FriendProject.net

my girlfriend recommended this site to me tonight, and i'm excited to use it.i really hate modern social media. i feel exhausted all the goddamn time on twitter, instagram, etc, and i can barely handle tumblr with dozens of add-ons to modulate my experience. i was never able to use myspace when it was popular (i was just a smidge too young), but i was still primarily using proboards forums, old youtube, ff.net, and classic tumblr... places where web 2.0 didn't catch on until i was in my mid-teens.i miss the old internet. it was a space where a weirdo transgender autistic plural system could catch a break. maybe this is gonna be an easier place to handle than the rest of the new internet.hi, everyone!

day 15: american psycho dir mary harron9/10yeah this movie is beautifully shot and scripted and directed and it has cool surrealist themes and whatever but more importantly why r we all ignoring patrick bateman for sluttiest scream queen?? im sick of it. give him the credit he deserves. (yeah ik hes kills people but also. WHATEVER hes not real and hes a whore and idk so what i wanna f*** the represenation for the unaccountability for the rich white elites and the horrible things they do, especially mistreating those with much less power than them. so what. so what i wanna f*** him. so what i wanna kill him with my hands. leave me alone)anyway its craxy how they made a movie from the book that that weird psychotic jock in riverdale wrote

day 14: curseddir. wes craven10/10this movie is... everything. it is a f***ing mess. it is a story of a throuple in coming together. it is a tale of power, and of passion. it is the greatest wereworlf movie ever made. it is the only movie starring jesse eisenbergs straight spiky anime boy hair. it is everything you could ever want and more than you could ever dream. and yes- it is sexy. so if you couldnt tell, i f***ing love this movie. i love this movie so goddamn much. is that bc i think jesse eisenberg and christina richie are thottie hotties? maybe. is it because i only like sh*tty, terribly produced horror? perhaps. is it because a wewolf gives the camera the middle finger? absolutely.  its one of my cult faves, and it is absolutetly ridiculous. i geniunly cant even say what is so special about it, its like evrythig went wrong but in such a right way. like yes, there are dream sequences that go nowhere, and yes, there are so may threads that are completely dropped, but answer me this. have u ever seen christina ricci kill her sh*tty werewolf boyfriend, huge? didnt fucing think soif you’re a virg don’t watch this film (or any other of my recs). u need to get your d*ck wet to understand it. like if u don’t find twinkie little femboys, repressed jocks or goth girls hot u will have a bad time. not watching the movie, just in life. also you have to be kinda fruity. maybe not a full on fag but like, you can’t be 100% hetero and enjoy this sh*t (or any of my other recs). anyway despite all the sh*t that went wrong in production, this movie is so much fun. i cant lie, when i watch it, i get a warm feeling, and i dont think any halloween trash fest is complete without this film. it holds a special place in my heart, and it always will ♥ it also has my fav quote in any movie ever:  Jimmy Myers: No, I'm not gay, I'm cursed! Bo: I know it must feel like that sometimes... Jimmy Myers: No, I'm cursed by the Mark of the Beast!

day 13: the witchdir robert egers8.5/10she sure is a witch. uh. yeah to be honest i saw this one a while ago and i dont remember much?? all i know is i want to be her friend aybe dance m=naked in the woods. idk ♥

