12/01/2021 10:15 PM  [Random Thoughts] Trashy Yaoi Comic Current mood:  chipper tw sexual stuff  god i absolutely adore trashy mangas/manhwas/manhuas/webcomics that are wayyy too fanservice-y. a lot of the time they try to combine wholesomeness and sexual stuff and sometimes it just.... does not work. i just read a manhwa that has the "omg they were roommates" premise where this rich dude and poor guy move in together and it has very fujioshi vibes (bc obviously who's going to read about a sincere story about a romance between two guys? gay men? NAH. ofc its women who fetishize gay relationships so that's who the companies love to market to! /s) ok so, the rich dude has a flashback about his childhood puppy and comments about the uncanny resemblance between the poor dude and the puppy. they're both very cute and have lovely dark black hair/fur. BUT THEN rich guy goes out and buys a fancy set of puppy ears and a puppy tail buttplug... for his roommate, who he is NOT all that close with?? and this isn't even presented as something weird??? first of all, the poor roommate barely knows him and only moved in because his apartment caught on fire and he broke his arm??? quite a bit of a power imbalance right there. and second.... did he want to f*** his dog or something? its kinda f***ing weird to keep talking about how erotic some stranger is because of how he looks like your dead dog and then roll up with a pet play fetish.  I'm chill with people having pet play fetishes. whatever. but its completely different if you have an actual dog in mind and to be attracted to them specifically because they remind you of that one dog. .....anyway I'm rereading it again    0 Comments

12/01/2021 12:40 AM  Short Vent About Insecurity Current mood:  contemplative Sometimes I feel so ashamed and humiliated of myself even when there is no reason to.  Positive feedback often worsens these feelings even though I do interpret it as genuine and warm. It's so odd. I already know why I feel this way and it's pretty frustrating that I can't just logic my way out of deep emotional problems and instantly fix myself. it's getting gradually getting a little better each year, yes, but im such an impatient person. Obviously, the day will come when these problems feel foreign, but wow I wish I could fast forward my life a bit. 0 Comments

11/25/2021 11:46 PM  [Random Thoughts] Trans representation Current mood:  bouncy tw sexual stuff Ok, so like I was reading this manga, right? And this dude - he had, like, HELLLLLA titty. So obviously I was like "oh, cool! Trans representation. I don't see much of that in mangas. =)" So. 50 chapters into the story i'm thinking.... waiiiiit a minute. somethings kinda sus. Turns out, he is not trans. It was a fetish. There's a fetish for men with big breasts. I probably should've known something was up from the fact that it was "yaoi" and borderline porn. (Dont judge. It has a very emotionally compelling storyline.) Anyway, it's 22:58 where i'm at sooooo goodnight darlings. xx 0 Comments

11/23/2021 10:56 PM  Tired Steam of Consciousness Current mood:  blank Welcome to my Blog Ig. I'm going to post whatever thoughts pass into my head and use this lil platform to scream into the void. I heard that a lot of people find it comforting because they need others to validate their pain and the anonymity of the internet shields them from the consequences of vulnerability or whatever. Anyway, enough armchair psychology. I'll share a bit of whatevers in my head rn. It's late at night, 10:41 pm, and I'm sitting in my chair, in front of my weirdly bulky computer that was discontinued years ago. Probably because it's so inconvenient compared to the laptops that people can carry around wherever they please. Like those tiny dogs that were genetically designed to fit into purses. I keep looking at my blindingly bright computer screen. I want to tell someone something, but there is nothing to share. There's no one there. I want to chatter mindlessly, once again, about how much I love the way that the lights and shadows dramatically clash in between the leaves of the tree I saw today. Or maybe give an impressive and thorough analysis of a piece of media I've been fixated on lately, Slug Girl by Junji-Ito. Oh, how horrific it is was to see how desperate she was to erase the parts of her she was taught to hate from a young age. How terrible it was to watch others erase her in the process of trying to fix her. Something that hits a little too close to home. I think what I really want is to lay my head in someone's lap and tell them how hard everything has been, while they listen and pet my hair. And to tell them that I've been looking forward to these little talks. It's been a long time since that has happened.  I did not expect to write down something so (semi?)personal. Honestly, I'm too tired to be embarrassed by this right now, so it shall be posted. I'll post again later, darlings. I hope y'all are doing well. Much love, xx.   0 Comments

View All Posts