04/24/2023 11:59 PM  :( Current mood:  melancholy I'm a theater kid, as I'm sure is obvious. Yet I've never actually been in a proper play. I was almost in a play my freshman year of highschool, but covid messed that up. This year I was finally in my first play, my first and last play that is. It was Caucasian Chalk Circle and putting it together was an absolute nightmare, I didn't think it would come together in the end. But ultimately it did. I had 5 different roles and was also the Wardrobe Master, plus I helped with props and set design. And I was kinda... low key proud of myself. I wanted to do more, and I wish we had more time to work on it, but still, with what I had to work with, it wasn't too bad. And I invited him to come see it on Saturday. He paid the 15 dollar ticket in advance. And I had my hopes up, I was so excited to see him, and he just. Didn't come. He didn't show up. And I'm so unbelievably upset, mad, jealous, sad, I don't know. What angers me the most is that there's this other kid (won't say his name), but he had an article exhibition. And he went to THAT. Yknow, because it was important to the student, and he cares about that student. But he couldn't come to something that was important to ME. Something he KNOWS I've been working on for MONTHS because I'd stop by his classroom for a few minutes every time I had to stay after school for rehearsals. And he just didn't show up. He didn't show up. I don't know, why should I even be surprised??? This man has ruined me, I feel insane. I don't know how to describe all the emotions I'm feeling, because this situation is so much more nuanced than I can go into on here. I have another performance, not the play, something else. It's a fine arts showcase where my theater director is letting me perform essentially whatever I want. And ironically I might be performing a monologue I wrote about him, or at least it's very inspired by how he makes me feel. But whatever I wind up performing, I wonder if it's even worth inviting him. I don't know, maybe he'll come since I'm pretty sure the students he actually likes will be there. Maybe he'll come as long as it's for anyone but me. Who knows. Who knows. 1 Comments

11/13/2022 11:35 PM  More gay rambling Current mood:  romantic I've given up I don't think I like the Courier New font anymore. It's had a good run. Times New Roman is my friend now. Still yearning over him. Still PINING over him. I can't shut up about him and it's super embarrassing. Lately something happened not directly INVOLVING him but it was ABOUT him. And for a bit I was kind of nervous thinking about/around him, but for the most part I think m just gonna ignore it. For now, at least. I am way too in over my head and I'd rather just come here and innocently rant about and pine after him to my heart's content, yknow. Romanticize it, channel my inner Ancient Roman poet and lament lovingly about my feelings for him to the void I wish he'd text me more. But I get it, it's a Saturday night. Hes either asleep or out doing stuff. And I get I don't really talk about much other than Latin, D&D, JJBA, and silly animals, so I understand it can get a little boring talking to me. Wish I could be more interesting for him. I digress. I just got back from my sister's wedding and I need to wash my face, maybe take a shower so I can use that acne wash... goodnight :) 0 Comments

09/24/2022 09:38 PM  I need a LIFE Current mood:  quixotic I feel like a good 90% of the sh*t I post here is gonna be about him and I am SO sorry for that but I simply have NOWHERE else to rant about how much I like this guy without annoying irl friends LMAO According to them, I act like a little giggly schoolgirl around him, which is absolutely embarrassing and makes me want to crawl into a ball and DIE. He just makes me SO unreasonably happy. I don't really "text" anyone regularly aside from him. Most of my friends communicate through Instagram since that's the easiest way to exchange videos n pictures n stuff with my android-phone-havin-self. But mister man is a MILLENNIAL and doesn't use social media in the same way kids my age do lol. However unfortunately that means my phone will light up with a text notification and I get super excited that it's him and boom. It's my mom. I just want to talk to him 24/7... or at least a ton like we used to over the summer. But I'm scared of annoying him and bad at reading social cues, so I assume everything is negative lol. Basically I try to limit how much I text him. I'm so jealous of this one friend I have who it seems like they text him ALL THE TIME. fhghfhghfghrghghfrghr GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME    0 Comments

06/03/2022 11:01 PM  Dumb and cheesy Current mood:  peaceful Today was such a good day AAAAAA. We has our band banquet today, which is basically our school band giving a huge goodbye to the seniors and announcing all the new leaders. It's all so bittersweet. A lot of these people m never gonna see again. But at the same time: 2022 so far has sucked MAJORLY, and the 2021-2022 school year as a whole. Like it's just objective fact that this was a terrible year, but I made it through it. There were so many points in time where I had reached the end, that there was nothing left for me. But despite that, m still here. And I've made it through with amazing memories and friends I expected to lose forever, but didn't. While I might not see a lot of my senior friends again, I still have the memories I made with em--memories that were like, the only light for me in one of the darkest times in a while. So like I said, bittersweet like nobody's business, and it's really hittin me hard 1 Comments

03/01/2022 02:13 AM  My life is interesting? Current mood:  melancholy A lot has changed since that last silly blog I made 2 years ago. It makes me really sad to look at but eh its a relic, n in itself was a time of big changes. Its funny too, bc as m writing this, I ALSO need to go to sleep because m ALSO hanging out with my friends tomorrow. Just different friends. Super early in the morning too, my friend is coming to pick me up at like 6, 7 am. Fun  I mean it will be fun, m just complaining and being an angsty d*ck. We're gonna go to a parade :) I should invite some of my friends to friend project. Need others to pretend it's 2009 and we're blogging on myspace together.   0 Comments

06/24/2020 03:50 AM  My life is uninteresting!!! Current mood:  hungry M bored, hungry, n I need to sleep bc m going to the mall w my friends tomorrow but I CANT SLEEP!!!! 0 Comments

View All Posts