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A song on repeatI cannot believe youTo this day

Emotions bottled upHave to escape at some point. It is March,It is April.There is no difference.I know you will be here, I know you will wait.But will you fight for the outcome?I know you won't, but I can only hopeLike a fool.

I do not draw like I used to. I need the sorrow I once had to make what I once made.  

listening to music very very hyper

i already love it.   

becomes gay

i cant believe what just happened. was i dreaming?? that was literally a dream come true. he even grabbed me by the neck like OMGGGG. AND HES SO HOTTT.

:/ i really miss when food didn't feel like a chore. i can't explain how sh*tty it is to feel guilty after doing omething as simple a eating. it shouldn't be this hard. i always want to be more open about eds on my spam but i have too many locals on there. even when i removed so many people it's like aah i still can't say certain things. which is fine yk like,,, maybe some things are better left unsaid. like this. mia and dana are the only people who i told but i'm pretty sure the others know. thye're not dumb. my relationship with food has never been a good one. apart of me wants to get better but the other part of me is scared for the recovery. i keep reminding myself that feeling is normal and valid but this battle is already as hard as it is on my own. im just glad some people in my life can relate to it, even if they haven't told me either. so why do i feel so alone? remember how i said my friends aren't dumb? yeah i'm not either. peace.

01hi, please don't call me by my name. i'd much rather prefer mars or marcy. for some context, i'm not good at keeping friends. aside from my coworkers, i have two friends. maybe one? one and a half? we'll get to that story later. i live in a small, sh*thole of a town, with small sh*thole people who will not amount to anything. i thought i'd indulge in writing some entries, before The Great Escape. i think the emphasis on it is well deserved. it might be in two days, two weeks, or two months. but it's gonna happen. i will be living proof that you don't have to settle and that maybe things do get better.ok, so that is my plan A. escaping my sh*thole town.if not, there's plan B. you & i both know what plan B is. so you may be thinking, "mars, if you wanna leave so bad, then idk maybe just wait another year till you turn 18, and leave." but there's the catch. i have one-hundered-and-ninety-something days till i give up. this isn't a call for help, or me getting attention, it's just a genuine fact about me. i am counting my days. i've been doing it for about a year and a half. and i'm ready. anyways, before things get too mushy, there's some people you need to meet:(names are changed for privacy purposes)*grayson - my ex. sorta? boyfriend? but not official boyfriend. but we're trying things again? yeah, you get the gist.*veronica / v - my best friend. we've been on the rocks lately, but i'm trying my best.*caleb - my ex-best friend of 5 years. he'll come up every so often.*marc - my neighbor. my friend? context on that later.i don't know if this'll reach anybody. maybe it will, maybe it won't. but that's okay. this is for me. this is proof that i tried :Pthanks.- mars 

i got the hang of this so if you see me online 24/8 mind ur business 

What a sh*tty way to start the day.  I am a 42 year old dialysis patient that does dialysis at home.  I do dialysis 6 days a week for 4 hours a day.  Today I had issues needling my vein to the point that it started to "jump or spasm " so im in agonizing pain.  As im stabbing at this spasming vein my needle kept hitting a nerve causing my thumb and bicep to flex uncontrollably.  After 10 min i finally just gave up.  I hate that this is my life but I could be dead which would be worse.  

i just want my hot girl summer to come faster 

11pm at the vibe room !! listening to 2010 emo music and reliving my stupid emo phase. I've been thinkin a lot about how little fun i had back then so i'm really trying to relive it with diffrent altenative fashions and music to make new memories and experience that time again but with healthy relationships and friends :) ive been having a great time w it. not much time to dwell on my moments back then when i could be making new memories with friends.

I'm trying to find something to do while I wait on some mods to finish up downloading. Today wasn't that interesting other than someone coming in and buying all of our pokemon cards. I got a few packs beforehand though. Got two good cards. A holographic legendary mawile and a holo meloetta. Pretty happy about that. Should've gotten more packs while I had the chance though, we just got them in today too. We haven't been getting cards in much lately.