment of animosityChaos leads to disdainLet me drown in my own curiostyTake me to where I belong...

poem, emo, abuse, narcissism, narcissistic, sociopath, psychopath, fear, trauma


12/22/2017 08:19 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #2
Current mood:  crappy

1. Holiday-The Get Up Kids2. Green Couch- Blowout3. The Shaking of Leaves- Into It. Over It.4. Dancing Through Sunday- AFI5. Forever Got Shorter- Braid6. Why Did We Ever Meet?- The Promise Ring7. F*** Your Emotional Bullsh*t- Snowing8. I Can Be Afraid of Everything- The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die9. Set Phasers to Stun- Taking Back Sunday10. The Leaving Song- AFI

Emo, Emocore, Playlist, Music


12/21/2017 06:24 PM 

Puzzles are great games have begun.Have fun, everyone who attempts.It is completely possible.


12/21/2017 10:07 PM 

Idk I had a good day
Current mood:  happy

I had a good day today and I just wanted to share it I guess ^~^After school finished I went to Greggs with my friends (their soup is AMAZING) and my friend got me a new potted plant for Christmas!! we went back to my house to play Wii and my boyfriend was there which was nice :3 We all played Wii together and I won the game! I just feel really happy and sleepy and aghh :3 How's everyone else's days been??


12/21/2017 02:37 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist
Current mood:  angsty

Seven- Sunny Day Real Estatei'm back sleeping, or f***ing, or something- Moss IconAction & Action- The Get Up KidsGirl's Not Grey- AFINew Blood- Their/They're/ThereSame Shade as Concrete- Circle Takes the SquareA Praise Chorus- Jimmy Eat WorldA Jack With One Eye- Texas is the ReasonSomething That Matters-Merchant ShipsI'm Afraid of Everything- Braid

Emo, emocore, myspace, playlist, music


12/20/2017 09:29 PM 

My Top Ten AFI Songs
Current mood:  accomplished

Hello all! And welcome to my first ever blog on this new version of old school Myspace! Today, I will be discussing my top ten personal favorites from one of my most favorite bands: AFI (A Fire Inside). Now let's give a little background of my experiences with this band. I first heard AFI directly after the release of their sixth studio album DECEMBERUNDERGROUND, which landed on alternative charts that year (2006). The song I was exposed to was called 'Miss Murder', which was featured on one of the Guitar Hero games. My father burned a CD with a majority of the songs featured on the game and Miss Murder happened to be one of my favorites. I didn't really delve too much into AFI until I was around 15 years old. That winter was the first time I every listened to DECEMBERUNDERGROUND fully and learned to appreciate their music. Since then my love for AFI only grew so much more. I absolutely adore both the punk and emo days of AFI as well as the more gothy alternative stuff they have been releasing now. So anyways, here is my list counting down from 10 to 1! I hope you enjoy!10. Totalimmortal                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeIn the earlier days of AFI, their songs were had much more punk undertones. They were deemed by many as the horror punk kings of the 90's post-hardcore scene. What I love most about this song is the build up during the pre-chorus when Davey shouts "THIS RAGE, I CANNOT LET GO!". Then the music just slams into a mosh fueled sense of euphoria. And the live videos of this particular song makes AFI a must see band.9. Snow Cats                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeThis was the first single released from their newest self-titled album, also nicknamed "The Blood Album". When I first heard this after the weeks of teasing new music, I was instantly in love. It was much like a throwback to DECEMBERUNDERGROUND's sound. The lyrics are beautiful, and of course the way the instruments are played, their music still continues to pull on many heart strings.8. The Lost Souls                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code"Look what you've done to me now! You've made me perfect!" This song is another one of those that really makes me want to get up and thrash. The intro to the song instantly pulls me in. I am a sucker for bass and drums. This song is definitely more gripped onto the punk roots the band is so well known for. Another song I just cant pass up.7. God Called in Sick Today                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeI am a total sucker for poetry. And this song is straight up one of the most powerful written I have ever heard by AFI. It really focuses on the darker tones of humanity. It is said by many this is the deepest AFI song ever written. I also play this on guitar quite often.6.  A Deep Slow Panic                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeI cant get over how f***ing awesome the instrumentals are in this album. It definitely has more of a goth rock vibe to it. The lyrics, yet again, are absolutely incredible and Davey's singing has evolved in a very good way. This is the only song on this list from the Burials album, but I was so driven to learn this song on guitar as well. A job very well done!!!5. ...but home is nowhere                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeHave you ever felt like that you just don't belong anywhere no matter where you were in the world? I went through that a lot, and I still feel like I don't belong. That I am just forgettable. I used to sit alone and sing along in tears to this song. This song spoke to me, from the intense emotional lyrics down to the symphonic choir that underlined this song. It helped me through a lot and even without the personal experiences, this song still holds up as so beautiful. This is the song that connected Sing the Sorrow with their next album DECEMBERUNDERGROUND. 3. The Days of the Phoenix                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeThis song all together is a masterpiece, I just had to include it in this list. This was a direct transition here from when the band went from their hardcore sound to emo. And many older fans HATED this song. It sparked a lot of controversy on the music scene. I myself love it and the meaning of the song reminds me of personal experiences. 2. Fall Children                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeReason 1 I like this song: Its so f***ing punk. Reason 2 I like this song: Davey pulls a "Danzig" shout in this song. Reason 3 I like this song, I am a fall child. Reason 4 I like this song: Its a Halloween song. Reason 5 I like this song: THE HARMONIZING IN THE BRIDGE. Need I say more? 1. A Single Second                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeRemember when I said I was a total sucker for bass and drums? Well that's exactly why I fell in love this song in the first place. I also adore Hunter's screaming of "memories dull my senses" during the chorus. You can just feel all of the intense emotion in this song. And they got Tiger Army to help perform this song live with them. How f***ing sweet is that?? This song is clearly from their punk days. I also heavily relate to these lyrics. Its my go to for AFI every single time.Honorable Mentions: This Time Imperfect, Endlessly She Said, Paper Airplanes, Bleed Black, I Hope You Suffer, Summer Shudder, The Boy Who Destroyed the World, I Wanna Get A Mohwak, The Leaving Song, Kiss and Control, Third Season.This list was so unbelievably hard to make. I had to pick and choose from so many of my favorites that this list actually made me feel a little pressured. Tell me, what's your favorite AFI song and why? Thanks for reading! I really hope the embed links worked.