day 12: hereditary dir ari aster8.5/10available on netflix and like every single i113g41 streaming site i know ok. i know its basic. i know its overhyped. i f***ikg know. the cycles of trauma got to me alright. anyway heres my dumb personal analysis of the film the first thing i think of when i think of hereditary is mental illness. and it’s easy to see that in the film- the grandmother to the mother to the son and daughter- i tried to stop it but she wouldn’t let me. she got to the daughter too soon. how many times have i thought about going to my sisters funeral. how many times as a suicidal member of my family been found my someone else. how many times did we brush past it, learning nothing at all, no one taking any responsibility for anything. how many times have we believed in god and angels and visions of the dead before we believed in psychosis and hard sh*t and trauma. my mother uses essential oils. my mother, the cancer survivior uses essential oils. i go to a child’s social worker for therapy. me, the pyschotic teen, goes to a children’s social worker.instead of dealing with sh*t, we bury it. we put it in art. we put it in violence. other people tell us that we are normal. that we are strange. that they can fix us.  that we are unfixable. they are outsiders. they are insiders. it feels like there’s a curse on your family and they’d probably believe it before believing in the cycle of trauma. my great grandmother crawls over the dead bodies of children at her school. my grandfather has depression. he tries to kill himself. he keeps trying. his brothers do the same. his brother in law succeeds. my mom forgets everything always writing it off and shredding it. i continue to exist.if i didn’t get it i was gonna get it anyway. if i didn’t come about it on my own it would come to me and keep coming to me, like a dead fish rising in a lake. you try to make it. if you write it down that means it’s worth reading. it means it all meant something. it was all for something. it was all art.  or maybe it was all just a sad thing that happened. and maybe that’s too much.hereditary does a good job or showing familial trauma and illness. we are all infected by each other. and that’s why we are the only people who can understand each other. you open your mouth and your sisters voice comes out. your mother hates her mother even though she fails to see her own transformation- one day she looks in the mirror and flinches, waiting for the hand to fall. 

day 11: p dir paul spurrier9.5/10available on netflix (i tried to find it somewhere else for free but there isnt a huge online presecne for the film :(( demon prostitute pedo killing lesbian witch of my dreamsit’s gory & glossy & glam, like a combination of jennifer’s body & burlesque & the ring.ever seen a man get his d*ck bitten off by a snake? or a slow burn dyke relationship between two woc in a horror? or a sexy old magic man? i have. and i will again bc this is now one of my top horror films. only took one point off bc (major spoiler) 1/2 of the lesbian couple gets gutted :(( 

day 10: unfriended: dark webdir. stephan susco6/10available free on seriesonline.ioi would literally drill a hole into my skull for friends like this. love this move love how insane and weird it allows itself to get!! the only thing i dislike is some of the pacing and the ending (though it is totally unexpected and exciting, i just personally didnt find it satisfying) but sum of the kills were rlly creative so its def worth a watch even if its just the kill countmatias4besthorrorsob 

yeah i forgot to do these again but i just got out of a depressive eipsode and then i stayed up for a day and a half and now ? im manic and drank 8 cus of coffe  lets go ladiesday 9: the slumber party massacredir. amy holden jones sr: rita mae brown 7/10available free herebig boobs bigger fake outs. ngl tho it felt kinda exciting counting all the fake scares!!! as of this im counting about 7 and we are 30 mins in. would make a great drinking game (update: just got high out of my f***inh mind like 40 mins in i f***ing love this movie) its one of those flicks you leave on in the background while youre doing your hair or texting or something. mindless and fun to look at, with some funny lines thrown in every few minutes, and enough tit and batsh*t shenanigans to keep your attention  ok i just saw the fridge gag. slumber party massacre king of comedyfinal diagnoses: good if yr like me and kinda terrible but also rlly fun 80s horror is yr fav genre 

What are these lollipops called? My brother and I just had an arguement b/c he calls them "Sweatie Pops" Like wtf is a sweatie pop? I just call them lollipops, cuz i dont know if they have a name. Anyway, do u call the Sweatie Pops, or Lollipops?

we didnt talk a ton today except we texted a tiny bit in the morning and she called me at about 12:50 and we spent the night together, which was really nice:) she was feeling pretty bad today, so i tried to give her space. i wish there was more i could do for her or to help her when shes feeling like this. it makes me sad to know how much she has to deal with, but im glad ik how shes feeling. i love her so much. the stuffie she got me came today!!! omg its so cute! i love it so much. i fell asleep hugging it which was so nice and maggie said i looked cute:) 

hi i hate myself and my art, i hate how i look i hate how i act i hate every tiny thing about myself, ive rarely felt confident in myself and when i do it doesnt last very long. i have the worlds lowest self esteem, nothing could change my mind

