Clinical II
Current mood:  rebellious

Well...here it is...the dreaded Spring semester 

It's hard to believe I am graduating so soon. It's also hard to believe that I have to be at BHS every f***ing day. I literally cannot even afford the alcohol it takes me to get through this sh*t.

Speaking of alcohol, I am putting on some much f***ing weight from this sh*t. I want to try and just not really eat—at least to save some calories. I would also maybe switch to hard liquor, but I just can't. It's too hard to regulate how much I am drinking and I feel like I could drink a fifth in one day very easily. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than the beer. 

Something has to change though because I spend so much cash on alcohol. I need to lose weight, and I'm just f***ing unhappy. I am able to enjoy things quite easily, but every day I have this huge argument with myself. I have been thinking of...k wording myself too often now. I feel like I could just park somewhere, drink like crazy and take some type of pill. I think about the aftermath, though, and that helps me get the thoughts out of my head. It's just hard to recognize that I won't be here to see the aftermath. In my mind, because I know my sister would probably copycat me, it feels like I would be able to see that happen. If that make sense? No, probably not. 

I'm not gonna be teaching for another week or so. I really don't want to. This sh*t is so awful I could cry just thinking about it.

In any case, my nails are very cute. I haven't had a cute set I did myself in a while. Well, one that I am very excited to show off at least. I didn't know they had nail decals on Shein...or well, I kinda knew bc my friend got me some for Christmas. But still! I am so excited about what I can do! And for so MUCH cheaper than CandyStone. I have a sailor moon set in mind and a NANA set. I am so excited about both! I'm gonna wait till my refund comes from school to buy the stuff so that prob won't be until February or something. 

I am going to write something erotic to make myself go crazy.