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mortality
Current mood:
 contemplative
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recently i've been hyper aware of my own mortality. this isn't something new exactly, it's just been a while since i've thought like this. i can't tell whether or not i'm afraid of death. maybe not death itself but whatever comes after it. now more than ever death is constantly being discussed. everywhere. the news, social media, ads. even people on the sidewalk in front of my house talking about some unfathomable number of lives that we've lost to the virus. it's become so normal. so casual. it's scary. i remember experiencing loss for the first time. it actually wasn't too long ago. it completely consumed me. but at least then i had people around me. i was always being comforted. now, people are inaccesible and the fear of losing someone i love is constantly floating around the back of my mind. but then i think, what if i get the virus? what if it kills me? who will be there to comfort my family and friends? will they comfort each other? will they need more than that? i know i'm not high risk, but who knows? i'm still young though. i'm probably just overthinking. all i can do is hope.
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hopeful
argumentative
curious
angsty
guilty
energetic
amused
fascinated
loved