i died my hair black lol 

melancholy:a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.just finished reading jaden's blog. it was nice. i didnt realize it but it was making me smile. then i started to cry.i dont know why.im still crying.it was around the part where he was talking about houses that i started to tear up. its nice to have someone be so happy about anything. i still cant believe i can make someone so happy.i feel bad for him at times. it seems like in jaden's mind, his future with me is bright.i cant deny, it feels nice having my name next to words like "happy" & "love". never thought itd be possible.but since i can remember, ive always seen my future as something dark. i try, i honestly try to imitate his cheerfulness.sometimes i do daydream about us. our journey. the first time we meet, our first date, marriage, and whatever comes after. its nice. i dig deep inside and bring out happy maggie. ..but they never stay for too long.they leave. im left blank.im always left blank.thats when sadness creeps in.its always there. it comes when it wants to.like yesterday. i was having a good time talking to jaden. i was making fart noises for him. i was watching him laugh. he looked so happy.then it just creeped in. that emptiness and sadness came in. i felt it. i felt it take over my whole body. i wanted to cry. suddenly this little cheerful person i was watching on my screen was the saddest thing i'd seen in my life. i couldnt match his joy. its odd. he stares back, but theres nothing to look at. its empty. no one is there looking back at him. its gonna be like that when he sees me physically. he'll be looking at something thats empty. emptiness and sadness never leave. ive been feeling pretty empty since then. the feeling is bigger now. thats when thoughts come in. earlier today i was at the doctors office. 9th floor. all i could see was my hair flowing freely and me hitting the ground. the images wouldnt stop. they kept playing over and over...i try. ive always tried to make this thing inside me go away but it doesnt want to. its part of me and i cant understand it. thats why its so hard to explain it all to someone who loves me. "what can i do?"the truth is. i dont have the answer to that.ever since this thing has been with me, my job has been to search for an answer for others. but there is none. even if i found one, they wouldnt understand. they never do, they always fail. thats why i gave up on explaining.sadness is there. it'll always be there. it has no cause.its just here with me.its me.  

