I Don't Believe in True Love Because If It Were Real You'd Love Me Back

Maybe I'm too far gone to be able to be happily in love, or maybe the world has something out for me. Maybe I'm digging my own grave, dude, maybe I'm over before I even began. Our colors clash in a darling car wreck, bloody and beautiful. I couldn't yell loud enough to give you the hints, couldn't make you believe it. I'm a ticking love bomb waiting to explode, but my timer always resets seconds before explosion, before release. 

Life is like a sweater, scratchy and drifting at the seams. It's too tight around the neck and I feel it choking me but I love the patterns and uniqueness of it. So I wear it, I live with the negative for elaborate positives.

I sway with anxiety and l leave my self-assurance behind me. How come someone so confident grow so soft in seconds? It's the effect of you and its strangles the words out of my mouth. It's just the stupidity of it all that gets on my nerves. I shouldn't be feeling this scrambling feeling but I guess when I tell myself no, I'm far more tempted. My stomach is floating away from me and my head is in the clouds. I'm cut up over your voice, and I'm tired of being so weak, so susceptible to my emotions.

If I beat myself over it, it'll only make it worse, but it feels better for the moment. 

How can I feel so strongly when life kills me numb? I watch the time but the minute hand never moves, only the hours run along. I try to live in the moment but when there is something stabbing me, the blood pours out.