mar
Last Login: July 27th, 2022
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Gender: Other
Age: 24
Sign:
Scorpio
Country: United States
Signup Date: August 21, 2021
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01/11/2022 08:26 PM
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hopeful
Current mood:
bummed
I thought about how far I have come, and I do not remember who I used to be. I have a job that I love where I am the manager, I moved out of my parents house, and paid off my car. I never really thought I would even make it to be fifteen and here I am, it's crazy.
Today I am super sad, I don't know what happened. It was a good day, and then it just hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I don't know what to do.
I had a dream that I would regret my tattoo idea if I went along with it. I think my dream self was looking out for me, and while I will still get the tattoo, I won't get it as big as I originally wanted, nor will it be in the same spot. I still want the tattoo, but my body has space for cute and hopeful things, it does not all need to be scary.
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10/05/2021 01:17 PM
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selfish
Current mood:
warm
i feel so selfish. I want you, and I want to spend time with you. Although, I understand that we all deserve time to ourselves. I will let you have time to yourself, and do whatever you want to do. I love you and your presence is so captivating. I see why people want to spend time with you. I will let you take your time, and come to me when you are ready. I will wait, I know it won't take long. See you soon.
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09/27/2021 07:02 PM
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aahhhh
Current mood:
frustrated
I had so much work to do last week, I cried once I finished everything. I had five different assignments for anatomy, including an exam, and three math assignments. I then went on to manically clean my whole apartment. I was scrubbing my tub at 2:00 in the morning. I did all of my laundry, including all of the towels, the bath mats, etc. I feel so much better today. I have to be at my parent's house later. I think if I actually completed one homework assignment every night, I would not be so behind.
I am so anxious about going to my parent's house, I miss my mom, but I hate my dad. He is not the nicest person, and it makes me anxious. Otherwise, my mom made my favorite meal and I am so excited about that. Eventually, I will need to have my car cleaned. Everytime I look at it I become anxious. I also need wiper fluid, which I have never bought in my life?? Where do I even insert the wiper fluid? I'll find out I guess.
I love this weather so much, I love wearing shorts/skirts, with a jacket and not sweating! The only problem is that winter is coming, and the snow is so harsh. While I do not mind the cold, I do not miss having to shovel my car out of the snow. Some winters, I do not even move my car, I will instead take the bus. I know this is bad for my car, but I hate the snow. Especially with the winters lately. I am not fit enough to dig out 3 feet of snow.
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09/20/2021 01:19 PM
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riot fest
Current mood:
satisfied
Today is the end of riot fest weekend, and it was so much fun. I was able to see my favorite band live for the first time!! I had to work in the morning, but it was fine. I hate tourists for coming and trying to save parking spots. I was hoping to meet Megan Fox lmaooo, but I don't even know if she went to riot fest.
I had to do my homework early so I could relax this weekend, and I did. I am so proud of myself. The change in weather, and the lack of sun is making life so difficult. I called off from work two times in the last two weeks, so I had a talk with my manager and I will be working part time for the rest of winter. I hate that this means that money will be tight, but at least going to work will be more manageable. I have a doctors appointment on the 1st, and I hope this means that I will start on medication soon and my mood will be stable.
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09/16/2021 08:55 PM
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today was rough
Current mood:
accomplished
Remember when I was gonna try to blog everyday? I believe that was a great idea that never came true.
I have had such a hard day today. I did not attend class, and I called off of work. Now, I have to watch the recording of the lecture, and I have to do my homework. I have not started doing anything for my Friday class. I have to start soon because it is a whole workbook that I have to complete, apart from the essay I have that is due next week. I tried to take a shower, but I was out of shampoo. I shook the bottle with some water in order to get some out. It worked, and my hair does not feel dirty, but it was not a good start to my day.
Today was my first day of therapy!! I am really excited to continue, and I feel like I really connected with my therapist. I feel like this will be super insightful.
A customer left a Visa giftcard at my job, and enough time had passed that I was able to take it home. We waited for days to see if they would come by again, or maybe call but they didn't. It turned out to have like $100 on it, so I bought some shampoo and a burrito. Thank you stranger for my meal and new shampoo!
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09/07/2021 10:47 PM
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school
Current mood:
stressed
Today, I did absolutely nothing, and it was great. The problem is that I have so many things to do. I need to catch up on my homework, and the lecture notes from last week. Everything from school just keeps piling up, and I said I would be so on top of everything, but it's hard. I don't know if school is for me.
It helps to see that there are other older people in my classes, some who never went to college until now. While I'm not as old as they are, it helps to know I'm not alone. I want to reach out to some of them and just talk about how stressed I am. It's hard seeing other people comprehend things so quick just because they already know how to study, and are able to catch on quick. I know I should not compare myself to others, but it makes me feel dumb.
I know that I should take this weekend to catch up on things, but I want nothing more than to go out and drink. I love going out every weekend. I don't think I can keep partying every weekend anymore.
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08/28/2021 09:03 PM
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hungober
Yesterday I went out with my friend Paul, we ended up at a gay club dancing, t was a lot of fun. The drag queens there were so pretty. Everyone thought that we were girlfriends, and I guess I went up to the bar too aggressively for water, and someone got mad. They told my friend, "Your girlfriend need to calm down."
I did not think we would be out as long as we were, i thought I would have been home by midnight, instead of three in the morning. My block is blocked off for construction, so I had to walk like half a block so drunk. I was stumbling. I had the biggest headache in the morning. Then I went to the optometrist, apparently my prescription is the same, I just have to wear my glasses all the time instead of selectively. I bought this really cute pair, I will pick them up in a week.
The doctor told me that I might have glaucoma, so I need to make an appointment with a specialist. I have insurance, but I don't know how much I will have to pay. Yikes. I hope that everything is okay with my eyes.
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08/23/2021 08:54 PM
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Cleaning
Today I cleaned the apartment, I also decorated. I put out halloween pillows, a pumpkin garland above the couch, and a skeleton on the door. It appears that becuase I am the only female presenting person in this house, I have to be in charge of cleaning and decorating. Last time, someone was supposed to clean the pillow that exploded in the dryer and they did not do a good job.
The lesson I have learned this past week is that if I want something done, I have to do it myself. It becomes exhausting sometimes, but I need to rely on myself at the very least. I will enjoy taking a shower today in the clean bathtub. I might even light my pumpkin candle that someone gifted me.
I also went to buy notebooks today, as I start school in one week, and they were all gone. All that was left was loose leaf paper and composition notebooks. I think I will try another store when I get the chance. I have to go to bed soon. I work early in the morning. I am so nervous about starting college in a week, I might have a panic attack.
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08/22/2021 06:59 PM
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gender
Current mood:
embarrassed
I feel like I cannot live free and be my true self in this house. I need leave. Every decision that I make, I am made to feel bad about it. I thought this problem would have been solved when I left my parents house, but it has not. I want to shave my head, I want to dye it a "crazy color." I miss having my green hair so much.
I want to be respected, and have my name and pronouns be respected as well. I think I am trying my best to be understanding of others boundaries, but why are mine not respected? I want to communicate, but instead I am shut out.
When will it be enough
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08/21/2021 11:13 PM
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omgg
Current mood:
anxious
I start college for the first time in a week omgg >.< I'm so stressed and I hope I do good. Everything is online, and I don't know how to feel about it. J said he wants to start school too, even though he's already been to school two times. I have the biggest crush on him, I hope he knows.
I messed up my sleeping schedule, so I have to fix that very soon. I want to keep working full time at my job, but I know that eventually the program will take over. I think that when the time comes, I will apply to be a bottle girl somewhere. If I will be objectified, might as well be for money.
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