08/20/2021 04:20 PM  moving on Current mood:  indescribable my brain is on a constant loop of the past. it's all I can ever think about. all my bad memories consume every waking moment of my life and has made me frozen in time. i just can't help it. i try so hard to conivnce myself that im strong enough to forget and grow but it's just not true. I think it's better for me to feed into the delusion that I can change rather than giving up completely. im hoping if I believe it enough it'll come true  0 Comments

07/11/2021 07:10 PM  unreal Current mood:  quiet you ever feel like your brain just died and now you are left with a hollow skull? no thoughts, you are just there, exisiting but not really living and feeling. that feeling comes and goes a lot. especially when I'm not working, whenever I'm left alone everything goes wrong. I can't even get my brain to work enough to write out a proper post, this is really all I can produce.  0 Comments

06/10/2021 10:02 PM  growing up Current mood:  discontent I try my best to avoid thinking about the past but today it was unavoidable. I had so much potential, why did it have to get crushed so early on. I could have done so much and now I feel stuck with the pieces of myself i have left over. I wish I had the luxury of knowing what I wanted. i really am trying my best to think in the present and take things one day at a time but soon enough the future will catch up to me and become my reality. i'd do anything to get the drive younger me had just one more time, i just want one more chance with it. instead i feel burnt out and numb, i can't tell if it's the meds or this is just me now. not that I would like either answer very much. i really wish every day didn't feel like I was trapped inside of a ticking time bomb.  0 Comments

06/09/2021 04:01 AM  disappearing Current mood:  tired I've gotten close to this point a few times but never fully commited to pulling the trigger. as sad as this is starting to sound with the title and all, this isn't a suicide note or anything I swear. It's a different kind of dissapearing. I deleted all of my social media and decided to try and live without it for a while. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to delete the accounts along with the apps but I'm not there yet. they only made my mental health worse and distracted me from the personal growth I visably and desperately need. I made this account as an outlet since I've become so accustomed to having some form of media outlet and access, it feels wrong to completely block out everything. this is more of a diary if anything, so don't mind me. even if nobody reads any of these it feels nice to put my thoughts out into existence anyway.  0 Comments

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