Last Login:
July 6th, 2020

Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 18
Country: United Kingdom

Signup Date:
December 19, 2017


03/24/2020 06:23 PM 

Writing a book?

So I have been considering getting back into writing. When I was younger, writing poetry and stories was how I coped. It was nice to have something I was genuinely passionate about.
Seeing as we're all stuck in our houses for the foreseeable future, it makes sense to me to pick it up again. I miss it a lot, even though I only used to write crappy gay fanfiction.
Maybe I can write some actually good gay fanfiction now I've learnt how to English lol

11/12/2019 05:11 PM 

Current mood:  nostalgic

The year is 2009.

It's New Year's Eve.
You're sat with your friends in your crush's bedroom, 
listening to music and painting each other's nails.
You laugh about the things that have happened in the 2000s, and question what the new decade will bring.
As the clock ticks and the decade draws to a close, your crush pulls you to one side.
"Let's ring in the new year with style, huh?"
Your lips meet as your friends shout "happy new year!", clink their cans together and watch the fireworks on the TV.
Away from the stress of your home life, your school, your future,
you're happy.
Life is simple.

11/06/2019 05:17 PM 


I go through phases of disinterest in this website, in alternativeness in general. It normally coincides with my depressive phases.This stuff makes me happy, but it also makes me different and gives people reason to mistreat me.

Sometimes I'll see something and it makes every bone in my body ache to go back to a simpler time.
I didn't care back then. Yeah, people bullied me but I didn't care. I was confident enough in myself to just flip them off and go on with my day. I had friends, music that I loved without abandon, I was happy.
Now all I do is overthink. I criticise everything I wear, do, say, create until I hate it all. I am embarrassed of myself. I am ashamed to be myself.
I wish I could exist in a space where there was only me, me and the things I love. I used to have that - I could escape to a fantasy world and do whatever the f*** I wanted with no consequences.
But now even my dreams are haunted by the people in my life who ridicule everything I am. 
I have no escape anymore.
I want to be free, I want to go back to that happy place, but I can't.

08/01/2019 09:48 PM 

Life is not very good

Things at home get worse every day, it seems.. 

I'm sick of hearing how much of a disappointment I am. 
I just want to feel loved, for once in my life,
wanted for something other than a quick f***,
needed, and not left in the dirt after I've served my purpose.
I hate feeling so worthless, like my only job is to please others.
I want my life and my individuality and my input to have value to people, but no.
Obviously I don't deserve that.
Obviously, somewhere along the line, I did something so abhorrent, so despicable,
that the whole world turned its back on me.
If my own f***ing parents, the people who brought me into this world, don't love me,
who does?

07/31/2019 06:30 PM 

It's been a while..

Lots has changed.

I've been through too many guys in the last year, trying to fill the hole he left. I gave up on that and stayed single for about 5 months while I figured everything out and learnt how to be less dependent on having a partner.
I'm with someone wonderful now, someone who gets me, who isn't abusive but understanding and empathetic, someone I can be open with and who I can trust to be open with me. Now that I'm not in such a bad mental state that I'm constantly scared of my partner hating me or leaving me over the smallest of things, I can truly appreciate the joy he brings to my life. I love him wholeheartedly.

I got bullied a lot at college this past year, even by those I would consider my friends, about my style, the music I listened to, my hair, my interests, everything. So I changed myself. After being away from it all for a while, I realised that wasn't what I wanted and I didn't make that decision for myself. I'm more or less back to normal now, and I'm much happier. I'm learning how to not care what anyone thinks again.

Things at home are.. difficult. I try to grin and bear it, but it's getting worse. Tensions are rising. I only have one more year to go in this hellhole before I can escape to uni and freedom. I'm thinking of going to Birmingham and studying songwriting/creative artistry! Things are looking up in that sense, at least..

It makes me happy to be back on this site again, I feel safe to be completely myself on here.

11/11/2018 12:53 PM 

It's almost Christmas!!! (exciting thing??)
Current mood:  jolly

So I'm getting pre-emptively festive as always, and I decided I'd like to send Christmas cards to people!!!

This is only available for people in the UK unfortunately, but I wanna spread Christmas cheer and all that seeing as I don't really have many RL friends anymore '^^

Comment on this blog post or send me a msg if you're interested though!!!

10/21/2018 04:12 PM 


I can feel that I'm getting less and less stable as the days go by. Multiple panic attacks every week? It's going to be daily soon. I can't deal with this for another year. It's gone on too long.

I want to be happy and stable and independent and I can't.
It's the worst feeling ever.

09/12/2018 12:58 PM 

Current mood:  blessed

Ok so me and Tom didn't work out, it kinda died and he accused me of being a hoe(?) so yeah I'm not seeing him anymore xD

I started talking to a wonderful wonderful guy :3 his name is Charlie and he's at uni in London, we've only been together a few days but I am mega gay xD I really hope that this relationship works because I really really like him..

I started college and I have friends! And I'm playing music with people every day! It's so much fun doing what I love every day it makes me so happy :3
I made up with an old friend and we've been talking again, which is nice. I'm fed up of beef, I never remember any of the details as to why it's even happening..
Yeah I just wanted to tell you guys about Charlie tbh I'm so so happy at the moment he is the most beautiful guy I've ever laid eyes on and I'm so blessed :')

08/30/2018 07:38 PM 



I thought you guys would maybe want an update on the situation with ~the guy~ so that's essentially what this is as well as a life update thingy
Tom and I have been seeing each other for nearly a month now, he came and visited my town last Sunday and we walked along the seafront and got some ice cream. :3
I was gonna meet him this Sunday but there's train strikes so he can't get down here.. We're gonna video chat soon.  I miss his face a lot.
I want to ask him to be my boyfriend soonish but I don't know.. he might say no or whatever and I would be sad xD
We are hopefully going to London MCM together and doing a joint cosplay which would be amazing!!

Other news-- I passed all my GCSEs with flying colours!! It's not a massive deal to me but I'm glad I don't have to retake anything. 
I start college on Monday and I have my induction day tomorrow.. I'm f***ing terrified. I don't want to go through the same stuff there as I did in school..
I tried to bleach my fringe and it went ginger and it's now fried. I'm leaving it for a bit and doing a sh*t tonne of hair treatments and stuff.

Yeah that's the main things '^^

I can feel that I'm gonna get worse again, but I'm grateful that this summer I have been relatively stable..

08/06/2018 02:37 PM 




Yesterday I met the guy who I literally haven't shut up about on here (sorry guys) and it all went really well! WE KISSED!!!!!!!!!! I really really like him, I feel all happy inside :3 My parents are fine with him being the age he is and I'm hopefully seeing him again in a couple of weeks. We're just seeing where things go at the moment but I am just so happy ♥

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