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09/20/2023 06:12 PM  Journal #163            I am so done with females man. I just had to bitch out one of my friends for copying me. Ever sense she added me as a friend on FaceBook shes been slowly copying me. First she started copying my fake eyelashes, next she started doing her nails really long, after that she started posting photos of herself in lingerie. Those are not the reasons why I bitched her out though. I bitched her out because shes now copying me and is now a stripper like I was. That bitch wants to be me so god damn bad. The reason I'm so mad about it is because stripping was MY thing. Not her thing. Now shes trying to make my thing her thing and I'm not cool with that. Shes not even doing it right. First of all she picked the ugliest stripper name you can possible choose which is "Cashmeer". She also doen't own a pair of actual stripper heels which is a big no no in the stripper world. She has no idea what shes even doing. She's probably making a fool out of herself at this new club that shes working at. I can't stand that shes doing this sh*t. She's even posting "come see me at the club!" to her FaceBook account just like I was doing when I was dancing. Shes prob going to start filiming herself dancing on a pole next which is also something that I started doing before her. Shes a dumb bitch if she thinks shes going to snatch my crown away. I was told that a lot of the strippers look up to me and wanna be like me. I found that out from an online friend who goes to the clubs. Stupid Lauren can't even dance. I'd smoke her bitch ass if I was working where she is working. Dumb bitch WISHES! I really wanna go back to the club now but I don't think that will fly with my boyfriend. He has insecurity problems so I doubt he would be cool with me going back to doing that. I really want to though because of how fun it was. I might go back to it eventually. I need to get back on my pole and start praticing again. I lost my muscles and my confidence by not praticing for months and months and months. Now that I know lauren is starting to try and be me, I wanna be extra better than her. I wanna be way ahead of her on the pole. She will eventually learn how to dance after awhile so I wanna keep doing really really good. I need to make sure that I get back to it soon or shes going to pass me and then I'm going to be the one that sucks and needs to catch up. 0 Comments

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08/27/2023 09:43 PM  Journal #161 Current mood:  okay            Lifes been really stressful lately. I'm honestly contemplating leaving my boyfriend. Hes mentally abusive. I can't go one day without him getting pissed off at me. He gets mad at me for litterally everything. He complains about my driving or the way I just natrually am as a person. I'm getting to my breaking point. As of right now I rely on him for income so I can't just leave him whenever he treats me like sh*t. I have to hold on until I can get a regular job again. As of right now my boyfriend is the one bringing in the income not me. It really just all around sucks. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells with him and thats not fair to me. I'm a bad bitch and I deserve better. I've really been thinking hard about this and I think I'm just ready to break up with him. I can't deal with the constant negativity from him. Its emotionally exausting. I can't do anything that I want to do in my own apartment. He controls when I take a shower, how long I hang out with my friends, the list goes on. I'm f***ing sick of it! He threatens to leave me all the time and I honestly don't care if he does anymore. I genuinley don't care. He threatens it so much that I don't care anymore. He thinks that if he leaves and dumps me that I'm going to be all upset and my life is going to suck without him but hes wrong. When I think about being single again it makes me happy. The way I was living before I met my boyfriend wasnt all that bad. Yeah I was poor but at least I wasn't being mentally abused all god damn day. Its really mentally exausting. I plan on leaving him once I get a stable job if he continues to treat me like sh*t. I feel like he can get away with treating me like sh*t right now because he knows I won't leave cuz of bills. If I have an income and I can dump him whenever I feel like it and kick him out into the streets, then maybe he will treat me better. If not, hes out of my life. I do not have to deal with that sh*t. I miss being able to do whatever I want in my own apartment. I can't take a shower without himm being like "Why are you taking a shower right now? Why can't you wait till later?". I f***in hate it. I liked having the company but now I need my space. I get zero space from him because he lives with me and we work together. We are up eachothers asses all the damn time. I need my alone time and I can never get it. Makes me wish I was single again. Being single really isnt that bad of a thing. When your single you don't have to deal with any butllsh*t.  0 Comments

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