02/02/2021 01:37 PM  \ im sad that i dont love anyone and probably never have idk is love even real??? lol that sounds like a dumb question. there is this one person rn that i wish had feelings for me but the weird thing is i dont even have romantic feelings for them hahaha its odd but mayb i think its just bcz i want validation or someone to love or like me yk. now that i think about it i dont think ive ever had a crush all those guys that i would call my "crush" wasnt even a crush. just bcz i thought they were semi-attractive i immediately thought that was a crush, honestly if i had to rate them they were all below a 4/10. actually they were all a**holes and they were rude too and whenever i found out they liked somebody else i kinda got jealous bcz i was afraid they wouldnt pay much attention to me anymore. and honestly i also want to say that idk i always get this feeling that if some random person stares at me my brain immediately thinks wow they probably love me and is obssessed with me and idk how to stop it. 0 Comments

01/28/2021 11:21 PM  _ none of my blogs probably dont make any sense hahaha :\ 0 Comments

01/28/2021 11:20 AM  # its been a while since my last post but im back i haven't really been posting blogs lately bcuz i didnt really feel like it so yeah. if there's someone out there who always looks forward to read my blogs sorry for being inconsistent but i highly doubt that. some of my blogs are quite personal and i was shocked when two of my mutuals commented on one of it bcz i didnt expect that someone would read my blogs. honestly i feel like im lying to my online friends when they ask if im fine and whatnot bcz i say i am but im not and i really want to vent to them but i dont want to because... idk. i hope none of my mutuals read my blogs again lol i know posted it as public but idk(typing is so tiring). i also had a thought thats been lingering in mu head for a while now i wonder how u can cinsider someone to be a friend? like do u have to tell each other personal stuff or something?? idrk. i feel like i always need assurance to know its true yk but then again they could just be saying it to be nice IDK friendships are honestly so tiring like after get to know eac other what do u do? thats probably one of the reasons why i dont always reply back like i want to but i just dont have the energy to yk? if any of my mutuals read this they would probably hate me but then they could comment and say nooo i dont hate u but who knows they could just be faking it or am i the one faking?? probably, so that they wont not like me. if ur one of mutuals and reading this pls dont comment lol. 0 Comments

01/14/2021 07:47 PM  * i just remembered last time while me and my sister were in our room we joked about how we would leave this sh*thole and never come back but fr tho i would actually leave home bc i hate my family and they are toxic as hell anyways she asked if we would live together in the future w our younger brother as well and i said "uuhhh" bc what am i supposed to say?! when i thought i would run away from home i meant by MYSELF and i was shook bc i never really thought about us siblings living together in the future and she told me that we should and i lowkey felt guilty during that moment and i still am bc i dont think i actually would live w them and i actually thought about cutting ties with my family including them and change my name and live in another country or somethin, i mean i know she apologized to me and learned that it was wrong to have done that to me when we were younger but idk we really only talk about our trauma and talk bad about our family and she never shuts up about the fanfics of harry potter she read, thats it. as for my brother, i know i wasnt the best older sister to him but he pisses me off THEY PISS ME OFF im so f***ing jealous of them they have everything i wish i had and im so f***ing guilty bc its not their fault, its my problem for being insecure and i cant take that so i just always think that they should be grateful for it but i know they probably have their own insecurities too and i feel so messed up bc i know that and still continue to do it. i wish i was never born and i wish i could just f***ing die and i get so sick and tired of those people on the internet who say they love me and i shouldnt but they dont even know me so stop spreading LIES f***kk they just sound like my parents who say they love me but in reality i know they dont they're just saying it for the sake of it, if they did they would actually show that they cared. im sorry i  know those people dont mean harm im sorry thats my fault bc i just wished that someone would love me fr. 2 Comments

01/14/2021 07:03 PM  ^ Current mood:  blah honestly im probably failing some of my classes and im kinda scared if my parents find out, they might yell at me and i dont want that to happen. im trying to get back to attend online classes but its kinda hard bc i have a feeling the teacher might ask questions i dont know the answers to or make me turn on my cam I F***ING HATE THAT SO MUCH i just dont want to humiliate myself you know? i signed up in tumblr today and im kinda excited to post blogs and all that sh*t but its soo hard to code i didnt even start yet but its already stressing me out i thought it was the kind of coding that i do here on friendproject but its not its very frustrating and i really want to post a lot of things there so i guess ill just have to put up w it for now. also i heard a danganronpa audio on tik tok yesterday and i relate to it so so muchh. i forgot the characters name but they were saying "its not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair WHY wont you forgive me? if it was you you'd forgive yourself right AWAY! what did i do wrong?" somthing liek that and O MY GOD I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO SOMETHING MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE i always feel like that towards my older sister bc it rly isnt fair, how come she can always give herself a pass so why cant i? but not just my sister its everyone else they can pretend they did nothing wrong but how about me? why am i not allowed to do that as well? and now that i realize it i dont think i have room to talk either i always have that mindset that you're not supposed to do it, only i can and im so sick of the fact that im such a hypocrite but isn't everyone else too? idk i feel weird now :T 0 Comments

01/12/2021 11:21 PM  , Current mood:  blah from now on im gonna write what i want to write in my blogs i keep thinking about non-existent people judging me with what i write and no one probably even reads my blogs so this was useless   0 Comments

