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Last Login:
July 10th, 2020

Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 24
Country: United States

Signup Date:
October 16, 2016


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05/05/2020 12:01 PM 

Journal # 95

           I think I am going to go see Tayla and Jadrique one of these days because I am so bored. Don't get me wrong, I like being able to relax all the time, but the bordom is so real. I have been playing games with Nick a lot. I am not usually really big into playing games that are not some form of techknowledgey based games. It's definatley a good change thats for sure. I find myself playing them more and more every day. I would like to expand my games and get more for the house. They are good for parties and social gatherings so why not get some more.
          Everyone on FaceBook has been trying to talk to me lately. If I had known controlling my anger better would cause people to be more drawn to me, I would have done that  a long time ago. It's nice being well liked and respected. I am in a happier time in my life right now. I live on my own and I like it that way. No bullsh*t rules. I can do whatever the f*** I want without getting bitched at.
           I am super excited because I was able to order the last three necklaces that I wanted online. I am super stoked to get them all in the mail. I don't normally wear necklaces, but I am now because I just found a bunch that I really like! They are all blinged out and they say things. I have one that says "Barbie" that is all blinged out, a blinged out necklace that says "Thug", one that says "Rich Bitch" that one is all blinged out as well, I have a blinged out "Boss" necklace, and then the last one is a pink necklace that says "Trust No Bitch" in black writing. I am super siked! They are all super f***ing pretty! I can't wait to wear them!  They make me look really classy and rich. I mean, I am classy and I grew up with very rich parents, so it's not a lie. I don't know when I am going to get them, but I hope that they don't take TOO long to come. I want to wear them to work when I go back. Ok, I just looked online and they should be here in the next week or so! Sweet! I ended up grabbing my necklace holder that my grandma gave me because I can just hang them on it. It kinda looks like a mini coat hanger. I really like it. I'm glad that I kept it all of these years. I never thought I would actually use the thing!
          I think I might take a nap today. I didn't sleep very good last night. I had a hard time falling asleep for some reason. So, with that being said, I am rather tired today. I didn't really sleep in or anything either. I hope that tonight goes better for me. I really want to get that other lighter too but I cant afford it at the moment. Next pay day though! Then after I buy that last lighter, I will have everything that I have wanted! I'm still waiting on all my gauges to arrive. A few pairs have come already, but I got some more that I comming too. I ordered a lot of them because I had only one pair for the longest time. I needed new ones and I need more options to choose from. I am super f***ing happy about it. I can't wait till everything arrives. 

05/03/2020 05:19 PM 

Journal # 94

          I am really bored. I don't really know what to do with myself. I think I might clean my apartment or something. That would keep me entertained for a good while. There are lots of things that need to be done. I just have a hard time finding the motivation to clean and get up and do things. Once I get up though and do things, I'm ok and that motivation slowly starts to hit me. Ever sense this Corona Virus hit the USA, I've been super depressed. My body just hates me right now. I'm sure everyone else is going through the same thing as me right now, so I don't feel so bad. Some people are worse than others because of being laid off for months. We don't really leave the house unless it's to take a walk, or go buy things we need for the house. I miss the days being about to go out and have fun with all of your friends and family. This really sucks! If I could hang out with people and be making the same amount of money with unemployment, then that would be a different story. I would be enjoying life right now! Getting paid not to work and to just have fun? That would be the life right there! I think I am going to take a shower at some point today too. I have hairspray in my hair so its all gross and stuff. I am going to need to redye my hair again too. My roots are showing again. I might do that tomorrow or something. I don't feel like doing it today. I don't really enjoy dying my hair anymore like I used to. I'm happy with my black hair. My hair is super f***ing healthy now! Most days I wear my hair up too and not heat style it. I will some day maybe go back to platnum blonde, but not any time soon. It really damages the crap out of your hair to get it that perfect almost white hair color. It's something to do to pass the time. I am really getting sick of doing the same stuff over and over and over again. 
          I ended up cleaning up my room a little bit. I have to get some other stuff done in my room like vaccuming my room and picking up stuff that needs to be put away. I will probably wait to vaccum till everything is completely picked up all around the apartment. I would like to do it all at once though. I figure I should pick up everything first. That's the most important thing that needs to get done because I will f***ing loose it if my apartment is a mess. It will litterally annoy me. If I feel like I'm surrounded by mess, I get bitchy. I don't like there being junk everywhere. I don't know how I used to be able to live like that. I used to just throw everything on the floor and now I have to pick it up if I do. I really need to get into the habit of cleaning up after myself. I have been struggling with that one lately too. 
          I've been getting back into pop muisc lately. I like to listen to songs that I can sing to sometimes too. You can't always do that with rap. Some songs you can, but not like you can with pop muisc. Plus I am getting sick of listening to the same music over and over again. I'm trying to go through new songs on Youtube of my favorite artists growing up. I need a change. I just am sick of everything. I something new. 
          I had to make a list for me and Nick to follow at my apartment. I am getting sick of him being lazy and me being lazy. No more of that sh*t. I'm going to be on his ass about that stuff too. He can't be leaving trash out all of the time. He says he gets sick of picking up after me but he still leaves sh*t around too. We are both equally messy. It needs to stop. I am getting really sick and tired of having to do a sh*t tone of things every two days. It piles up and gets overwelming. Right now I am in the process of cleaning my apartment. I am cleaning off things and whiping things down. We have been having an ant problem and this just needs to stop. This is not happening anymore. The food needs to be completely sealed off and Nick isn't doing that and it's gross. We both need to change these things. Some of these things are not my fault and some of these things are. My point is, we need to change or else. I think I am going to go now though. There are some more things that I would like to get done tonight before I go to bed. Good night!