Gorr'Rylaehotep and  His WrathGorr’Rílæhotép okh Hjés Réíðú:ᚷᛟᚱᚱ ᚱᛁᛚᚩᛖᚻᛟᛏᛖᛈ ᛟᚲᚻ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚱᛖᛁᚦᚢ:Germanic-English1 Hínaúbér ðí Wodsés,   Sínd Rétsíge af Bræúms.2 Okh hínaúbér jéné bræúms,   Ladŭlníér ðí Groʃé God dér Wodsérés  Wém wíértíér okfa hérrşé ínérkhalb   Þí Víérşté-Vald.3 Sogwol, şonsaí Hí és ðí Groʃé God,   Jéméno wér entsíérs læsért, ér entsíérs   Néğmén vortéílé gégén-Hím ínérkhalb   Þí Wodsérés: sol̄ séhén okh tréf̄é Hjés   Réíðú.4 Wol’ éúç maí-nŭl séhén Hjés anşkit,   For és ést līr af aúsdrúkhé, abér   Þír wíl̄é bí aktíoné fråné Hím.5 Ín Hjés aktíonés, Hí sol̄ éntféʃéln Hjés   Téntakélés gégén Hjés gégnérs,   For ðírér gífŭltérsé wíð ðí súbştansérs   Af krŭlkéhaín okh Têd.Germanic-English (Runic)1 ᚻᛁᚾᚩᚢᛒᛖᚱ ᚦᛁ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᛋ   ᛋᛁᚾᛞ ᚱᛖᛏᛋᛁᚷᛖ ᚩᚠ ᛒᚱᚩᛖᚢᛗᛋ.2 ᛟᚲᚻ ᚻᛁᚾᚩᚢᛒᛖᚱ ᛃᛖᚾᛖ ᛒᚱᚩᛖᚢᛗᛋ   ᛚᚩᛞᚢᚢᛚᚾᛁᛖᚱ ᚦᛁ ᚷᚱᛟᛋᛋᛖ ᚷᛟᛞ ᛞᛖᚱ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᚱᛖᛋ   ᚹᛖᛗ ᚹᛁᛖᚱᛏᛁᛖᚱ ᛟᚲᚠᚩ ᚻᛖᚱᛋᚲᚻᛖ ᛁᚾᛖᚱᚲᚻᚩᛚᛒ   ᚦᛁ ᚤᛁᛖᚱᛋᚲᚻᛏᛖ ᚤᚩᛚᛞ.3 ᛋᛟᚷᚹᛟᛚ ᛋᚲᚻᛟᚾᛋᚩᛁ ᚻᛁ ᛖᛋ ᚦᛁ ᚷᚱᛟᛋᛋᛖ ᚷᛟᛞ   ᛃᛖᛗᛖᚾᛟ ᚹᛖᚱ ᛖᚾᛏᛋᛁᛖᚱᛋ ᛚᚩᛖᛋᛖᚱᛏ ᛖᚱ ᛖᚾᛏᛋᛁᛖᚱᛋ   ᚾᛖᚷᚻᛗᛖᚾ ᚤᛟᚱᛏᛖᛁᛚᛖ ᚷᛖᚷᛖᚾ ᚻᛁᛗ ᛁᚾᛖᚱᚲᚻᚩᛚᛒ   ᚦᛁ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᚱᛖᛋ ᛋᛟᛚᛚ ᛋᛖᚻᛖᚾ ᛟᚲᚻ ᛏᚱᛖᚠᚠᛖ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ   ᚱᛖᛁᚦᚢ.4 ᚹᛟᛚ ᛖᚢᚲᚻ ᛗᚩᛁᚾᚢᚢᛚ ᛋᛖᚻᛖᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚩᚾᛋᚲᚻᚲᛁᛏ   ᚠᛟᚱ ᛖᛋ ᛖᛋᛏ ᛚᛁᛁᚱ ᚩᚠ ᚩᚢᛋᛞᚱᚢᚲᚻᛖ ᚩᛒᛖᚱ   ᚦᛁᚱ ᚹᛁᛚᛚᛖ ᛒᛁ ᚩᚲᛏᛁᛟᚾᛖ ᚠᚱᚫᚾᛖ ᚻᛁᛗ.5 ᛁᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚩᚲᛏᛁᛟᚾᛖᛋ ᚻᛁ ᛋᛟᛚᛚ ᛖᚾᛏᚠᛖᛋᛋᛖᛚᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ   ᛏᛖᚾᛏᚩᚲᛖᛚᛖᛋ ᚷᛖᚷᛖᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚷᛖᚷᚾᛖᚱᛋ,   ᚠᛟᚱ ᚦᛁᚱᛖᚱ ᚷᛁᚠᚢᚢᛚᛏᛖᚱᛋᛖ ᚹᛁᚦ ᚦᛁ ᛋᚢᛒᛋᚲᚻᛏᚩᚾᛋᛖᚱᛋ   ᚩᚠ ᚲᚱᚢᚢᛚᚲᛖᚻᚩᛁᚾ ᛟᚲᚻ ᛏᛟᛖᛞ.English Translation1 Beyond the Woods,   Are a vast of trees.2 And beyond those trees,   Summons the Great God of the Forests   Whom would also rule within the   Fourth World.3 Even though, since He is the Great God,   Anyone who decides to blaspheme, or   Decides to take advantage against Him   Within the Forests: shall see and meet His   Wrath.4 Though ye' may not see His face,   For it is empty of expression, but there   Will be actions from Him.5 In His actions, He shall unleash His   Tentacles against His adversaries   For they're filled with the substances   Of sickness and death.⊗ Héíl Gorr’Rílæhotép - ᚻᛖᛁᛚ ᚷᛟᚱᚱ ᚱᛁᛚᚩᛖᚻᛟᛏᛖᛈ - Hail Gorr’Rylaehotep (the Slender Man) ⊗

maggie said i looked cute today:) she changed her profiles on discord and twitter and they look really cool! she knows how to do cool fonts and stuff like that it looks awesome! she gave me a font to use for twitter and that was really nice. hacker maggie lol we played lots of cod today, which was awesome! we(mostly me) were kinda sucking in the morning though:/ she laughed at me cus i like kfc lmao. i talked to her for a bit in just spanish. i really want to get better. we talked about our house today:) and we looked up houses in washington and we saw some really cool ones! i cant wait to live with her shes so amazing. she made fart noises which were f***ing hilarious. maggie helped me practice kissing too. when we started i sucked but i think i started getting better. she has such cute hands. she wrote a blog yesterday and it was amazing! shes such a good writer. i hope she writes more cus i really liked reading it