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Last Login:
October 24th, 2021



Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 18
Sign: Cancer
Country: Germany

Signup Date:
September 21, 2021

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10/02/2021 09:40 PM 

02.10.2021
Current mood:  hopeful

Dear Diary,
yes, I have started to use this as a diary since I can't be bothered to buy a new one. I also could care less if my diary is public. Anyways, I didn't do much today but one good thing is, is that I finally started my fall break. It's not much of a break since I still got loads of exams afterwards. God, my new school life isn't as easy as I thought. The exams and everything were doing in class is much different than what I used to do at my old school. At least I got a bunch 0f new friends. I wasn't much of a loner in my old school, just hung around people which poeple thought were weird. (Like horse girls or fortnite kids.) I hated hanging out with them because our humors never matched. Through the 5 years I stuck around them, all my laughs were forced. Plus, my so-called ''Bestfriend'' was never there for me. Although she was the only one I told about my mother's cancer, she didn't once ask me to meet or how I was doing when she passed. She was too busy with another boyfriend. She's always had many boyfriends. One was 24 while she was 14. Her father allowed it too. They had to date secretly until they broke up after 4 days and then she got yet another boyfriend. At first I was happy she was happy but soon I got sick of her boyfriends mainly because she would blow me off so many times just to hang out with them. Like every weekend, him. Afterschool, him. The whole week was planned out with her boyfriend. It's sad to think that I waited one hour in the freezing cold, because me, her and boyfriend were supposed to go ice-skating. The reason she was late? Because her boyfriend had been ''teasing her'' and they missed their bus because of it. She flirts with multiple boys at once. Calling them their ''bestfriends'' and then being all huggy huggy with them. I had a small crush on this boy once. It was nothing major, but I still kinda liked him. We went on this trip together. Guess what? Of course, she's being all huggy huggy with him too. She's prettier than me, I won't lie, so she has more chances of getting a boyfriend than me. Of course that means the guy I liked found her attractive aswell. Our friendship was never that good. I told her many times what bothered me, but she never cared. I loved her. A lot. I was kinda her doormat. I gave her my food, drew for her, wrote her stories, protected her but I never got any of that in return. It all felt...One-sided. Whatever. Now I have better friends who care about me. They invite me to parties, hanging out etc. I love them and I'm so thankful for them so far. I hope nothing happens that our friendship crumbles. I'm scared. A new school is hard. But that's that. If I talk anymore of school, I'll vomit. So far I'm single and 16. I'm not desperate of a relationship, just very curious. I didn't fall in love in so long. Most of the crushes I had, weren't me being in love, but finding them attractive. Love is different. You get nervous around the person, you're happy when they're happy, you get tingly feelings all ar0und blah blah blah. I want that. But most of the guys I met so far only care about my body and jerking material. I hate it. Whatever, I don't need it that bad anyways. Besides, I would have to lose weight first anyways. I wanna make myself prettier. In no way am I saying that being thin automatically makes you pretty. I'm saying this for myself. For my own face, body etc. Most people look pretty in their own ways. I wanna lose weight to be healthier but also highlight my features. It's gonna be hard but worth it. I hope. 

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