04/29/2020 12:23 PM 

Journal # 93

          I got my "Hot Chick" lighter in the mail yesterday! I love it! It's very f***ing pretty. It's all coated in hot pink paint and its a Zippo lighter. I don't like the regualr Zippo lighter inserts though. I ordered the torch inserts so that I can take the regular ones out and replace them with the torch insterts instead. I have like 4 more lighters on the way too. Three of those lighters do not have the torch instert so I ordered three more of them today. I really need to get more. I might save the regualr ones for desprate times, but I don't know. I really don't care for them. I might give them all to Nick. He likes that kind. The only time I use those kinds of lighters is if I am smoking a cigarette or I am smoking out of a chillum or bong. It is way too difficult to use those ones. I will probably only keep one of them and give the rest to Nick. I can't wait for the rest of them to come. I have two that are Zippo knock offs, and then I have two that are actual Zippo lighters. I can't f***ing wait! I am going to have a beautiful collection of lighters once they all come in the mail. Sense the torch inserts are all from Zippo, they will all arrive in the mail fairly quickly so thats really nice. Tayla is going to be so jealous of my lighters. I am waiting on a pink cheetah print zippo style lighter, a regular colored cheetah print zippo lighter styled lighter, a black blinged out playboy bunny Zippo lighter, and a pink playboy Zippo lighter on their way. I will have to post pictures. My friend Tayla and I, have the same style when it comes to pretty things. Back when she was skinnier she had a better style, but when you gain a lot of weight, it's harder to find really cute name brand cloths that fit you. I'm pretty and I have a sh*t tone of nice things. Girls envy me for it. I was thinking about sharing some of the love with my friends. I kinda wanna get Tayla and Jadrique a Zippo lighter too just for the hell of it. I want them to know that they are appreciated and that I want them to have nice things too, just like me. Just because I spoil myself, does not mean that I don't do the same thing for the people I care about. I've been wanting to buy my family stuff too. Just to show everyone that I appreciate them in life.I just gave my boyfriend's parents a bunch of house hold items that I had a sh*t tone of and wasn't using fast enough. Nick called and told me that his mother appreciated it, and I'm sure he will call me and tell me his dad does too when he goes and sees him later. 
          I ended up finding a bunch of lined paper in the top of my closet. I am super happy about that. I like to journal a lot so I tend to use a lot of paper up fairly fast. I try to document my life more because there are good memories that I know I can't remember from some of the best times in my life and that makes me sad. If I write it all down, I can go back and read it to jog my memory. I wish I had started doing this back when I was in high school, but whatever. It's too late now. I can't change the past.
          I have been watching Breakig Amish, and one of the Amish girls really inspired me. So, the show is about these Amish people that are like around my age (18 to 30), and they go out and experience the way all of use regualr people live, and deside weather or not they want to leave the Amish behind and live a normal and free life. Well, this one Amish girl on the show was a very nice and successful girl. She was Amish and became a big time model! I found that very inspiring. I could really relate to her. She was pretty and successful. All the other girls in the group would make fun of her because they were jealous of her looks and success. I have that same problem. Thing is though, the way she handled all the bullying was amazing. She did end up blowig up eventually, but that's because it was anger that kept building up. So bascally what I am getting at is, I am an awesome person, but I want to be as awesome as her. I want to do a better job of handling my anger. My whole life I have struggled with my temper and I'm sick of it. I just go off and say really hurtful things and thats not good because it then makes me look like a monster when I am not. I feel like I am doing a pretty good job so far though. The more I practice it the better I will get at it.