01/12/2021 08:39 PM  . Current mood:  blank sometimes when i see people who are attractive and have the perfect body and especially when they have talents(ex. drawing, sports, etc.) i dont have(i doubt i even have 1) i just feel so inferior? if i had to describe it they would be a giant or somthing and im just a tiny person and they're laughing and stomping on me(sorry this is weird this is just how i would describe it) but at the same time i just want to be better than everyone else i want other people to envy me and wish they were me like i just want to be the best in the whole entire world that no one can beat and worship me you know?? idk this is weird but this is just how i always feel about other people 0 Comments

01/11/2021 07:54 PM  rant Current mood:  annoyed (this is how i feel about the anime community on TIK TOK based from experience) i literally hate the anime community so much i can see why the "normies"(why do we even call them that?) hate us so much  where do i even start... 1 they always hate on the "normies" btw its such a weird term to call someone who doesnt watch anime that anywho they hate on them when they use anime audios or start watching anime bcuz its a "trend" like they literally hate on them for just having fun let them live jeez also why cant you just appreciate the fact that more people are starting to watch anime, is it really that bad if you didnt start watching anime when you were 8??? and they think they're funny by saying "LeVi YoU MiSsEd OnE" or "WhAtS yOuR nAMe AgAiN*notebook emoji*" UGGHHH IT GETS ON MY NERVES  2 they invalidate other peoples top anime list and call it mid and say that its mainstream stuff like that, ITS LITERALLY MAINSTREAM FOR A REASON BCUZ MANY PEOPLE ENJOY IT also its THEIR list and THEIR opinion and what THEY like.. its called MY top list for a reason!!!! 3 they think they are funny for spamming japanese words with emojis in between and think its top tier comedy?! espicially the one in late last year when they copypaste the ybc op w emojis AND THEY STILL DO, that sh*t is literally overused and just not funny at all :[ 4 they compare anime characters to any asian person they see on tik tok and say "OmG hE lOoKs JuSt LiKe KeNmA" when they just literally have blonde hair?! they dont even look alike?! one time i even saw a volleyball game on youtube and the comments were "iRl HiNaTa" instead of comparing them to 2D characters, can you just appreciate their actual talent instead? back to tik tok, there are even times when they comment "OmG aNiMe GiRl" CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?? BCUZ I DONT UNDERSTAND they just sound stupid af commenting stuf lik that also they always say "i want to go and live in japan someday" i mean i understand that japan seem like a cool place to visit but you HAVE TO STOP glamourizing japan, just because they have anime doesnt mean that its some magical wonderland thats perfect but its NOT, japan also has its flaws and problems just like any other country 5 i literally HATE WITH ALL MY HEART THE MEN IN THE ANIME COMMUNITY(not all but the ones who act like this) they want a gf who watches anime but they bash the women who make content about anime(or watch anime in general) JUST LIKE THEM and they hate on them FOR NO REASON AT A L L and then go and cry about how sad bunny girl senpai and keep saying zerotwo is their waifu or whatever bland sh*t content they make but i mean they hate us cuz they ain't us  6 i literally saw a person on tik tok CRYING bcuz there was a theory that our comfort characters were our friends in a past life and thats why they're our comforct characters or WHATEVER THIS STUPID SH*T YA'LL MAKE UP sweetheart.. THEY ARE 2D DRAWINGS THEY CAN NEVER BE REAL SO STOP CRYING OVER SH*T!! also i hate the people who age up characters just so they can LEWD THEM?! THEY ARE MINORS FOR PETE'S SAKE AND YOU AGE THEM UP JUST SO YOU COULD LEWD THEM THAT IS SO DISGUSTING I- I CANT EVEN 7 this is probably the last one i want to talk about so here goes.. i hate it when i see manga or manwha recs and i see comments like "im sorry but i only read yaoi" or "i would read it if only it was yaoi" OR EVEN "im sorry i dont read straight mangas/manwhas" LIKE WHAATTTT?! there a lot of good straight mangas/manwhas as well you know like MARS, Last Quarter, Our Happy Hours(btw go read them if you see this) and MANY MORE!! AS WELL AS GL! there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with reading bl but i think there is a problem when you strictly only read bl and nothing else. AND ITS ALWAYS COMING FROM THE STRAIGHT GIRLS, just say you fetishize mlm and go. that's all i have to say for this rant and i hope you enjoyed it to whoever reads this. i also want to say NOT EVERYONE in the anime community is like this on tik tok(i say tik tok bcuz thats the only platform ive been in the fandom) but there are A LOT like as in majority are like this and i know there are probably people who would say that im not a "weeb"(btw also hate that term you can research on google about the history behind it) and whatever but idgaf anwho thats all for now, goodbye </3 0 Comments

01/10/2021 06:07 PM  ? Current mood:  angry i want to run away from home sooooo bad.  my family FAMILY?! ew no, the people who live with me are very toxic (welll most of them) and I SERIOUSLY HATE LIVING HERE and ig the only other place i could go to (if i had a plane ticket and if my mother allows it) is where my father lives and I ALSO HATE LIVING THERE he is also very toxic and i dont like him and i dont like the people who live with me either. UGGHHHH ig i just i have to keep up with this until im old enough to have a job and earn some money then run away T0T 0 Comments

01/08/2021 10:32 PM  MARS manga Current mood:  bored TO ANYONE WHO HAS READ THE MARS MANGA PLEASE TALK TO MEE I DONT SEE MUCH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT, IT DESERVES MORE RECOGNITION!!!!  0 Comments

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