Last Login:
June 30th, 2022

Gender: Other

Age: 29
Country: Mexico

Signup Date:
January 19, 2022


06/22/2022 04:38 PM 

i was a teenage prisoner.

as a child i was basically held prisoner. i wasn't allowed online. i wasn't allowed to see my friends. kids at school thought i hated them because they'd invite me over and i always had to tell them my mom said no. i was great at school and great at band. i went to state in academics and on the flute - not because i was particularly bright or talented, but because those things were my only ticket out of the house. and eventually those things propelled me to college where i was finally relatively free.

but i've lived with the scars forever. i never feel worthy of spending time with other people. i always feel invited out of pity. i never feel like i'm allowed to pursue new hobbies because hobbies, and socializing, are for other people. not for me. it's burned in my brain. i wish i could just reset my whole brain and start over and allow myself a golden retriever mentality when it comes to interactions with other people.

and the craziest part is i feel like i made it all up. if i brought it up to my mom, she'd tell me i did. she was the one who forced this reclusive lifestyle on me. she's beloved by her former students, so no one would ever believe that i was made to live like this. it's thousands of students' word against mine. but they never lived with her. they'll never know the truth.

it's taken me years to get up the courage to draw comics about my life. to draw people. to tell my stories. right now i'm making comics about my everyday adventures. buying concert tickets, zoom chatting with friends, traveling. but i'm just getting warmed up. as could be expected with the way i grew up, i've always wanted to die. but i will not end my life. i can't. not yet. i can't die until my story is told. and now that i've started telling it, it's like i'm on autopilot toward the sweet release i've so desperately wanted for over half of my life.

04/02/2022 04:48 PM 

Current mood:  discontent

they say that peace feels like boredom when you're used to chaos. and i am so bored. so what now?

i think, by the end of this year, i'll have moved to another country. but where? south korea? slovakia? andorra? who knows? depends on where i'm needed. but i've been in mexico for almost 3 years, and i feel like i've hit a dead end. let's see what falls into my lap over the next few months.

03/10/2022 10:20 PM 

future plans...
Current mood:  contemplative

haiiii guise c:
so, i been livin in mx 4 almost 3yrs...crazy how time flies. i luv it here. amazing fewd, ppl, culture. butttt i can't stay 4evr. imma esl teacher whichs meanss i can go NE where n da world i want, that dnt speak english. so, why stay? i wanna c da whole world!!! XDDD
rn i be workin atta school. issa good 1 but i wanna start mah own selfemployed journey. charge rates && get 100% of it. maybe meet sum ppl 4m otha countries 2. rn all mah classes b online, i wanna keep it that way. i fkn LUV workin 4m home...never wanna hafta put on a gd dress && heels 2 go 2 a job ever again tbqh. plus...if i keep teachin online, i can stay w/mah students no matter where i go, dnt gotta ditch em if i leave the country, just gotta change my work hrs xD might hafta work at 3 n da morning sumtimes but issa sacrifice id make. but, idk. rn im comfy here.
idk yalllll. NE wayz, byeee.

01/25/2022 03:51 PM 

wannabe influencers
Current mood:  annoyed

been thinkin bout dis 4 awhile...

instagram frigken ruined my friends. every1 is tryna sell sumting...even if it's not theirs to sell! cum 2 dis show, buy dis bands merch, taggin brands n stores in their posts...did they pay u 4 that? no??? wtf u doin then dude? if u aint gettin paid 2 sell it, why r u actin like that w / 150 followers??? its so fake and i miss when ppl used social media 2 tlk bout da stuff they like, not this bs...smh

01/19/2022 10:11 PM 

Current mood:  depressed

so, yeah...

yesterday they announced the BEST FESTIVAL LINEUP EVER in las vegas...AFI, MCR, pierce the veil, boys like girls, paramore, bright eyes (not emo but w/e), mayday parade. my mom never let me go to warped Dx so let me tell u i wuz HYPED LIKE A MO FO. buuuuut haha. seems kinda sketch tho...63 bands 3 stages 12 hours. so we only gon hear like 4 songs from every band??? nah man f*** that. and for like $250? one day? man i sling beer at lollapalooza every year and i been goin to 4 day fests for free as long as i've been legal. livenation, miss me with that sh*t. as much as i wanna go...this sh*t ain't it.

am i the only one who feels sad about this? i feel so disappointed and alone.

01/19/2022 05:25 PM 

&& she could make hell, feel just like home...
Current mood:  chill

1. Last place you were? here, at my house.

2. Place you wish you were right now? in his arms, after a meetcute walmart run-in back home...

3. last thing you ate? lonche bañado de pierna.

4. Shoes you are wearing: noneeee. imma free spirit!

5. mountains, beach, or meadow- where would you rather go: mountains!

6. Favorite animal: elephant. they are so peaceful.

7. Favorite food: lonches bañados. i've been obsessed with em, since i got to guadalajara.

8. Favorite drink: black coffee.

9. Hottest celebrity: andrew garfield. yowza.

10. Favorite book: it's a tie between all my past journals.

11. Favorite movie: whisper of the heart.

12. favorite xmas gift you have ever gotten: i don't celebrate christmas but love when people gimme starbucks gift cards as presents. i use the crap outta those.

13. what happened this year that made you happy: the announcement of when we were young fest. now to see if it actually happens...

