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 Instagram:                                 Snapchat                               Twitter                            @samsprobablyjoking                 @samdoesntwantto                @samhatesyourmom                                      Lets play club penguin together :)                                                                                  

How exactly do you tell someone your very close to I F***ING HATE YOUR STUPID ASS CHURCH?

I just want to kill myself, I don't like it here so why bother! It's illegal to exist here you can't do anything fun!! :( so I'm just going to go back to were I came from, my dad will be waiting for me :)

Not an unpopular opinion here, but I’m so tired of Dahvie ugly STILL posting on Instagram and doing god knows what else when there are accusations on top of accusations against him.. dude has had the audacity to keep acting like all is normal. I mean, at least when Shane Dawson is being exposed for being a sh*tty person he has the decency to lay off the internet for a while, but Dahvie just won’t even acknowledge. I feel like other stupid drama is making the Dahvie investigation lose traction + exposure, hopefully, I’m wrong because this man is the nastiest piece of walking garbage I’ve ever encountered and he needs to be locked up, isolated, banned from humanity ASAP

hay gente tan linda aquí :( literal sigo a cada persona linda que veo JDFHDJ autocontrol, where u at?¿¿

I'm really just writing this for my peace of mind. It helps me think things through...I can be really sensitive and usually am all in with people. Whether that be friend ships, family, or relationships. For some reason I can't help myself when it comes to sharing my soul with others. No questions asked. But that leaves me vulnerable to many things...getting my hopes up, thinking I found a genuine connection, and every other naive thought you could feel. I'm simply an all or nothing kind of person and my trust in someone/anyone is automatic. Some say that is a pure way to live, others say it is very dangerous or naive. At this point I'm not sure what is worse. I give everything to whoever needs it without thinking of any gain for myself. My problem is do I continue to live this way or do I try to hold back when it comes to new people in my life? I'm finding that I am being my normal self, just chugging along doint my thing. Getting invested in people that I think are invested in me, no matter what stage it is, and then come to find out I am ghosted, ignored, lied to and much more. I can't help it and I guess some people can see that and take advantage. In the end though, I'm the one who gets hurt or upset. Since when did it become a thing to just dip out on someone without any explanation. I am 25 now, essentially and adult right? SO why is it so difficult to just communicate. I'm very understanding, mellow, non-judgemental and much more. If someone isn't interested in whatever bond we are starting to form, why can't they just say that. "Hey, just wanted to let you know that I don't believe this is going to work for the both of us so I am going to shut down this relationship." <--- For lack of better words....the point remains. Just be open and honest with me. I'm not gonna go crazy or anything, but it would be nice to know so I don;t put in effort to someone who doesn't want it. It's common courtesy and frankly I am so exhausted with no one having that. Ghosting someone is cowerdly and there is no need for it. So instead of accepting the situation for what it is, I'm left wondering what did I do wrong? Why does this person not want to talk to me anymore? It might be slightly irrational of me to think, but I think I deserve a little something for, I guess, closure? It's not a nice feeling to constantly be in this situation of wasting my time getting to know someone when they could care less, but state the opposite. When someone tells you, you are both on the same page, whatever that may be, I shouldn't have to wonder if that is a lie for whatever end game you have or if it's genuine. I obviously can't read people well and it is my fault for giving so much of myself to everyone, but come on. Enough is enough. I don't want to be jaded, I don't want to hesitate in forming relationships because the majority of people have ill intentions, and I don't want to be less kind and less open just because people can't just communicate. So where do I go from here? How do I protect myself better? Is holding myself back a good idea or does it ruin the future? I guess I'll have to figure that out. 

does anybody else feel extremely disillusioned with life at the moment? I think this heavy feeling really hit me on july 4th due to the digust I was feeling with the U.S. at the time and even at this moment. I just feel like being lied to all those years of my time in the education system really set me and others up for major disappointment and especially an immense amount of hurt with the true and repulsive ways of the world. sorry to sound so dreary but I figured this would be a safe place to vent. anyways, hope all is going well for everybody and that everybody is staying healthy and sane somehow during these disheartening times! happy saturday eve ♥

hi if you happen to see this add me and let's become friends! if you don't wanna talk here we can talk on instagram @jakyraz or snap @d3adpr1nc3ss :)

i do not want to go back to school like what.....summer has been a crazy one and im do glad for it of course, i got a tiny friend group i can be proud to be in, and i can show off my girls cause they give me serotonin headass, can i cuss here, anyways ive bonded with them so much i can finally count on them for what i need. boys suck, they always will. cant keep their word to anything. im not ready to go back to school, im gonna do my makeup and act like i havent known thee people for 4 years lol

