*First Fight.....

So... I got into a fight. I dont know what happened. I saw red and when my vision cleared Stillman was on the ground and his nose was bloody and I couldnt breathe and- yeah. You get it. Anyways, i've been thinking about it and I think I figured out why. Stillman had said "I don't know how you can listen to that lecture one more time about Buck Jarrett..." (Guest, 264) during the swim meet (I had gone to watch, I dont even know why) and obviously, it reminded me of Bucky. I didnt realize how much it affected me. That article Berger showed me? It said that "feelings of anguish and despair...[can be] brought on by concrete reminders or discussions about the deceased" (Tal Young). So maybe I was feeling anguish and despair. God, I miss Buck so much. Its true, it's agonizing, 'cause it was my fault. I couldve done something... Anything. I've started analyzing why things happen in my life. Why I do certain things. Given this article, I think the guilt his words brought up led to this angry outburst. My anger shows up seamingly out of nowhere, and its impossible to control because it all comes out at once. Im late for school now, haha. Bye.