AFI, A fire inside, Davey Havok, Jade Puget, Adam Carson, Hunter Burgan, emo, emocore, punk, horror punk, hardcore


12/19/2017 12:52 PM 

New Jobs Suck
Current mood:  intimidated

My coworker is unreasonably aggressive with me for no reason. Yesterday was my first day at my second job, and this chick expected me to do everything almost perfectly with no direction. Just because I had experience at a previous location does NOT mean I know how to work that specific position. ...I start my second day today at 4. Until then I am gonna try to take it easy, maybe binge listen to DECEMBERUNDERGROUND since I do that every year in December.

AFI, emo, a fire inside, Davey havok, jade Puget, adam carson, hunter Burgan, decemberunderground, on the arrow


12/16/2017 05:34 PM 

Self Loathing

The person in the mirror is a stranger to your eyes.Flittering from scene to scene, your clothes are your disguise.Every time you take a swing, it's always been a miss.Don't know what you were meant to be, but know it wasn't this.No one knows quite who you are, and you don't know at all.The dreams you chased have passed you by, your life is at a stall.Strip away your music, job, and strip away your clothing.And all that you have left is more confusion and self loathing.


12/15/2017 12:01 PM 

Sunglasses at Night - A Short Science Fiction Story

Hello? Can anyone hear me? I've been trying to call back home for God knows how long, I don't even know what year it is anymore. For anyone that can hear me, I need you to listen. I need you to listen and record what I am saying. You may not believe me and what you're about to hear, but what you are listening to right now needs to be heard and told to the right people if it isn't heard by them.             My name is Corey, Corey Sweet. The last time I was here on this earth was the summer of 1988. I was in a band with three other people: Lexi, the singer and the girl of my dreams that I could never seem to get, Doug, our bassist and my best friend since grade school, and Joe, the drummer and our technical guy. I'll fully say that we were the best - Lexi could hit those high notes and I could shred the guitar better than Eddie Van Halen, but I digress. We had just finished a show in some small town in the Midwest; biggest show we had yet, about twenty people showed up. Didn't know if they liked our music or not, but hey, at least they paid the money for tickets to see us. After the show, we decided we should travel north to see if we could get a gig in another town sort of close to the one we played in, and so we packed up and went on the road to our possible next show. But if only I knew what would happen.             The drive was actually much longer than we thought; we must have gotten duped with the map we purchased. We drove for about an hour with not much happening, just Doug talking about how many girls he hopes to see at the show and Joe's mixtape playing in the cassette deck, with Sunglasses at Night coming out of the cheap speakers the car came equipped with. Joe always said he liked playing that song around me because he couldn't recall a time when I haven't been wearing my aviators. Eventually, we reached some dead-end gas station on the side of the road. Doug went out to fill up the gas tank, while Joe ran in to the store to get an ICEE or something. That left me in the car alone with Lexi, free to talk about whatever we wanted. Naturally, I tried to flirt with her, and why wouldn't I - she was the prettiest girl I knew, even if she had quite the temperamental personality.             "So, after our next show, what do 'ya wanna do? I'd like to make a pretty lady like you happy, after all...", I ended up saying. I always tried to compliment her at every opportunity, even if she didn't really appreciate it. "Something, but if we do, I hope you don't try and hit on me the entire time," she replied. "For the record, I'm an independent woman, and I'm not one to easily fall for bad boys like you." I just brushed off that whole thing, bluntly saying "Alright, whatever, Shoulder-Pads." She always got really offended by that nickname, and it was the funniest thing seeing her get all pouty when I said it. She turned away for a few seconds all angry while I smoked a cigarette. She turned back to me and said, "Well, aren't you something of an independent man yourself? I mean, you're seventeen and you're far away from home playing with us, wouldn't that count as independent?" I thought, shoot, why does she have to always come up with smart-aleck replies like that? I threw the cigarette out the window and just shot back a simple "Yeah, I guess so." I couldn't really refute what she said.             She gave a satisfied smirk, put her feet up on the wheel, leaned back and chuckled. "Yeah, I had a feeling you'd be willing to say that," she remarked. I just sighed and looked outside the window. Doug finished with the gas, and hopped back inside, saying "Hey, guys, what'cha talkin' about?" Lexi looked back at him, saying "Aw, nothin', he was just flirtin' with me again." I looked over at Lexi and said "Yeah, and making fun of me for being on my own." Doug just laughed while she shouted at me for a bit. Lexi turned back to him and said "Hey, weren't you the one that convinced him to drop out in the first place?" Doug thought about it for a second, then just replied "Oh, yeah, I was... I forget exactly why he wanted to though, aside from being in the band. Didn't you have one of those 'flower-power' moms, Corey?" I just shrugged and said "Well, yeah, I guess you could describe her like that..." Lexi looked at me, puzzled, and asked if that was really the only reason I ran away with the band.             I had to think about it for a bit - why was I so insistent on being away from Mom? I mean, yeah, she was a total hippie, but for a while I knew that she had loved me with all her heart, if deep down. As I grew older, though, I noticed she started to get way stricter with her rules. Maybe it was suppressed anger with Reagan being president, I'm not really sure, but she grew more and more at odds with what I valued in life. On the same day that I left with the band, we had a huge argument over me being around them, saying that all that metal music was rotting my brain and that I had become too free-spirited or something. On that day, she seemed to have lost all feelings of raising her child, and were replaced with feelings of raising her perfect child. At that moment, she looked like she had completely lost her mind. So what did I do? I just turned around, walked out the door, convinced Lexi to let me go on tour with them... and that was it. I never spoke to Mom after that.             "Yeah, that's the only reason, she was just stupidly strict. I'm totally fine being away from that crazy ol' woman," was all I replied. I wish I hadn't, considering what I just described. We eventually saw Joe come back, with four ICEEs all cobbled together in his hands. I opened the car door as he was walking, ready to take one. He ended up tripping over something, I still don't even know what, and ended up spilling all four of them over my Def Leppard T-shirt. To this day, I still wear that same T-shirt, ICEE stains and all, because over the course of the next few hours... it happened.             After a few more hours of driving, day eventually turned to night. Like the one before it, it initially started off with not much happening. But eventually, we noticed that the road seemed to be much, much longer than we had anticipated. We must have gotten lost, because there weren't even any signs or anything where we were driving. After asking Lexi if she even knew what she was doing, I looked out the window. I saw what looked like a star brighter than any others. After looking for a bit, I noticed it was getting larger, and as it did all of us noticed a low rumbling noise that continually got louder, to the point where it started to get deafening. Before I could even say anything, I noticed it was not getting bigger, but actually moving at blazing fast speeds towards us.             Right before I was about to yell to Lexi, we saw this bright light flash right past us with an ear-destroying noise akin to an explosion. Our entire car almost tipped over from shaking so much. The phone lines near us broke, with one toppling over and landing right behind the car. Lexi screamed in fear, Doug froze up, and Joe started quietly crying. His mixtape had gotten messed up in the process, slowing down and constantly repeating the phrase "west end girls". We saw that thing slowly descend right in front of our car, crawling to a gentle hover above the ground. It looked almost like a gigantic egg, although it looked like it had circular windows on top of it. A door on the front, which I didn't even see at first, slowly ascended.             To this day, I still can't describe the creatures that inhabit the inside. They almost look like they have the heads of dogs or rabbits with human-like bodies. They even have bright white fur covering them, much like a dog or rabbit would. Their eyes, however, are something else entirely - they're empty black voids that almost look flat on their heads. They extend upwards like vertical lines, and they always blink slowly and asymmetrically. They can speak, as I've discovered, but how I've still to figure out, as they have no visible mouths. And one of these things was right there, in front of us, staring quizzically at our car.             At that time, I was just as scared as everyone else, but I had the feeling I could take these things on. How, or why, I don't know, but I wasn't going to let these aliens attack my friends. I grabbed my guitar - my black Gibson SG with a yellow cross design on the front - stepped outside, and held it by the fret board like a bat, ready to beat the hell out of these freaks. I inched ever closer, waiting to strike, while the alien looked down at me ever so slowly. We made eye contact for just a moment, with it looking like it was staring right into my soul. While it was really only for a second, it felt like an eternity looking at each other, with this animal of God's creation sending back a completely unreadable emotion.             Suddenly, I saw it push against a button on the inside of the ship with lightning reaction time, and heard a loud metallic clang from inside of it. A hatch opened up on the top of it, and out of it came this large metal claw, constantly opening and closing. It snapped towards me, grabbing me by the waist, with its grip not loosening as I tried to wrestle free. Suddenly, it pulled me towards the ship, with me getting nauseous from how fast it was moving. I was flung upside-down as it straightened out, ready to pull me inside. It shot downwards, pulling me into a vast black void of a room, with my head hitting against the side of the ship violently as it did so. It dropped me to the floor of the room, and the door on the top shut. This was the last time I ever saw Earth.             What happened in my time on the ship, I can't even begin to describe. Any possible words to describe what I've seen, what I've done, and what they've done, are completely lost on me. Even if I can't describe anything that happened, I can say that what did happen has forever fractured my understanding of reality. I don't know what is going on anymore. The only tangible thing I can describe is this - after many otherworldly experiences, I eventually found a chance to explore around the ship. After waiting for the creature to leave their control room, I have tried almost every single button in the room, hoping at least one of them can contact back home. This is my tenth attempt, and I pray to God this is the right one.             If anyone can hear this right now, please, someone relay the message to everyone I mentioned. If any of them do hear this; Lexi, I'm sorry for trying to flirt with you all the time. Doug, I'm sorry about forcing you to be the bassist. Joe, I'm sorry for yelling at you after every single time you did something minutely wrong. And Mom... oh, God, Mom... I'm so, so, sorry about the fight. I'm sorry about all the terrible things I said to you. I'm sorry for never calling you. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for everything. If you ever hear this, please... I want you to forgive me for all that I did.             I love you, Mom.

