FriendProject.net

(Transferred to a blog post from a bulletin I posted a few weeks ago.)Granted, I've only been on this website for a few days, but this being basically a clone of old MySpace, I'm happy to see that it's becoming a hub for nostalgic emos like myself who want to revive the spirit of the mid-2000's. But for as long as I've been around the emo scene, I've seen a lot of discussion and arguing about what defines emo. And since I've seen some of that spill over onto this website, I figure I'll use this bulletin to say my piece.I started calling myself emo around the summer of 2015. If anyone were to be blamed for that, it would be my ex-boyfriend, though I think I might've fallen in with the scene anyways (more on that in a minute). But in the time since, I've gotten to learn more about emo subculture, and I've gained this understanding that it's a subculture that has fluctuated and reinvented itself so many times in a matter of roughly 30 years that it cannot reasonably be parsed or defined as a whole. Everyone has their own interpretation of emo which they're entitled to, but there's no concrete definition of it. It's not my business to tell anybody that they can't call themselves emo either. But I do feel it necessary to offer my own definition.To me, emo is a unique form of expression. I don't associate it with the stereotypes of self-harm and depression, but rather, I think it signifies a person who is in touch with their feelings in a very profound way. We're passionate about the thoughts and emotions that build us up. Emo is all about tearing away the veil to show the distorted and messed up human complex, brandishing the scars that show who we are, and being honest about it. Emo embraces the fact that we're all just lost souls roaming around in a big scary world, searching for solace and protection, searching for purpose, searching for love and security, searching for ourselves and someone else. And everything about the scene -- the dress style, the hair, the genres of music associated with emo -- is just a reflection of that, in some form. I've fallen so in love with it because it reflects my own values. And I know I'd rather be emotional than someone who feels no sympathy for anyone.Again, that's just my own interpretation of emo. I don't care much for kids today calling themselves emo or scene regardless of whether or not they actually are. It's just how they label themselves, and again, it's not my place to judge. At the end of the day, it's only a label. I just have zero tolerance for elitism in any form, and no patience for those that hold themselves to such a high standard that they believe they're a shining example of what emo is (and it wouldn't be anyone reading this, I promise). So please, let's just put an end to the debate, and learn to live and let live.

I had a panic attack today.It was worse than the one I had yesterday.I felt it coming on in second lesson and I tried to ask to get out but the teacher didn't pay any attention to my hand in the air and by the time the lesson had ended I couldn't hold back my tears. I had to walk to the office and try not to bump into anyone and try not to let anyone see the state I was in, and when I got in there I just collapsed.It didn't stop for maybe half an hour - I couldn't speak or move my legs properly, I kept having spasms and hitting my head against the wall. I was in a cold sweat and my chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to pass out.I had to miss two lessons while the nurse gave me a lecture about how my anxiety's something I can control (it isn't) and how all I had to do was think positive. F*** OFF.I did, however, get an exit card so that I can leave the class and go to the nurse's office for a bit and calm myself down.It's so exhausting being put into fight or flight for so long every day, I can't handle it. I've been walking around like a zombie because no amount of sleep can prepare me for this. I really can't handle this anymore, I want it to go away..

I know I don't miss her. She hurt me, she broke me. She made me feel like nothing.I miss being cared about. I miss having someone to talk to at 3 in the morning, I miss never being alone. I miss being so warm and full of light.I'm better off without her, but I feel so empty.

SO. Obviously, by the title of this blog, you can probably tell that today I hadT H E  W O R S T  D A Y  P R O B A B L Y  E V E R  So first off, I woke up late today, I didn't have enough time to use 7 sticks of eyeliner on my face let alone 1, and i had to rush out the door. Thankfully, I DID have enough time to throw some piping hot apple cider into my Polar Camel mug, which will keep my beverages warm for a very long time (not sponsored lmao) I got on the bus this morning, with my piping hot cider, and we were almost to school. my bus takes a harsh turn, and hot cider spills on my thighs. That hurt like a Butt-cheek on a stick. The bus pulled up to the school, so i grabbed my slightly sticky cup, and walked toward the front of the bus when one of the middle schoolers was partly in the isle, and the bump was strong enough to spill hot cider all over my hands. nothing to help wake you up like burning sticky hands, right? So yeah, things were fine despite some hot liquid spilling all over, i was still pretty optimistic about the day. Then, a "friend", who i just kind of tolerate, we'll call him Nigel, Nigel comes over and sits next to me and starts complaining about how he just got rejected after being lead on for a month, like every other girl he tried to date (except for me because i told him the same day that i was romantically involved with someone else).  The bell rang for first period, and I went to French class. naturally of course, i sit in the wrong desk *Brain fart*, then when I actually get to my desk, I burn my tongue on hot cider, and later knock my knuckles on the desk really hard, by accident of course. Later in the class, I put my table's books away and crushed my hand under the books i was setting down. At this point, i knew that today was just going to be a big stroke of bad luck. I went to 2nd period, Chemistry, and i started doing the work that was assigned to me. When an office assistant came into the classroom with a note. My teacher gave me the note, and told me i could go down anytime i wanted. so i finished some more problems on our worksheet and walked down to the counselling office, where it told me to go. I get to the office, tell them that i'm here to see a Councillor, tell them which Councillor i came to see, and they send me in. Low and behold, with my luck (or lack of), i walk into the wrong Councillor's office so i walk out, explain that i was in the wrong office and that the other Councillor was with someone, so i would wait for her.  After waiting a few minutes, i look at my note, and out loud, say "wait... this note isn't even mine.". i had someone else's note. so the counselling office lady and i try and figure out who this is, and we find out that it's a teaching assistant. I started walking back to class, but my brain failed me again and i almost walked into my 3rd period class instead of my second period class. i handed the note back to my teacher, and he ran it to the other room to give it to the teaching assistant it belonged to.Basically, my bad luck ends in 2nd period, and it got better, but my day was pretty much ruined 