14. where you live: guadalajara.

15. favorite candy: covid ruined my sense of taste, i can't taste sweets anymore.

16. A fear: ghosts.

17. Another fear: failure.

18. how rain makes you feel: at home.

19. love: listening to old emo songs from when i was a kid.

01/19/2022 02:30 AM 

after all this time, i'm coming home 2 u...
Current mood:  awake

What's the last thing you put in your mouth? avocado smoothiiiiie. ñam.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew? nooooo haha.

Where was your default picture taken? my old apartment, in querétaro.

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20? uhhhh ex fling's daughter, i think. don't know many kids.

Can you play guitar hero? nooooo haha my bff back home is a champ tho. he'll kick your ass.

Last time you walked further than a block? earlier this afternoon, going to a coffee shop.

Name someone that made you laugh today? some guy on tiktok.

When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends? i got no friends on here yet...add meh! xD

How late did you stay up last night and why? uhhhh like 3am. geoguessr sh*t.

you could move somewhere else, would you? if you pay me, sure.

Ever been kissed under fireworks? don't think so...

Do you believe ex's can be friends? yeah! maybe not besties but friends yeah.

Do you like calling or texting better? texting. never call me, i ain't gon answer, haha.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper? NO. that's my mama's favorite, ain't about that life.

When was the last time you cried really hard? like 15 mins ago. found a video of ryan ross singing northern downpour from 2019. f***in waterworks, man.

Where is your biological father right now? back on the farm like always. i miss him.

Where are you at right now? my house in guadalajara.

What bed did you sleep in last night? mine?

What was the last thing someone bought for you? my roomie brought me coffee from his hometown in veracruz. i drink it every day!
Who took your profile picture? meeee :3 vanity FTW.

Who was the last person you took a picture of? my waiter at the coffee shop HAHAHA he wore a shirt to work that said "sorry i'm late, i didn't wanna be here." i died xDDD

Was yesterday better than today? noooo lmao i was so sleep deprived.

Can you live a day without TV? yeah, i got a laptop.

Are you mad about anything? just the pandemic being renewed for a season 3. i thought vaccines were the season finale.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? depends what you want.

Night out or night in? night in. not about the bar life.

Are you more of an individual or an outgoing person? going out alone!

What items could you not go without during the day? 

Would you share a drink with a stranger? in this pandemic? F*** naw man.

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? lmaooo ryan, that time i had a bike wreck and tore my leg open.

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? ummm yes? do what you want man

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? naw, i ain't got no kinda aim.

What does the last text message in your inbox say? "ja he's a good one"

How do you feel about your life right now? meh...been happier. wish the f***ing pandemic would end...i miss my friends.

How many times have you been pulled over by the police? haha...more than i'd like to admit. good thing i'm cute and white and they let me go if i act dumb enough...

Do you hate anyone? no. only filled with deep disappointment over some.

Do you talk dirty to people? yes!!! hahaha i love embarrassing people.

If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find? very long audio notes of me talking about kpop and music scene stuff.

Will you have a valentine this year? who knows? cat. XD

Last person you talked to on the phone? i answered a call from an oklahoma number and breathed heavy till they hung up.

Can you easily tell if someones fake? yuhhhh

How's your heart? been better.

Say you were given a drug test right now, Would you pass? yeahhhh unless a vitamin cocktail counts.

What song is stuck in your head? A7X, Dear God. love it.

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be? Micah. Why's he on my mind lately? Idkk

Wanna have kids before you’re 30?: for that to happen, I'd have to get pregnant in the next month. haha.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?: teach schooooollll

Can you whistle?: no :(

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back? stomach. bad habit but i can't stop.

What gets in your way of your sleeping? geoguessr.

Are your eyes the same color as your mom's or dad's? dad :)

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?: yeahhhh

Do you think too much or too little?: too much. i worry myself sick.

Do you smile a lot?: yes. gotta keep my teacher face on in class.

Who was your last missed call on your cell phone? spam probably. i never answer.

Are you happy with your life?: i guess as happy as i can be with the panadería going on.

Can you handle the truth? can you?

Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?: lmfaoooo.

What was the last book you read?: sugar blue. kids book i stole from my school's library.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?: nooooo! i love ryan. we've been pals for over a decade now!

Is there something you always wear? yesss haha smith westerns and diiv shirts. i can wear em without pants no problem.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?: editing my layout. might change it again though.

Have you ever crawled through a window?: yesss haha to break into my own house.

Do you like yourself?: yes! there are things i would change, though.

Have you ever dyed your hair?: yes, but not in years.

Are you wearing a necklace?: no.

Are you an emotional person?: way too.

What's something that can always make you feel better?: catching up with old friends on zoom.

Will this weekend be a good one?: yes and no. having surgery but it'll fix my chronic pain, i hope.

What do you want right now? i want the pandora to end

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?: i mean, i'm non-binary, so...

Look behind you, what do you see?:wall, mirror, guitar, dry erase board.

Have you ever worked in a food place? i worked for postmates for one day xD

What would you name your future daughter?: maron. don't want kids though.

Any summer plans for 2022?: ummm might go to oaxaca or chiapas. def gonna work lollapalooza in august.

The last thing you heard?: my roomie's cat meowing at me. aw.

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