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quarantine.
Current mood:
 content
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sh*t where do i even begin. quarantine was full of ups n downs. overall i feel like im at square one again. leading up to this feeling i was on top of the world. but all things that go up must come down. beginning of quarantine i got out of my first real relationship. hurt me more than anything else. i never got better but i coped. starting do things i wouldn't normally let myself do. i like that side of me. the feeling of covering my deep emotions. but the come down was even worse. brought me down deeper. after going through all of that and experimenting on who i really am, n who i wanted to be, i became a better version of myself. yeah i still do the same sh*t as i used to but it was the thought of him that always made it hard in the end. so there i was feeling amazing you know. i was finally okay with him out of my life and doing things that i enjoyed without the thought of him always lingering. until he decide to come back. i thought to myself. "wow, he must really miss me as much as I've missed him" "this is it, we are really supposed to be together" yeah. i got to see him more n more. he wanted to see me. he always made me feel like i was on top of the world. the feeling of it was just me n him and i was all that mattered to him. he was all that mattered to me. he knows me so well. i know him so well. promises were made and kept. i loved everything about this man. i continue to love everything about this man. he makes me feel like sh*t. sometimes i just want to tell him everything but im scared. i have reasons to be scared. he loves me and i love him. this is the part where i realize things. in the beginning of us talking again we decided to only be fwb. okay fine with me. but we would do things fwb wouldn't normally do. take me out to dinner, takes me to places I've never been before because he knew how much i wanted to go there or how much he knew i would love it. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. but like i said from the beginning, im at square one again. plans stopped being made. good morning txts stopped. how are you never got seen on my screen again. i knew this would happen and i let it. i knew when we were dancing under the streetlight at 3am just holding each other that would be the last time i would feel this hand on my waist. im at square one again. hoping that this doesn't turn into a cycle. anyways how was your quarantine?
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quarantine
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tired
inquisitive
blah
bored
ashamed
angry
flirty
artistic
confused
chill