dumb lil ranty rant
Sometimes I get a little bummed out thinking about how my relationship with my fiance started. I have to constantly have this war with myself when I think about it because I battle back and forth. On one hand, I love that our relationship was built on friendship first. I think it's a healthy way to enter into this mutual feeling. I was going through a lot when we started to talk and he was there for me as a friend. Over time, we started to build this connection and decided that it needed to be explored. However, I hear stories he'll tell sometimes about other girls that he tried to be with and how it usually started with an initial attraction and sometimes I wish that could be me. I feel like our relationship started with me being interested first, as it usually does. I wouldn't necessarily say I had to chase him, because we kinda did start to fall for each other at the same time, but I would say that I was the person who fell deeper a little quicker than he did.
I just sometimes wish that maybe he felt "damn, this girl is really pretty and I wanna get to know her more." or something like that. I know that thought didn't really occur. It's dumb, but dammit man, I wanna be objectified! I wanna be chased. (within reason of course). Of course, though, I do love that maybe this is the exact reason we started off so much stronger. The connection we have is much deeper than surface level, so I'm not actually mad about it or anything. I just think about it sometimes and I hear him talk about his past where he tried to flirt with people and ask for girls' numbers or use cheesy pick up lines on them and I never really got that.