On August 12, 2020 I will be taking a Plane from my closest airport, and flying all the way to Phoenix, AZ.On that day, I'll be meeting my Mommy & Daddy. (Yes, MDLG/DDLG)I figured today would be a good day to start a blog since this is going to be something I've never experienced before.From now until I come back home after the trip, (because there is no set date I'll be returning).I will post Daily Blog Posts about my time leading up to, during, and afrer the trip.The ticket is already purchased so this trip WILL be happening, unless any unforsceene circumstances occur (which nothing will most likely stop the trip).I don't know how many people will read this, doubtful if any. But I'll be doing it mainly for me since I've got sh*t memory, and I would like to try and remember as much detail about this journey as I can.Since the ticket was purchased a few days ago, I'll talk about that today, and just continue on for daily updates.July 8th, 2020 was the day the ticket was purchased.The excitment leading up to having the trip finalized like this, was full of happiness, excitment, mixed with a little anxiety. I've been on a plane a handful of times, but the longest trip via plane was from Maine-Florida. This time I'll be going from Maine-Arizona. Another thing that'll be new to me is, I've never travelled alone. This will be the first time I've travelled alone, and it'll be basically cross-country. I'll have one stop in Pennsylvania, which I'll talk about that when the time comes and how it goes. But otherwise than that, it'll be a pretty much straight shot to Arizona. The only places I've been to all are in the US, I've never been out of the Country either.But, I've been down the East Coast. So any State that's in New England, and then all the States down to Florida.The last time I was on a plane was back in June of 2013/14.I think I'll end todays blog here and continue with the updates Daily.If anyone does end up reading this, Hey! I hope you enjoy my banter lol ♥ 

Hey guys! I'm back~ how's everyone??

