:(
Category: Blogging
Current mood:  melancholy

I'm a theater kid, as I'm sure is obvious. Yet I've never actually been in a proper play. I was almost in a play my freshman year of highschool, but covid messed that up.

This year I was finally in my first play, my first and last play that is. It was Caucasian Chalk Circle and putting it together was an absolute nightmare, I didn't think it would come together in the end. But ultimately it did. I had 5 different roles and was also the Wardrobe Master, plus I helped with props and set design. And I was kinda... low key proud of myself. I wanted to do more, and I wish we had more time to work on it, but still, with what I had to work with, it wasn't too bad.

And I invited him to come see it on Saturday. He paid the 15 dollar ticket in advance. And I had my hopes up, I was so excited to see him, and he just. Didn't come. He didn't show up. And I'm so unbelievably upset, mad, jealous, sad, I don't know.

What angers me the most is that there's this other kid (won't say his name), but he had an article exhibition. And he went to THAT. Yknow, because it was important to the student, and he cares about that student. But he couldn't come to something that was important to ME. Something he KNOWS I've been working on for MONTHS because I'd stop by his classroom for a few minutes every time I had to stay after school for rehearsals.

And he just didn't show up. He didn't show up. I don't know, why should I even be surprised??? This man has ruined me, I feel insane. I don't know how to describe all the emotions I'm feeling, because this situation is so much more nuanced than I can go into on here.

I have another performance, not the play, something else. It's a fine arts showcase where my theater director is letting me perform essentially whatever I want. And ironically I might be performing a monologue I wrote about him, or at least it's very inspired by how he makes me feel. But whatever I wind up performing, I wonder if it's even worth inviting him.

I don't know, maybe he'll come since I'm pretty sure the students he actually likes will be there. Maybe he'll come as long as it's for anyone but me. Who knows. Who knows.