science fiction, sci-fi, 80's, short story, story

Sansa Stark

12/03/2017 11:50 PM 

Sunday, December 3, 2017
Current mood:  grateful

With the first few days out of the way and entering onto the new year, one can only look down at the floor completely dumb-founded at the things that have to have happened this year and where the damned time went.Amazing things happened for me this year. Things that I will never take for granted and things that have given me a new outlook in life.Changes await. I am in my late 20's but I am learning something I feel like I knew all along but I am just now beginning to understand - and that is that I will never stop growing, expanding my life with lessons and journeys and situations will happen every single day until I die.I don't want to go into detail because I COULD sit here, all morning and ramble. I believe in the theory that it takes 21 days to build a habit, and I also believe that it takes another 21 more to keep it... and another 21 to continue it. I feel like new year's resolutions are great because they signify that we accept our human flaws and we intend to work on them. Consciousness in the human persona is a wonderful (sometimes painful) trait to have and practice. This year has been so great and I've been improving (in some areas, others need help). I want to end this year on a good mental and physical stance. I have goals that I would like to achieve throughout the year and I will begin to instill those habits in order to reach my goals now. It's the least I could do to end the year with the gratitude I have for everything that I achieved and received this year.If I don't log on for a few weeks, have a safe holiday season - don't eat too much and you'll be off to a great start in 2018!Be good, be careful, be kind.

holidays, holiday season, new years resolutions, nyr, 2017, 2018, grateful, happy new year


11/22/2017 01:27 PM 

Why I'm alive...

The only reason I'm here today,Is because of my sleep.Because instead of dying only once in realityI get to die a million times in my dreams.

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