          I have been doing some thinking, and I think I am going to move the cat pan into that cat cage. My black cat Puss Puss, for some reason can't hit the cat pan. instead, she desides to poop next to the litter box on the floor and Nick and I are sick of stepping on it. I personally think that it's a great idea. That way if the cat's are in there for long periods of time they have the ability to use the bathroom. Only downisde is, then Princess doesn't have access to the litter box. Because of that, when they do something wrong like ripping up my carpet for an example, they go in the cage for an hour TOPS. I plan on moving that today actually. But first I am going to clean their pan. Yay! No more litter or poop all over the floor! Sometimes even pee if they miss! I think this will make both me and Nick very happy. Infact, I am going to go do it right now. I am so done with it being a contstant problem in my bathroom. I still have to figure out what I am goig to do when it comes to feeding them though. I will have to get creative with it like I did with there little kitty fort. Boy do they love that thing! It's like their little kingdom! 
          So I'm not going to lie, I added more to my cat's little kingdom. I put the cat litter in the far corner of the cage. It leaves just enough space to put the cat pan scoop and the little tiny boom and dust pan. They have the whole other half of the cage to themselves to sit and think about what wrong that they did. Above the litter box and the small cat jail I have for when they misbehave, above is a completely different spot. My cats have the whole entire top of the cage to sprawel out and sleep on. Next to that I put one of my pink night stands I am no longer using anymore next to the top of the cage and set the outside cage ontop of it. Now, not only do the cats have the inside of that cage to sleep, they can also lay ontop of THAT cage as well. Cats like to be high up above everything so this spot is perfect. To ensure getting down from the highest sleeping area is safe, I put the other pink night stand that I have next to the cat cage with a pillow ontop. That way they have the option of laying there, or just using it as a step to help them get up or down. I made sure to cover both cages with blankets or towels to give them more of a security and safety feeling. Cats tend to like their space and they tned to like to sleep in hiding places so I figured, this would be perfect for them. Underneith the two night stands I put the cat bed that was under the coffee table, and the toy/cat scratching post underneith the other one. It's like a cat sized doll house and they absoultly love it! I love it too! I think it gives my cats their own little spot in the house that is theirs and theirs only. I wan't to start training them to sleep and lay on there instead of my couches so that they stop ruining them and they stop getting hair all over them. Things are going to be changing now though. Now when Puss Puss poops on the ground in the cage, it's not as big of a deal. I will just have to keep this cage and use it for the cats everywhere I go. That way they can dirty up their little area all they want and the rest of the house stays clean. I ened up moving a few things though to make some extra space. I really hope that Nick is ok with that. He's not on the lease so hes going to have no other choice. My cats are my children. I want them to have better lives than they did when they were both strays. I want them to have all of the love and compassion that they deserve. This is why my animals love the sh*t out of me. I try to make life more enjoyable for them. I feed them people food sometimes too. I try to stick to only the healthy stuff though. They really like meat and tuna. They litterally live like Queens. All they have to do all day is lay around and sleep. They don't have to work and I feed them for free. The only thing is, their lives are pretty boring. 
          I think I am going to clean my bedroom and run the dishwasher. There are some things that need to be put back where they belong. I have a bad habit of taking stuff down in my closet and then not putting stuff back where it belongs. My room isn't too terrible though. I just need to clean up a little bit. With that being said, I am going to let ya go. I need to get some sh*t done and stop sitting on my ass making no progress what so ever. I can't deal with a messy apartment. I used to be able to do it, but now it drives me nuts!

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