05/24/2023 12:38 PM  wip I'm tiring of holding on to the hope you'll love me back I stare into the tv and it might as well be static I can't feel without you I can't be without you I'll never admit to loving you I'll never admit to caring but I know in my dreams tonight it's our time we're sharing(lips were sharing) I don't feel at home with myself anymore you're my comfort (I can't breathe anymore) I can't f***ing think without you I just can't without you I'll never admit to loving you I'll never admit to caring but I know in my dreams tonight it's our time we're sharing(lips we're sharing)   0 Comments

05/23/2023 08:16 PM  hate you wip everything reminds me of you, southern summer nights, and the cool foggy morning breeze. It's a delicate feeling cause when the sun burns through the clouds the fragile night dies with it. My mind can't decide what to do with you. Tossing and turning in my sleep, I can't decern what you're feeling. You're so f***ing confusing We're so f***ing confusing. This constant mood swings, crashing and rising. Loving and hating.   0 Comments

05/20/2023 09:46 PM  djjdjej feeling slow like an indie film finding time falling back on me crushing all the hopes and dreams Ive  pushed on me  I f***ing erase the words but their ghost haunt the page feeling drifted, so far away   0 Comments

05/12/2023 11:10 PM  I Don't Believe in True Love Because If It Were Real You'd Love Me Back Maybe I'm too far gone to be able to be happily in love, or maybe the world has something out for me. Maybe I'm digging my own grave, dude, maybe I'm over before I even began. Our colors clash in a darling car wreck, bloody and beautiful. I couldn't yell loud enough to give you the hints, couldn't make you believe it. I'm a ticking love bomb waiting to explode, but my timer always resets seconds before explosion, before release.  Life is like a sweater, scratchy and drifting at the seams. It's too tight around the neck and I feel it choking me but I love the patterns and uniqueness of it. So I wear it, I live with the negative for elaborate positives. I sway with anxiety and l leave my self-assurance behind me. How come someone so confident grow so soft in seconds? It's the effect of you and its strangles the words out of my mouth. It's just the stupidity of it all that gets on my nerves. I shouldn't be feeling this scrambling feeling but I guess when I tell myself no, I'm far more tempted. My stomach is floating away from me and my head is in the clouds. I'm cut up over your voice, and I'm tired of being so weak, so susceptible to my emotions. If I beat myself over it, it'll only make it worse, but it feels better for the moment.  How can I feel so strongly when life kills me numb? I watch the time but the minute hand never moves, only the hours run along. I try to live in the moment but when there is something stabbing me, the blood pours out. 1 Comments

05/09/2023 10:23 PM  love letter(i f***ing hate loving you) I feel like drying paint. I'm healing but I'm so vulnerable. I'm cold and scared. I'm shivering and I'm lost. This is a love letter you won't ever read. This will be burned, immortalized in my head. This is desperation, this is growing tired, this is forgetting my own self-worth.  It's hard to stop listing your emotions, especially when you don't know what you're feeling. It's hard to feel around you or maybe it is hard to not feel. It is a sorry story, dude, I'm a sorry story. It's the taste of vomit in your mouth after a few too many drinks. I wish I could avoid you, but either way, I'm thinking of you. Either way, you've f***ed me over. I have a way of bottling you up in my head. Your eyes, your f***ing smile. I'm tired of this back and forthing. Tired of asking if "I'm worthy?" The more you hate me, the more my heart is beating. One day you're sweet and patient and another you're distant and cold. How can I fall in love with this kind of person? I guess I have my ways. Always had.  I have a way of romanticizing people. I turn their dull colors to burning flames of blooming flowers. 0 Comments

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04/24/2023 10:10 PM  He's the Best Rock Song Ever Created and I'm the Witty Lyrics Rainy days shower down here all year. It's constant cloudy season. It's just always that dark gray and that rainy day stink. You hear the patter on the windows and the roof. It's just lightning and thunder. Constant white noise. The weather affects my mood more than anything. I feel like I'm the rain. I'm a puddle of apathy. I'm not a liar. I don't try to lie anyway. Especially to myself. I won't pretend I'm happy, especially when it comes to you. I'm sure you mean well and all. But like the soggy weather, you f*** with my head. Everything I was sure was certain crumbles to bits. I can't say anything, I can't even think. I feel so weak, I hate it. I'll live just so he could see it. I'd write it so he could sing it.  It's hot and humid. I can't be bothered by the weather, but I break a sweat around you. First its ignorance then its admiration. Flutters of colors fill my brain and I'm in a trance. I'm in the background and he's on the main stage. I'm silent and still. He's loud and laced with the bliss of being him. I'm a man of very few words with him. I feel like he's all that needs to be said. His character is well-written complex, but sweet and simple. I feel like I'm lagging behind in this race. I'm stuck in the cards in his hands. I begged for the day to pass faster, for the sky to turn blue to gray to black. I prayed for the cool breeze that comes with the dark gloomy dark. The night is an easy way to get out of things, even if you love those things. It's an easy escape. The stars are ghosts, ghosts of mistakes, ghosts of unbridled cut-short dreams of painters, writers, and lovers. They wither in the night sky because the sky is safe. The sky doesn't feel the same since I've met you. It feels like what it is, a graveyard.  0 Comments

04/20/2023 10:11 AM  If it's all without meaning, what does meaning even mean? The sun is the world's spotlight but I feel the moon is only focusing on me. It's trying to not play favorites but can't seem to help itself. It leaves traces of moon dust on my hands. It smells like tulips and Fall's last rainfall before the turning of snow in winter. I can't help but be grateful but this is hurt. The moon isn't cruel just dreary. He's always around the corner, but never really there.  He's puppeteering me, but I really can't help complying.  I'm walking on the shattered spikes of my own mistakes. I dig the hole and I'm too frightened to lay in it. I'm on a high,  six feet in the ground. This is a dangerous slope and my hopes are splinters in my brain. I hold onto him dearly. It's a kind of queasy cozy feeling that comes with him. Is it okay to feel this way? Is this normal? When he is away, I miss the way he talks. The frail moon carries his confidence on his back, and the confidence isn't faux, it's pure and unbridled. It's not fake like mine. He thinks he's the sh*t and he is, and it's like first nature to him.  He isn't flustered or ashamed. The moon doesn't pretend to be more than he is. My big plan is to be launched in his orbit. I've been stuck with the gravity and the trash of this planet. It's one thing to dream. To make it. I'd be his space trash. I feel blind. Cut off. Scared. Living only in the moon's loneliness. I feel proud, but trapped. It's the kind of thing you want to love but it's impossible. You want to feel good in the sun, but you can't. You think the moon is different, but is it really? The moon is lit up by the sun, you think, is it any different? It's worry. It's worry. Am I stuck?  It's worry, but is it enough? To leave. Is it enough, is it ever? His fingers dance in a way that makes me desperate. I want his hands and mine. I want to waltz in the starry sky. To our favorite songs. Till we fall dead. And we jokingly flirt and it doesn't go anywhere like it always does. It's comfort, really, its comfort, me and you. We do things over and over again waiting for a different result. We spin, we dance, we (almost) kiss, and we fall apart. Are we damned, sweet moon? Are we damned? Are we cursed to be apart? Or are we blessed?  Is living "without" you secretly lucky? Is me missing out, on this romance, meant to be? I am not supposed to fall in love with you? In this universe, are my feelings a glitch in the system? I feel like a broken bone, I'm snapped in half. Divided in the middle. If I wasn't meant to love you. What am I?   0 Comments

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