10/29/2021 08:16 PM  happy halloween / Samhain season! (not wiccan but I like the below poem and graphic) ~Magickal Graphics~ 0 Comments

08/23/2021 06:34 PM  My review of Black Goat of the Hundred Acre Wood by James Pratt It is a mythos story I bought off Amazon Kindle and at first glance the concept seems ridiculous, the Cthulhu Mythos crossed with Winnie the Pooh, not written as a parody or tongue in cheek either, it is dead-pan serious and very grave and somber, yet it is fantastic. The characters are never referred to by name, but by descriptions that make them instantly recognizable, i.e. the curious tiger, the yellow bear, the clever rabbit, etc. I presume this was done due to copywrite laws but that is only my speculation. Anyway, it starts off with the beloved children's characters planning a picnic for their friend 'the fair haired boy' when a mysterious storm rolls in and they find a mysterious trap door they never noticed before. The story sees appearances from creatures that were featured in Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath and the story itself is even mentioned by the characters. I really liked the story and recommend it to all mythos fans Some of my favorite snippets from the story to give you an idea of it; "The Little Yellow Bear knew for a fact that dragons were real, as were brownies and bunyips and boggarts, though he didn’t call them by those names. But nothing could have prepared them for this. It was as if the world they knew was a tapestry, slowly unraveling in preparation to become something new." "The dog-faced thing removed its hand and faded back into the darkness. The Little Yellow Bear crept out of his bedroll and started to follow before he remembered the Gentle Pig and began crawling toward his makeshift spear. Weapon in hand, he slowly circled the fire, giving him a better view of the serpent-thing. It looked like a small sea-monster, with a sinewy reptilian body and an earless, bullet-shaped head at the end of a serpentine neck. Folded tight against its body was a pair of membranous wings. Teeth and claws glistening slick with gore, it was too absorbed in its meal to notice the small, quiet form creeping up on it." "The Gentle Pig moaned. No, the Little Yellow Bear thought. Nothing could have lived through that. The Gentle Pig was practically in two pieces. Then he moaned again and the Little Yellow Bear was at his side. “Please,” the Gentle Pig begged, “please.” He’s going to ask me to kill him, the Little Yellow Bear thought. Not that. Anything but that" "An odd thought occurred to the Little Yellow Bear. The fog blotted out the world, not by obscuring it but by eating it up. It was a malignant tumor spreading across the universe, feasting on space and time even as it excreted a strange new reality in its wake. Whatever it was, the ancient and wicked thing had come with the storm had already claimed the Wood. Soon, nothing would be left of the Little Yellow Bear’s world, save for the Little Yellow Bear himself." 0 Comments

08/20/2021 11:20 PM  Grieving Current mood:  melancholy I still miss my dad. It has been about 8 months since he died, and I think of him every day. I often still dream about him. Mostly I dream about him as he was at the end. When he was frail and confused and suffering from dementia and was completely dependent on me. This is not how I want to remember him. I want to remember him as the way he was for most of his life; intelligent, strong, self-sufficient and always with a solution to any problem that presented itself. Sometimes I will still dream of him as he was when he was younger and then I feel happy and think life has gone back to the way it used to be, but then when I wake up and realize it was just a dream the reality that he is gone just hits even harder. Still, I would rather dream of him than forget him, no matter how much sadness the dreams may evoke. 0 Comments

03/20/2021 03:39 PM  It's been over a month since my dad died Current mood:  melancholy Well it's been over a month. Dealing with the sudden shock of m,y father passing away right in front of me while I was visiting him in hospital. Having to notify family. All of us crying together and talking about the old times. Organising a funeral. Attending the funeral. Talking with family and friends about our favorite memories of him, about hard times he went through and overcame, about how he had been such a smart, witty and intelligent man all his life until he suddenly developed dementia overnight and became delusional, childlike and dependent and needed me for everything. How he deserved so much better than the hand life dealt him. In addition to all the above I have had to deal with my difficult and demanding boss at work. My job with long hours and low pay plus more and more demands being put on me by my money grubbing boss. Coming home at the end of the long day and dad not being there. Depression, anxiety, frustration, anger. I have had a whole range of emotions to deal with and I have not enjoyed it. I hate feeling. I prefer to feel nothing. I don't really believe in an afterlife, but I can't help but wonder. Maybe dad is in a better place. Maybe he is concious and happy, but I doubt it. Either way he is definately no longer suffering, and I take some comfort in that. 0 Comments

