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My Ideal Life In 15 Years: A Essay Written in Detention
Current mood:
angsty
My ideal life in 15 years is probably going to be different as every year goes by up until I reach that fifteen-year mark and think ¨wow I thought so differently back then.¨ For one I could never imagine myself actually making it to a big college, but then again maybe by the end of graduation next year, I would have finally taken myself seriously and actually done something meaningful enough to be accepted into a college. Sorry if this essay sounds degrading. Sorry for apologizing too much. I hope in 15 years I can stop saying that I am sorry for everything and anything I will ever do or have ever done. I hope in 15 years I can look at myself in the mirror without thinking of all my past mistakes and how everything I will ever do will end up in failure. I hope in 15 years I see the others around me not as potential bullies to avoid but as potential friends. I hope in 15 years I can be me without people waving their hands at me dismissively; everything I have to say always being met with an eye roll as if the act of hearing what I have to say is some exhausting chore. I hope in 15 years I can look people in the eye without the dread of seeing their smiles, the same smiles one would do to a baby or child, the same tone of voice spoken at someone of less intelligence. I don´t hope for love in 15 years, I hope for money and a place for myself and my family. My house is so disgusting the mere act of sleeping in my own bed requires a shower in the morning and a cry. I wish to buy a new place for my family so they can enjoy it and not be so bombarded with stenches of depression and filth. I hope I clean my room before 15 years go by so I´m not constantly met with the stench and constant heap of clothes that grows and grows or the empty cans of soda that seems to multiply by the second, always met with ¨I´ll take care of it tomorrow¨ when my mother asks me to take care of the mess. Maybe that's why my family is a mess. I hope in 15 years I can see my mother smile and laugh like how I used to make her laugh when I was younger, I hope in 15 years to see my parents fall in love again or to finally get that divorce that´s oh-so-needed for the both of them. I hope in 15 years I can eat something without the fear of gaining weight or needing to calorie count. I hope in 15 years I´m not me but I know that's not possible, I can´t change myself; I am me, and that same Me is so different than I. How I perceive myself and how others see Me are so different. The simple act of my existence is seen as disgusting or humorous while I see myself as someone just trying to get by. I hope in 15 years I have a job and I´m not a slob living with my parents. I hope in 15 years I can enjoy my own presence without a slow and painful fall into a depressive episode. I hope in 15 years I´m Normal. I hope in 15 years I love myself.
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