Okay so it's Summer AND we're in quarantine, so I can't show off my jacket in person anymore for a long while ;-; so i'm going to share it will all of you!! Also it has so much history, people are always asking me about where I got certain buttons, why i have certain buttons/patches/writing/drawings etc etc and I love talking about it so here it is!   First of all, look at this awesome graphic I made in my Digital Tools class this last Fall Semester. This is high on the list of Best Art Pieces I've Ever Made.Okay, so here is the beauty IRL:     I got this jacket at a thrift store in 2013 or 2014 and I have been building onto it ever since. I'm pretty sure it only got washed two or three times at the most in 2014 then never again, so it smells like sweat and beer and weed and punk shows, it's nasty i love it. (the smell isn't that strong at all btw, it's only if you put your face into it and REALLY try to smell it, which like why would you want to do that anyway...)So the graphic I made for class covers a few things here and there about my jacket, but I wanna go more in depth because some of these things have great stories, man!!    So these were my first EVER buttons. The "Kiss Me I'm Punk" button was given to me by my aunt back in 2013 when I was getting really into being Emo and into the local Punk Scene. "Not Saved" is a button I got from Hot Topic and cuz I'm a Breakfast Club nerd I recognized that it was the button John Bender has pinned to his glove, even though I don't know if it was supposed to be a direct BFC reference:         The marriage equality button was from my very first Pride Parade, it was in Sacramento, and it was before Gay Marriage was legalized in the United States. I can't remember if it was Summer 2013 or 2014 that I went, probably 2014. And the rat is from this artist, Robin Kaplan, @thegorgonist on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thegorgonist/), from when I visited her booth at an anime convention in 2018 (i think). She has soo many cute rat pieces, I got a keychain lanyard from her too with a bunch of rats on it :3     This is what I call my "time to piss my extended family off at get togethers" section of my jacket (not like the rest of my jacket wasn't an abomination to them LOL). The they/them pin is very recent, it was given to me by a friend this last year. The "Everytime You See A Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex," button I got at a Zombie Walk fest here in Sacramento, I fukin love that button lol. Then there's Jesus saying he'll be right back. That button was given to me i think somewhere around 2016-2017, I was a Sophomore i think in High School, and it was a Senior who was a TA for my history class who had given it to me, and it was the last day of school and he came up to me and was all "dude, you're so cool, and I love all the buttons on your jacket, i want to contribute to your collection before I graduate and never see each other again," and he let me pick any button i wanted off his backpack and that was like the coolest thing ever at the time lol. My CCA pin, the art school i go to/went to. And then the Church Clothes patch my mom got for me from Evangeline's in Sac :3     Janis ♥ got her in San Fran right before I started living down there for school, she's such an inspiration to me. And the Rat Patrol patch is from a friend who lives in Chicago and she always is finding rat patches/post cards for me there since they have such a rat problem in the subways lol  "Kill Drinking Culture!!!" Just me being StraightEdge lol. I don't remember what happened to make me so angry but something got me fired up and i scribble this on my jacket in the heat of a moment. It was most likely something about my extended family or a 21+ show. Drinking culture has ruined everything, I hate it.     Okay these are some fun stories.First of all, I always try to have safety pins on me. Having safety pins on this jacket has been the smartest thing I've done in my life. One time at school the button of my jeans popped off and I almost didn't have pants for the day but i had safety pins on my jacket to take its place!! and one time i was in an elevator and this girl's dress broke, it was either the zipper or the strap, and ta-da safety pin saved the day again!Okay so the TV pin is new, it's from my Digital Tools teacher, Josh Ellingson (https://www.instagram.com/ellingson.cc/). One of my favorite teacher's I've had to date, he was so chill and the class was a lot of fun. I got the Roni patch at a thrift store with my roommates in the Mission District and we thought it was the funniest thing cuz they call me Roni (Rice-a-Roni) all the time and I thought it'd be cute to have, so there it is. Makes me think of my friends :3 The Too Cute To Care button is from one of those friends for my birthday!My Frank Iero button!! Got it during the Stomachaches tour in 2015. I went all the way to Seattle, Washington to see him since all of the California dates sold out and I was having a mental breakdown and my parents were like okay we will take you to see Frank if it'll make you happy plz stop being sad. lol. My AC/ES button!! From one of my favorite High School English teachers :3 She was, like, one of my only friends at that school. I was having a really hard time, getting bullied real bad, and I'd always escape to her classroom to hang out with her. She gave me this button saying she thought of me when she saw it and I thought that was super fukin sweet. She still does that from time to time, recently she found an Exploited flag for me at a thrift store.       another patch from evangelines!! i lovee bob's burgers, and louise is such an icon, i love her, i aspire to be her.   My homeless gospel choir patch!! I need to redo it lol but i made this a couple years back, i fukin love that band, i love derrick. the pin on there says "Midterms are Sexy," got it at the San Fran Zine fair this last september, it's talking about Midterm Elections and they ARE super sexy and you should totally vote in EVERY ELECTION if you're over 18!!!!     another patch that i made :D here's the insp:      Now for the patches on my sleeves:      "I could tell you, but then you would have to be destroyed by me," this is from a big book about secret governement airforces and their patches that they'd wear, got it from a used bookstore in Berkley. It's such an awesome book and they had this patch on the cover. (This is the book) Then my sweet Fall Out Boy patch, got that from the first aftershock I ever went to in 2014, there was a big booth of patches for sale. I don't think they even do things like that anymore. The last few aftershocks i went to they didn't have all those cool booths :/ And my san francisco pride patch, i don't remember the year but it was a while back ago, and it was randomly not during pride. got it in san fran tho.       sooo many pockets and they're so huge!! there's over 5 years worth of sh*t in these pockets. every once in a while i got through them and take things out, but there's a lot of things in there that are old memories and then useful concert stuff like a portable charger, and usually i have some ear plugs in there. sharpies too to tag things, but you didn't hear that 0-0.    the inside! (also, if you're still reading this, i applaude you lmao). I drew these things a lonnnggg time ago, i think in 9th or eary 10th grade? i remember drawing this heart tree thing in art class around then and getting obsessed with the idea and drawing it everywhere. also writing living/dying everywhere. I think it was a subconcious message of encouragement to myself, that i'm still living, i'm still growing, things are going to get better maybe. then on the pockets is a hercules' reference. "Want a watch?/ Want a sundial?"    Okay, and lastly, I'll talk about the back a bit. I found the Good Charlotte and Jimi Hendrix patches on Telegraph Street in Berkely this last year from these crazy old hippies, they had a whole booth of cheap/free patches it was awesome. I went to a gas station recently and this older woman working the counter saw that GC patch and got all excited and started telling me about how much she used to love GC and Green Day and going to warped tours! And then I made my Rat King back patch. It used to be a "Punk's Not Dead" thing and I just kinda grew out of it and I had a bunch of rats at one point and I became a Rat Dad and yeah. I love it. And I made the Leathermouth patch too! Just this last year, it turned out so good ahhh :33okay so that's my jacket and i love it so so much and i'll cherish it foreverrrrr!!! it makes me miss going to shows when i see it, so many memories of shows and people and places ;-; i hope to wear it and add more to it soon. to end this, here's a picture of me in my jacket with derreck zanetti:  

currently wanting some new friends 

frog friends please

I'm talking to this dude and idk what suddenly has com over my usual refusal to date but me and him are 100% going to date