02/21/2021 04:06 PM  Tribute Current mood:  sad A smile on your face and laughter in your heart. Kind, sweet natured, generous and smart. You buoyed my spirit day by day. I loved you more than words can say. Filled with wisdom, mirth & song. With everyone, you’d get along. But now your absence makes me weep. You’ve earned your rest, eternal sleep. 0 Comments

02/13/2021 01:53 PM  My dad died this week Current mood:  melancholy So my dad died a few days ago. I knew it would happen soon, but I did not expect it to happen this soon. He had deteriorated massively due to dementia. Still the same kind natured and friendly man he had always been, but he became more childlike and dependent. He was often confused and would wander into my room and ask if it was time for us to drive home yet. I would tell him we were already home and he would be surprised. It was difficult to take care for him and work full time, but I was determined not to put him in a home. He took care of me when I was a kid and did not abandon me, so there was no way I was going to abandon him. He had to go into hospital late last week and was due to come out later this week. I went in to visit him at the beginning of the week. I was able to have a chat with him and help him eat some dinner. Suddenly he collapsed right there on the spot, I called the nurse, who then called more nurses. While this was going on I held my dad's hand and looked into his eyes. He did not look scared or in pain. He looked peaceful, however he may have been unconcious. A nurse then said to me "I'm very sorry, he's passed away" My tears started flowing and I couldn't stop crying. They closed his eyes and sat his body up in bed and told me I could sit with it for as long as I wanted. I sat with my dad's body and called various family to notfiy them. It was very sad all around. Eventually, I realised I had to leave as there was nothing more I could do. Since then I have spent all week organising the funeral.  I know that this is the natural order of life. People grow old, they die, for their grown children life just goes on and continues, but the pain is still raw for me. He was a great father and was also my best friend and now life will never be the same. 0 Comments

02/10/2021 11:18 PM  Lack of identity Current mood:  depressed Sometimes I feel as though I have no identity at all, merely a disjointed sea of thoughts that occasionally swirl together into a semi coherent wave of opinion or idea. Only to break up on the metaphorical rocks and disburse back into the great pool of irrelevancy. 0 Comments

12/26/2020 04:40 PM  Getting old is sad Current mood:  depressed Getting old is very sad. I am a carer for a senile elderly relative and every day I watch them slip further and further away from reality. At Christmas everyone was sad seeing how much he had deteriorated. How frail he looked, how weak and confused. This is someone who spent their entire lives caring for each of us, helping us at various times that we needed it, and just always doing the right thing but never getting anywhere from it.   Now in old age they have been robbed of their wits, spending everyday getting more scared and confused. It realy seems to me that getting old is not desirable or worth it. 0 Comments

11/04/2020 03:32 PM  Life sucks and then you die Current mood:  depressed Life sucks and then you die. I always knew this, but lately I'm feeling it more than ever. I am busy juggling long hours, low pay, demanding customers, a sh*tty work environment, and a boss from hell. Why do I stay? I don't know. I guess because I;m afraid. I'm afraid of going through the whole sh*tty job search process, starting again from the bottom, possibly ending up somewhere worse than where I am now, or not being able to find anything and ending up on the streets. The fear of what could happen if I leave is what keeps me from telling the boss to take his job and shove it up his ass. It would bad enough in ordinary times, but with this whole Covid pandemic still going, I think it would be reckless to quit now. I think I just need to hang on until 2021 and see how things look from there. 0 Comments

10/07/2020 04:10 PM  Just checking in Current mood:  busy Just enjoying my first and only real free time in what feels like forever. In addition to working full time, I am now the carer for a sick elderly relative. It is so tiring. Don't get me wrong, I love this particular relative very much. But being their carer and working takes so much energy. I usually collapse into bed at night after everything is done and fantasize about an uncomplicated life. I really need to upskill, get a degree or something, but how am I to find the time to do that? If I took on any other committments right now I think my head would explode or I would die of a stress induced coronary. Work is even more stressful than usual. My coworker left because they couldn't stand my bosses fequent verbal abuse and now I am training their replacement, fun times! Oh well. Outrageous, outlawed, outspoken. 0 Comments

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