If any of my friends actually show up on this blog that'd be cool 

Oh mah gawd. I AM CONFUSION! XD lol I made my account today x3 I heard more about this website over instagram (@cat_lawliet) and I wanted to make one :3 But i'm still just a little confused on how to use it XD

You stayed over on New Year's Eve.It was really reassuring for me to wake up next to you, to feel your warmth emanating from the sheets, to feel warm breath on my neck as the sun came through the curtains.I get anxious when you leave the room to go the toilet. I get anxious when I can't see you in a room of people. I get anxious when you're more than an arm's reach from me.Imagine how I react every time you leave.I can't control it.I can't stop it.I miss you.I miss your lips on my forehead,I miss your hand holding mine,I miss your voice in my ear, whispering:telling me that it's going to be okay, that I'm going to get through it.I miss your arms- it seems cold without them.I miss your eyes, stars reflected in your irises, shining hazel just for me.I miss your freckles, stippled too closely to call them constellations, rather a galaxy of specks on your skin.I miss your laugh, warm and deep. I miss your jokes and how you repeat them until they're not funny anymore.And I can't distract myself, because when I try and think of something nice all that comes to mind is youAnd so I think of you- your skin, your lips, those scars that you promised me never to renew-It's Tuesday, and I miss you.

1. A Decade Under the Influence- Taking Back Sunday2.  Back and to the Left- Texas is the Reason3. Stay Gone- The Get Up Kids4. 137- Brand New5. If I Could- Mineral6.  In Love With The Sound- The Saddest Landscape7. I'll Catch You- The Get Up Kids8. Never Meant- American Football9. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw10. I'm a Pepsi Guy- Everyone Everywhere

my bloodgoes blackwhen you speakmy name.my tongue shakes my hands shakemy eyes blinkendlessly.this smileis callous.my heart is seton revenge.

1. Sink Into Me- Taking Back Sunday2.  Aquasun- Basement3. Dont Wait- Dashboard Confessional4. This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)- Taking Back Sunday5. Money- Embrace6. The Leaving Song- AFI7. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw8. Silver and Cold- AFI9. Stood A Chance- Taking Back Sunday10. Invalid Litter Dept.- At the Drive In(There was a lot of TBS in this playlist wow)

I'm crumblingMy life is just an illusion of my own sick perceptionI can try to convince myself I am altruisticDeception...No matter how many times I am one, I will never truly believe itI am a monsterI am the image of what I hate the mostPredatory eyes stare back piercing my soulBlack like charcoalBut this time they're in my reflectionI am the object of subjection, no protectionMisdirection of articulate misconceptionsPatronizing, demonizing, terrorizing obsessionTo kill my sensesForce me into regressionKill the fear, kill the atmospherePlease just let me dissapearThe dark (He) calls my namePlease just let me go\In this moment of animosityChaos leads to disdainLet me drown in my own curiostyTake me to where I belong...

1. Holiday-The Get Up Kids2. Green Couch- Blowout3. The Shaking of Leaves- Into It. Over It.4. Dancing Through Sunday- AFI5. Forever Got Shorter- Braid6. Why Did We Ever Meet?- The Promise Ring7. F*** Your Emotional Bullsh*t- Snowing8. I Can Be Afraid of Everything- The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die9. Set Phasers to Stun- Taking Back Sunday10. The Leaving Song- AFI

https://pastebin.com/B9LEzT18The games have begun.Have fun, everyone who attempts.It is completely possible.

I had a good day today and I just wanted to share it I guess ^~^After school finished I went to Greggs with my friends (their soup is AMAZING) and my friend got me a new potted plant for Christmas!! we went back to my house to play Wii and my boyfriend was there which was nice :3 We all played Wii together and I won the game! I just feel really happy and sleepy and aghh :3 How's everyone else's days been??

Seven- Sunny Day Real Estatei'm back sleeping, or f***ing, or something- Moss IconAction & Action- The Get Up KidsGirl's Not Grey- AFINew Blood- Their/They're/ThereSame Shade as Concrete- Circle Takes the SquareA Praise Chorus- Jimmy Eat WorldA Jack With One Eye- Texas is the ReasonSomething That Matters-Merchant ShipsI'm Afraid of Everything- Braid