✞ 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 ✞

Last Login:
January 25th, 2021




Gender: Male

Age: 14
Country: United States

Signup Date:
May 13, 2020


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12/19/2020 08:39 PM 

12/19/20

someone on 4chan posted my personal blog in a thread about the website. i don't know how, but they found pictures of me and posted them too, making fun of me. now i have nowhere to vent. i guess i'll use this as a temporary replacement. 

one of them said that they'd f*** me. that made me want to vomit. i feel so unclean. i don't even feel safe posting here, really. but i don't know where else to go. the internet is my life. i know how that sounds, but it's true. i don't have any friends in real life. at least not ones i feel i can really talk to. and no, i won't talk to my therapist.

11/18/2020 04:43 PM 

11/18/20

i'm scared. mr perez flipped out on me yesterday and sent me this e-mail:

the truth is that i was interrupted by my parents in the middle of class, they were asking me to do something, and i had to leave. i pressed the "exit meeting" button by accident. i tried to get back in but i couldn't. then i tried to go to office hours, and i couldn't access the document for some reason. i sent him a message explaining what happened but he didn't respond.

i also missed an assessment yesterday. i don't know what to do, i don't want to talk to him again. i hate him, he's a little bitch and most of this is his fault anyways. and anyways, what the f*** do you expect when you have no problem failing students and won't let people e-mail you? respect?

11/12/2020 01:50 PM 

11/12/20
Current mood:  anxious

currently listening to "in my blood" by suffocate for f*** sake. i have this horrible sinking feeling in my chest, the kind you get when something really bad is about to happen. i want to throw up. i don't know why. nothing bad happened today. well, nothing that bad. i promised ABD i would call him. i realized i had a missed call from him yesterday. i don't want to call him. we've just been drifting further and further apart lately. it's just a distant memory at this point.

i talked to my therapist today. i told her how i did all the things perez asked me to do and i still have an f. she says i need to confront him about this.

11/10/2020 01:48 PM 

11/10/20
Current mood:  sad

currently listening to "the places you have come to fear the most" by dashboard confessional. i didn't think this was significant or weird enough to put in the dream journal, but i dreamt that i went to my high school IRL (I haven't actually gone to a real class there because of corona) and this girl i had a big crush on in middle school was there. i woke up feeling sad. i regret never asking her out. i think she liked me, she complimented my appearance a lot and once called me "pretty." it's too late now. i had a chance, and i blew it. i never thought i had a chance with her. i hadn't even thought about her until i had that dream, and now i'm all bummed out about it. gee, thanks, subconscious mind. you always make sure to remind me of all my regrets. sigh

11/07/2020 01:43 PM 

11/7/20
Current mood:  happy

i actually feel really good today. it feels so strange to be happy. it's such an alien feeling. biden won. we're celebrating by having a nice dinner. just good vibes all around i guess.

11/03/2020 03:38 PM 

11/3/2020

how the f*** did i get so fat? i used to have a 18 bmi, now i have 23 bmi. seriously, i eat barely anything?!!

11/02/2020 01:42 PM 

11/2/20

currently listening to four songs by i hate myself. not to be sexist, but listening to 90s emo/screamo like this makes me want to find whatever thot hurt this guy and beat the sh*t out of her. well, to be honest, i guess i've already crossed that line. sitting around and listening to this stuff thinking about all of the girls that have betrayed me can't be good for my mental health.

also i've been lurking on /lgbt/ way too much lately and it's destroying my mental health too but now i've gone too far and there's no going back. i feel f***ing horrible. you ever have one of those days where you just feel that picture of brendan fraser? you know the one

i'm feeling really stressed out because apparently i was supposed to pick up this kit for a science project and i didn't, and now my teacher is giving me sh*t about it. i wasn't even told about this?!!! how was i supposed to know?!!! and the last time i went to the school to pick up something i had to wait in a line for literally an hour in the hot sun

i guess this is what it feels like to be blackpilled

11/01/2020 01:42 PM 

11/1/20

i miss the comfort of being sad

10/31/2020 12:48 PM 

another survey? really?

Female or male? Gender is a social construct
Age? 14
Religion? Agnostic
Tattoos? I have a bunch of sh*tty stick and pokes that I regret
Piercings? Used to have one ear pierced, not anymore
Do you like cheese? Yes
Really? Yes really
What movie have you seen thats really scared you? Mullholland Drive (the diner scene)
Oh you chicken! Thats not scary at all! Hmmm okay then.
Whats your most favorite movie of all time ? Probably The Crow
Cool movie huh? Yes indeed
Do you have a crush? Yes
Speaking of guys/girls, who do you get along with better? Neither, I hate both of them in different ways.
Really? Why's that? I just told you!
Seriously now...if you could change one thing about the last five years of your life, what would it be? Way too many things to count. I only have regrets
Have you ever been seriously ill? No
Ever had any mental health problems? Why yes...would I be me otherwise?
Know anyone who has? yep
What music are you listening to right now? Street Sects
Ever sung in public? Yep
Really? Did you enjoy yourself if so? Not really
Ever been in a play ? only school plays
Cool isn`t it. No
Do people think you`re weird ? Does that bother you ? Yes, and it does
Do you think you are messed up ? yea
Got any brothers or sisters ? No
Pain aren`t they? -
Would you ever bungee jump naked for charity? No
Really? No
What counties have you visted ? none outside of the US
What did you like best ? N/A
Do you dream a lot? No
Why? shut up
Anything you wanna add? Nah
 

10/31/2020 01:41 PM 

10/31/20

me and LS both went as plague doctors for halloween. not much candy, obviously. we went home pretty quickly. we watched clone high again, then just chilled and talked about life.

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