11/30/2023 09:54 PM  wip Catching up with old friends, it's hard not to love things you end. Ripped letters to broken hearts, it is tough to think about how I still love this. Finding thoughts I left behind me. I see you in the velvet night and cool fall evenings. I long for something I'll never get. Something real, something warm. Save me in your memory, I find calmness in this misery.   0 Comments

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08/28/2023 10:04 PM  I'm pushed into a corner, I'm going out shooting (myself) [wip] I don't want to fall in love with someone who doesn't love me back, but I'll do it if I have to. This gun is loaded mother f***er and I have my finger on the trigger. Be honest with me now, do you love me or do you love complaining about something? Cause to me you never care what I have to say, unless it's me consoling you, other than that I'm so f***ing boring right? I'm f***ing useless, right? I'm just a sack of sh*t you complain your petty problems with. You should be over it by now, but I won't say that. You're selfish but I can't say that cause I'm not. It's so awful loving someone that will never feel the same way, especially when they're an a**hole. They crash and burn, they come to me. I console them, I empathize. They love me and cut me off. They act like talking to me is a chore, just so they can return to me on a dark night. For a little moment in time, you let me in, you let me feel what you feel, just to drop me off and leave me where you were. 0 Comments

08/26/2023 10:52 PM  this is velvet you'll never afford I'm tired of fighting this battle of romance. I know it is what we both want, It hurts to try and pretend I don't like you. I know this is what we both need, I've seen this scenario out before. I know when we fall asleep at night, its us we're thinking of. I drift into your dreaming arms,  you flinch when you feel my touch, but I know when you sleep at night, its me you're dreaming of.   I write this all down and hope you won’t see it, this wouldnt  hurt so bad  if you'd just let me touch you. I whisper these words, and I hope you won’t hear them, I hoped you call me by now but I'm just hoping (I was okay with this, but you took it too far)   I'm so tired of not knowing you.  I want to see every  rabbit hole of you,  every edge of your body The fog will suffocate me before I ever tell you this, but when you see the clouds drop you'll know its from me. 0 Comments

08/14/2023 01:44 PM  human etiquette wip If life is about being tired I should win a gold medal. If my shoes are too muddy, you'd clean them for me, right? cause I'd do the same for you. He's in love with the world, I can't move a muscle. It's just you me and the trees. I feel so incomplete but the moon is only full sometimes, right? You, me, and the trees. Life isn't the only thing that pushes you through it. I couldn't care enough to love you till you're gone. Being so free can be so grounding, I feel like life is calling my name but I just ignore it, and push it off, later, not now. Procrastinate. Realize that walking into a store is not such a big deal. Realize you're not important enough to care about, realize your dreams are futile and you'll end up working a nine-to-five office job and you'll never be able to retire. Then maybe you'll feel alive, feel worth it. Once you notice you can't achieve your dreams, you can actually start achieving them. Giving up makes everyone feel better. Sweet release before sweet death. Dying won't be bad when you live in a world like this. This isn't a death wish, just a complete agreement with the idea of death. I'm ready to go if they'll take me, but if they won't, It'll be fine too. Learning to straddle the middle line isn't something you should want to do, but something that comes more naturally with time. The easier I tire, the more I stay up. Common human etiquette. The water on the stove will start to bubble any minute now. I cannot think without my brain saying that I'm wrong for thinking. Somethings I shouldn't, don't need to, or don't want to question, yet I still wander. The world revolves around me being miserable.  The heat is always unbearable around this time of the year, it strangles you, and the humidity adds degrees. I spent my whole life thinking I'd be dead already, and now I'm here. I have to find what's truly important, but what if that's not truly important? What's the point of goals if replacing them is inevitable? What's the point of dreams if they themselves are futile? I don't know, throw it in the garbage. Throw this in the garbage. I feel as if someone is sabotaging my life. Someone is failing my math test again, someone is late to class, someone isn't writing an essay right now. Someone is complaining about things they can fix. We all fall in love with our friends. We all fall apart. We all deserve better. You definitely do. You're the sun after overcast, I'm the desert's rain. You deserve the mountains, the trees.  I don't know where to go with any of this, I'm just writing to get it out. It's too cold inside and too hot outside. I'm a big experiment. I'm too tired. Simply tired. 0 Comments

07/13/2023 03:56 PM  i feel like flowers maybe i want a simpler life. maybe i wanna eat ramen at 2:50 am and not worry about sleeping till noon. maybe i want to freeze in the snow. maybe i want to listen country music, though i always swore i hated it.once you realize you only like things because people like them, or even that you dont like things because they like them. maybe being different isnt that special, maybe being the same is terrible. and maybe youll find the world moves a little slower, but maybe life will flash by in a haze of colors 0 Comments

05/23/2023 08:16 PM  hate you wip everything reminds me of you, southern summer nights, and the cool foggy morning breeze. It's a delicate feeling cause when the sun burns through the clouds the fragile night dies with it. My mind can't decide what to do with you. Tossing and turning in my sleep, I can't decern what you're feeling. You're so f***ing confusing We're so f***ing confusing. This constant mood swings, crashing and rising. Loving and hating.   0 Comments

05/20/2023 09:46 PM  djjdjej feeling slow like an indie film finding time falling back on me crushing all the hopes and dreams Ive  pushed on me  I f***ing erase the words but their ghost haunt the page feeling drifted, so far away   0 Comments

05/12/2023 11:10 PM  I Don't Believe in True Love Because If It Were Real You'd Love Me Back Maybe I'm too far gone to be able to be happily in love, or maybe the world has something out for me. Maybe I'm digging my own grave, dude, maybe I'm over before I even began. Our colors clash in a darling car wreck, bloody and beautiful. I couldn't yell loud enough to give you the hints, couldn't make you believe it. I'm a ticking love bomb waiting to explode, but my timer always resets seconds before explosion, before release.  Life is like a sweater, scratchy and drifting at the seams. It's too tight around the neck and I feel it choking me but I love the patterns and uniqueness of it. So I wear it, I live with the negative for elaborate positives. I sway with anxiety and l leave my self-assurance behind me. How come someone so confident grow so soft in seconds? It's the effect of you and its strangles the words out of my mouth. It's just the stupidity of it all that gets on my nerves. I shouldn't be feeling this scrambling feeling but I guess when I tell myself no, I'm far more tempted. My stomach is floating away from me and my head is in the clouds. I'm cut up over your voice, and I'm tired of being so weak, so susceptible to my emotions. If I beat myself over it, it'll only make it worse, but it feels better for the moment.  How can I feel so strongly when life kills me numb? I watch the time but the minute hand never moves, only the hours run along. I try to live in the moment but when there is something stabbing me, the blood pours out. 0 Comments

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